Shera's Diary
by KSipesh
Summary: A recounting from Shera's perspective of her time from joining Shin Ra onward. I figured I owed the old girl at least this much since she's been put through Hell in my other tales.
1. Chapter 1

Shera's Diary

Chapter One

Naiveté

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

Dear Diary,

I suppose this is a little… immature of me, being twenty-two years old and still writing in this thing. Some things just become habit, though, and since today was an important day, I might as well write it down while it's still fresh in my memory. It's not like anyone is ever going to read this anyway.

Today was my graduation from college. That's right! I got my degree in aeronautical engineering! Thank God it's over-- not that I didn't like college, I did, but the outside of class party life that my classmates enjoyed just wasn't for me. Then again, I'm the only one there that graduated that program in under four years, which probably is directly related to the fact I _didn't_ join them in their nightly drinking.

I hope I can find a job fairly quickly. In the meantime, I'm taking an internship with Shin Ra. I'm basically going to be nothing more than an over glorified receptionist there, but it might just get my foot in the door and if all goes well, I might just get a position there as an engineer in their fledgling space program sometime in the future.

That would be wonderful. Rumor has it that Captain Cid Highwind is going to be the first man in space. We studied many of his ships in school, in particular, his innovations in lift engine design and fuel efficiency. I admire him after all I've read, even though I've never personally met him. It's hard to imagine how much he's done in his life, even though he's only four or five years older than me. It makes me feel wholly inadequate compared to someone like that. He must be a genius. Who knows, maybe I'll work with him someday?

Yeah, keep dreaming, Shera, right?

-------------------

Dear Diary,

I'm unbelievably excited! I'm like a kid at Christmas right now! I've been working as an intern at Shin Ra now for five months and today… today my manager told me that I had really shown a lot of aptitude for things and that they want to promote me to the engineering department of the space program! But wait, it gets better!

I'm being relocated to Rocket! That's right! I'm going to work with the team building the Shin Ra 26!!! I can't get my mind around this! I'm just going to be a low ranking member of the team but I don't mind! It's going to take well over a year before the rocket is completed and ready to go but…

God, I'm so excited I'm shaking as I'm writing this. I never would have imagined I'd be doing this. I'll be able to finally meet Captain Highwind since he lives there and is overseeing the entire project. I'm sure my contact with him will be limited since I'm just a newbie there with a lot to learn, but still!

In my field, he's a celebrity and I just… I have a confession to make. From the pictures that I've seen of him, I think he's gorgeous. Cuter than that boy, Lee, that was on the water polo team way back in high school! Of course, Lee never gave me the time of day but he still was the class hottie, wasn't he?

Well, my friend is here to take me out for a celebratory drink! Bye for now!

-----------

Dear Diary,

I'm finally settled into my apartment that the company is paying for in Rocket. I'm only about two blocks from the work site so it's really convenient to get to there. It's such a pretty town… It's spring right now and the snow on the mountains just a short ways off is starting to melt and everything is green. This town is absolutely full of people that are all working on this project. That being said, it's been really easy to make friends since we all have that one thing in common. Hey, who knows? Maybe there's even hope for a nerdy girl like me to finally find a boyfriend around here? Keep dreaming, Shera!

I've still not seen Captain Highwind, though. Turns out, the man seems to be a little less spectacular than the legend. A lot of the people here that have worked with him don't seem very willing to discuss what the captain is like when I've asked. There's an overwhelming sense of intimidation around him, it seems. Then again, a man like that who has got to have a lot on his mind is probably entitled to be a little socially retarded. Heck, who am I to judge someone else's social graces?

Though it's only been about three weeks since I got here, my supervisor here said he's impressed with my work. He says one of the higher engineers in the program is going to retire next month and he's going to recommend me to take his place! This is just mind boggling. Life is moving fast since I got out of school. I guess all that studying really is going to pay off. He said I've taken to this rocket project like a duck to water.

If I do get that position, I will be working directly under the supervision of Captain Highwind himself. I will admit, I'm nervous. We'll see if I even get that promotion before I get my hopes up.

-----------------

Dear Diary,

I got the promotion! It came through a few days ago for me but I've been too busy since then to write about it. I cleaned out my old workstation on Thursday and moved to my new office, you got it, I have an OFFICE! It's right next to the captain's house.

I finally saw him in person, too.

It scared the ever-living hell out of me.

I turned on my computer, and got to work on the schematics for the oxygen system on the spacecraft. I was completely engrossed in what I was doing. I mean, the plan for the tanks… I can't really explain it, and I know it was all designed by someone far brighter than I, but there just seems to be something not _quite_ right.

Anyway, I was oblivious to anything around me and I never heard anyone enter my office. I was brought out of my trance when the sudden and overwhelming smell of cigarettes hit me. Then, someone reached around from behind me, grabbed the edge of my desk and leaned over me.

I think I might have screeched a little… but I looked up and saw Captain Highwind leaning over me, looking at the computer screen. He seemed completely unfazed with the fact he had just scared ten years off of my life, but when I realized who he was, I grew even more nervous.

Sitting there, I think I just continued to look up at him blankly like an idiot while his eyes remained on the screen, narrowing as he seemed to commit to memory what was there. I didn't dare say a thing… words would have failed me anyway.

And… like the pictures of him had indicated, I did appreciate how attractive he was, even if just a tad older than me. There I go again…

He straightened back up after a few moments and then brought his eyes down to me. They are really a pretty blue, for the record.

I probably seemed completely retarded to him.

"So, you took Morris' place, huh?" he asked me curtly.

I think I nodded or I might have uttered some slight affirmative.

The captain nodded in response, rubbed his nose briefly on the back of his left hand, and scowled down at me. "Well, try and be less of a fuck up than him, okay?"

I had managed to learn from the others in town that when Captain Highwind spoke, he tended to be a little crude with his language so I wasn't entirely surprised. I was too overwhelmed to be near him to honestly have cared anyway.

I told him I was going to give it all I had and smiled.

That seemed to appease him on some level and he cleared his throat with a grunted, "Yeah," and walked out.

So much for my grand first encounter with the man of myth. God, he probably thinks I'm just as lame as could be.

I think this is one of those nights I'm going to help myself to a little bit of that wine I still have in the cabinet. Maybe I can think of something better to say to the captain the next time I see him.


	2. Chapter 2

Shera's Diary

Chapter Two

Doubt

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

Dear Diary,

I think Captain Highwind hates me.

I'm not sure exactly what I did, but clearly, I'm not living up to some sort of standard that he's expected of me. Although I'm still agonizing over those schematics of the oxygen tanks, over the last two months I have been delegated with working on the installation of the rocket's navigational systems.

Whenever I've seen him either near my office or at the rocket itself, I've tried to be nothing but pleasant to him. I always offer him a bright smile and a greeting and all I ever get back from him is a glare of annoyance. Despite this, I still feel compelled to keep trying. There's just something about him I, foolishly, can't resist. I guess what they say about jerks being attractive is true. I never thought I'd fall for that but somehow... He's not a jerk, though. I know there's something else in there that I just can't quite put my finger on. Maybe it's just all the stress on me.

It's _got _to be the stress. I think that's what's going on. Everyone in town feels it. The captain feels it. His life is on the line. If one of us just messes up one tiny detail… just one small item, he dies.

It's finally sinking in. I'm not just working on a rocket. I'm not just helping create a machine. No… at the end of the day, that man, the man I now both worship on some level and fear on another, his very _life_ depends on my competence. If I fail, he dies.

Even if he turns out to be the worst human being in the world, I couldn't bear having his death on my conscience. Oh, please God in heaven-- what have I gotten myself into? I'm not qualified for this! I'm just a kid fresh out of school! What are they thinking! Why have they put me in this kind of position?

I'm sorry… I'm so freaked out right now. I'm going to cry so I've got to take off my glasses. I should call my mother. I'll write more later.

Okay, okay… I'm calmer now. I'm not going to lie, either. I finished that bottle of wine I had so if what I write gets a little out there, I'll be reminded why.

So there it is. The truth of the matter is that not one person in this town knows what's going to happen. Despite all the collective years of education, the degrees, the intelligence of those amassed here… not one damn person here knows WHAT is going to happen when Cid-- sorry, when the captain climbs into that rocket and hits the ignition.

Maybe he will be the first man in space, or maybe he will just be the first person to die in a space rocket. Either way, this town, or at least, all of us that are employed on this project, will share the responsibility for the outcome, no matter what that outcome may be.

That's what's probably going on with the way the captain treats all of us. He's keeping his guard up. He has to. He's the most knowledgeable person here in regards to the project and he needs to run "a tight ship" as he says. That man has the most to lose-- not only his dreams but his very life. If I were in his position? I'd be uptight, too. I'd be looking over everyone's shoulders.

I can't hold the way he acts against him. This is his entire existence.

He's incredibly brave to be doing this, that or foolish. No, he's not foolish. That's not the kind he is. He's not doing this for the thrill. He's doing it because he feels that it's his destiny. It's the reason for his being and that's why he's willing to risk his life for it.

I know I have had this hero worship complex over him since school. He's always seemed more of a legend than a real human being but… he is. He's just a man. An incredibly brave, intelligent man, with a faith in something more profound than I think anyone has ever really given him credit for.

Right about now, I could use some of that faith. I don't have it, though. I just have numerous schematics, plans for that rocket. My religion these days are those blueprints. I pour over them, day in and day out. I can't explain it, but I just know there is something that's being over looked. I don't think that's just my paranoia over Captain Highwind's life being on the line. I think it's very real, a gut instinct that I'm missing something on those plans. Something that no one else here has been able to catch, not even the captain himself.

What chance can I possibly have to figure it out if they can't?

-------------

Dear Diary,

I went to school to become an aerospace engineer. I aspired to get a job with Shin Ra. I dreamt of the day that I might be able to emulate someone like Captain Highwind, or to even work with him.

I never imagined that such dreams could come true, only to reveal themselves as nightmares. Yet, I can't just quit. I can't leave. Not because I'm under any contractual obligation, but rather, because of the fear in my heart that if I go, the next person might miss something. That something could cost Captain Highwind his life.

I don't want to be here, but I'm just as terrified to leave now. It truly is a nightmare, one that I can't wake up from.

Every time I see the captain now… there's a pain in my chest and a burn in my mind. If he dies, I don't know how I'm going to live with it. I still try to act just as cheerful and upbeat toward him as ever, especially now that I've come to appreciate that no one else approaches him that way.

Maybe he still rarely acknowledges me, and when he does, it is still less than warm, but I can't help it. I feel bad for him. I think on some level he's lonely. He's been placed on a pedestal that keeps him isolated from the rest of the world. His fame and notoriety go beyond the likes of engineers such as myself. It extends far and wide, and when people that don't live here see and recognize him, they come over with that celebrity stricken behavior. I can tell that he hates that sort of attention, and I'm willing to bet that it's yet another reason he's built that wall around himself. It keeps a lot of those groupie types from bothering him too much. The stress of the life he leads, the possibility of death, and his dislike of strangers getting too close, has basically shut him off from the rest of the world.

I used to think, back in school just eight months ago, that it would be great to be someone like the captain. Now, I honestly pity him. He's got so much on his plate… so many impossible expectations of him from people. They forget that he's human.

I will never forget that about him. Even if he never cracks a smile at me, I'll never blame him for being like he is. At the end of the day, I think he's still one of the few people in this world left that still really, honestly, believes in something.

All I can do now is believe in him and do all that I can to see that his dream becomes a reality.

--------------

Dear Diary,

I'm so confused.

The second in command of this project resigned today. He was directly under the supervision of Captain Highwind.

I've been told that I'm being promoted to the position. I asked the guy who told me why I was being given that job, when I am far from the most experienced person for it.

All he said was, "There are just reasons, Shera. Accept it."

I don't know what in the world that could mean. I really don't and now it means just a larger burden upon my shoulders, a greater responsibility. More blame should this fail, and once more, I feel the weight of Captain Highwind's life in my hands.

-------------

Dear Diary,

I did get that promotion last week. For the last several days, I've been the Engineering Manager. What this means is, that all the various departments now come to me to run by their plans and give approval when needed. My job is to make sure that things are Kosher and if they aren't, it's then my job to pass it on to Captain Highwind for review.

This keeps me very busy and leaves me little time during the day to continue with my obsession over the oxygen tanks. Yes, I'm still stuck on them. I just know there is something amiss there. I'll see if I can talk to the captain about it soon. He's usually too busy for such things, especially when he's already given his personal stamp of approval to that part of the design.

For the life of me, I don't know why I was the one promoted.

-----------

Dear Diary,

I am shaking like a leaf.

I found myself alone in the main design office after hours tonight. Captain Highwind was there, also. I was only half looking over my work-- in fact, I was mostly just watching him as he sat, hunched over a drafting table, scratching down notes.

Talk about a man obsessed. He was completely oblivious to the rest of the world as he worked, his pencil moving frantically over the schematics, writing here, erasing there. I didn't realize that I was staring as much as I was until about an hour after everyone else had gone.

He sighed, apparently done with his task, tossing his pencil down upon the paper, reaching up, and pulling his ever-present goggles from his head. His exhausted eyes slowly scanned over to me and I felt myself flush red.

I had been caught.

One of his eyebrows cocked and his eyes narrowed at me as they often did. Instead of his mouth pulling down into a scowl as it usually did, though, he almost seemed in danger of smiling, or… at least as close as he ever got to doing so. "What the fuck you starin' at?"

I shrugged and tried to blow it off. "Nothing, Sir."

His head bobbed slightly in something of a nod, and I awaited further cursing or degradation.

But it didn't come.

He leaned back in his chair and continued to look at me. "I'm hungry. Let's get the fuck outta here and get some dinner and call it a night. What do ya say? I'll buy."

I could have died. Profanity included, it was the most civil tone he'd ever had with me, and I realized that he was just so incredibly tired that, for the moment, he didn't have his guard up. The fact that he still was all right with asking me to accompany him despite that shell being down got my attention and I had no choice but to comply. After all, who knew if this sort of opportunity would present itself again? "That would be very nice, Captain."

We closed up the office and went to the nearby diner. I counted, and he managed to get through five cigarettes during the walk. I wish he didn't smoke like that. I hate to think what his lungs must look like.

Nothing at all was said between us for the duration of our meal, the awkward silence bearing down upon me until he sat down his after dinner tea and looked up at me.

"Rocket's comin' along quicker than I thought it would," Captain Highwind said to me, his eyes dropping away and back down to his hands on the table.

I nodded. "Well, there are a lot of people working very hard for you, Sir."

He made something between a grunt and a laugh at that. I think he was agreeing. I also think the fact he'd poured back four beers with dinner was getting the better of him. Furthermore, his Southern drawl gets more pronounced when he drinks. It's endearing-- very endearing.

Feeling braver than I ever had in his presence, perhaps from the beer he'd given me as well, I asked him the burning question on my mind. "Captain… why out of all the people that are here did I get this position? I don't feel that I'm the most qualified at all."

I'll never forget what he did and said after that for as long as I live on this planet.

Captain Highwind leaned forward on the table and looked me square in the eye. "I chose you, and before you ask me why, I'll outright tell ya. Shera, you ain't the most experienced one on this crew. I know that, you know that. What… shit… I'm gonna admit somethin' to ya and you gotta _swear_ to me right here and now that this conversation never happened, all right? If ya do tell this to anyone, I'll kick your ass offa the program."

"I won't tell a soul, Sir." My heart was pounding in my ears. What possible reason could he have to want me as his top engineer?

Captain Highwind suddenly didn't look so hard and cold as I'd come to know him. There was something behind his eyes that I'd never witnessed before in this man. "This rocket is my life-- both literally and figuratively. If it fails, I fail. I die if this doesn't go right. There's a lot to be said for many of the very professional, aloof engineers that are workin' on this but… You're the only one on this team, Shera, who don't look at me like they do. To them, I'm just a piece of that machine, and they treat me like it. You don't. You treat me kindly all the time, no matter what I say or heft upon ya. I don't know why y'all are compelled to try and treat me like a friend but… I feel that ya do. Maybe I'm full of shit but…"

I watched as he suddenly dropped his gaze back to the table top, a profoundly uncomfortable air descending around him. "…out of everyone here, I think you're the only one that remembers that I'm a real person. I think you actually give a fuck about my survival through this. That right there makes you the most qualified one there is to oversee this project. I think it makes you a lot more thorough than many of the others who are just in a rush to see this thing done and go for the glory. You ain't in it for that, though. You're in it… because…"

As his cheeks took on a deep flush, I couldn't help but instinctively finish that sentence for him. "…because I'm the only one who cares about you and not the rocket."

"So I'm not out in left fuckin' field with that, then?" he asked, bringing his gaze back up to mine and leaning back again.

"Not at all, Sir. Your survival has become my greatest concern. I'm terribly afraid." I couldn't believe I'd admitted that to him. Then again, he'd just given me the first real indication that what I've thought about him deep down was actually correct.

"Shera… so am I."

I don't even remember if I was breathing when he said that to me. All of my speculations about him had been right, painfully, painfully right.

He looked over and out the window to his left. "Thing is, this is my destiny, one way or another-- live or die, failure or success. What happens, happens… and we're just along for the ride. Fate put me here for whatever reason she's got, and I'm here 'til the bitter end."

"Fate…" I felt that word slip past my lips as I followed his gaze out the window and over to the rocket, lit up in the night thanks to the lights that shone upon it. "So… why has fate pulled me into this?" I openly wondered.

"I dunno… but there's a reason for everythin'. Maybe it's about the rocket… maybe it ain't. Maybe this is just the way life is settin' you up for somethin' else that's gonna be important. Fuck, if I could see the future, Shera, I'd be a rich man for one, and not losin' sleep over this project for another." He said back to me, his eyes coming over to meet my own.

I cracked a smile at that, not knowing what else to do and in response, Captain Highwind laughed. He honest to God _laughed_! That's the first time I've ever heard him do that.

A few minutes later, he got up, tossed some money on the table to cover our check, and then offered me a smirk. "Well, Miss Shera, I'm headin' home. See ya tomorrow."

I gave him a smile and a nod. "Yes, Sir."

"Good girl." He moved toward the exit, patting me lightly on the shoulder before vanishing from view.

I was scared before with just what I _thought_ was going on with this project and in the Captain's mind, now having had it confirmed-- I'm downright mortified.

God in heaven I'm terrified. His life is in my hands, and that's what he wants? What in the Hell is the man thinking?

Deep down, though, I understand.

I think I understand…

Maybe I'm just deluding myself.


	3. Chapter 3

Shera's Diary

Chapter 3

Quandary

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

Dear Diary,

I'm going to make this short. Since I was up until three in the morning last night writing down what happened, I'm really exhausted. I had to have a meeting with the lead electrician on the project this morning at six thirty.

That went fine, I guess, but…

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster. Last night, I really felt that I gotten through to Captain Highwind on some level. Turns out, I think it was more about the beer and less about me.

I went to him around two this afternoon with the schematics of the oxygen tanks. Even now I still…

Well, anyway, I walked up to where he happened to be sitting at the time. "Sir?"

Without even looking up from what he was reading, he growled. "What, Goddamnit?"

"I have something I would like to discuss with you," I said, smiling and trying to be my usual happy self.

"What?"

I set the plans on his desk. "These schematics for the oxygen--"

He pushed them over to the side, never even looking at them, and he cut off my words. "The oxygen system, Shera, is done. It's built already. It's a moot point. I can't implement any new fuckin' ideas now."

"I know but…"

"But what? I've got shit to do right now. I don't have time for this constant crap from you and the other engineers. Do your damn job." He still didn't look up at me.

My frustration was starting to get the better of me as I realized right there that he was still going to be the same way toward me as ever. I guess last night had just been a fluke. "I think there's something wrong though, Sir."

"What specifically?" Finally, he slammed his hand on his desk and turned in his chair to look at me, a scowl upon his face.

"Well… that's the problem. I don't know but there's just something that I--" Once more, I found myself cut off.

He stood up and glared down at me. "You _think_ there's _somethin'_, but you don't know _what_? Those fuckin' tanks, again, are built! I can't change shit with them, not when you can't tell me if there really is a specific problem! Those systems have been reviewed, again and again. I myself looked at 'em long and hard. There ain't SHIT wrong with the oxygen system. You don't come to me unless you've got a problem that you already have a solution for, you got me?"

I don't know what it is… I can tell you, honestly, that being talked to like that by anyone else would have brought me to tears. I didn't feel them, though. He was right. If I couldn't tell him what was wrong, then how could he believe that something was wrong at all? In the case of those tanks, I think I'm just letting my fear and paranoia get the better of me. I'm going to try and get my mind on other parts of the project for now.

Well, so much for keeping this short. I'm going to bed.

------------

Dear Diary,

I was sitting having a sandwich today on the grass that makes up what I guess is Captain Highwind's front lawn. It was late in the afternoon and a hot day today, and the shadow of the rocket not too far off, fell over where I was sitting.

It really is beautiful here. Even when this project is over, I'm not sure I ever want to go back to the big city. I think I could be perfectly content living here for the rest of my life.

I just wish I had someone to spend it with. I'm 23 as of yesterday and I've still never had a boyfriend. Is it just me or is that hugely pathetic? I know I'm not the best looking woman around, but I'm not exactly hideous, I don't think. I've made a lot of friends in this town, several of them male. We go to lunch here or there, I get invited to dinners and get togethers. It's not that I don't have a social life in Rocket, I do. Then again, I guess I would actually have to be interested in one of the guys I hang out with for anything to happen and, as nice as they all are, I'm not attracted to any of them.

Well, none of the ones I deal with socially, anyway. I'm not willing to even let myself think about what, or rather, whom I _am_ interested in. That is wholly inappropriate of me to even think the sorts of things I have. I'm sure a relationship is the last thing on that man's mind anyway, and I know I would never be good enough.

I need to get my mind on other things.

------------

Dear Diary,

It's become a habit for me to have my lunch out on the grass now. I've been doing it for two weeks straight, but this summer weather here is just so lovely, I feel like I have to get out of that office at least _once_ a day.

As I was out there, though, finishing off my soda, I happened to look back at the captain's house. I was quite surprised to see him sitting there on his front steps, just a few yards off. He was smoking, of course. I never thought he took breaks during the day, though. I guess I was wrong.

In any event, I noticed that he was looking right at me. Suddenly, I felt more than a little self-conscious. I mean, I was sitting on the man's lawn and I never had actually asked permission to do so. I braced myself, thinking that now that we were looking at one another, that he would tell me to get off his property.

He didn't, though.

What he did do, actually, confused me.

I watched, setting my drink on the ground before me, as he got up from where he sat on the porch and strolled over toward me, his hands in his pockets. His eyes were on the ground as he approached me, and I once again realized I was seeing something in the captain that no one else did. He almost seemed… shy? Was he self-conscious? What was it? His confident air was missing for some reason.

When he got close, he sat down next to me, facing the rocket as I had been. I turned my gaze from him at that point and to the rocket as well. I waited for him to say anything.

Several minutes went by before he huffed and then spoke. "ETA on lift off is just three months."

I had heard this from the others on the project. All was slated to be finished in just twelve weeks, seven months ahead of schedule. "It is shaping up to look that way, Captain."

"Shera… what will ya do?" he asked, his voice quiet, with no hint of anger or frustration whatsoever.

He was doing it again-- talking to me, really talking to me, and this time, it was without the aid of any alcohol. I knew that if nothing else, the captain kept his drinking strictly for after hours. I dared to look at him for just a few seconds. "What will I do, Sir?"

He nodded, not taking his eyes from his rocket. "Yeah, ya know? Will you stay in Rocket? Will you ask for Shin Ra to transfer you elsewhere?"

That was a very good question. I'd been so stressed over this project and the possible outcome, that other than just thinking that Rocket was a nice place to be, I had never considered my next career move. "I don't know. I do like it here, Sir."

"Ain't you got a family somewhere that y'all want to get back to?"

I was honestly shocked to hear such a question from him. "My only relative still living is my mother, Sir. She never stays in one place anymore. Since she retired, she's just traveled. So really, I don't have any other attachments."

I felt him looking at me again. "Not even a boyfriend or somethin' somewhere?"

I couldn't help but laugh and I turned my gaze to him, finding his blue eyes looking right back into mine. "None, Sir. I've… as ridiculous as it sounds, I've never had a boyfriend at all."

There was an expression that crossed his face at that moment. Captain Highwind seemed amused to hear that. "Ain't that somethin'? I woulda though y'all woulda had someone somewhere along the line. You're just… a real damn nice girl. Can't imagine why you ain't taken."

To hear such a thing from Captain Highwind as that… I know I blushed horridly and I looked away quickly. I knew he surely wasn't interested in me. "That's very kind of you to say, but I assure you, I'm quite single and have always been."

He reached over and jabbed me lightly in the shoulder with a finger. "Nothin' at all ever? Not even a good one nighter?"

"Captain!" I couldn't believe he'd ventured there with me. I smiled despite it. "I've done no such thing!"

For the second time in all the months I've now been around him, I heard him laugh. That really is a wonderful thing to hear him do, because you know it's sincere. "So I finally found the way to get a reaction outta ya, eh? The ol' sex life route."

I felt myself blush again, and I shook my head looking down at the ground. "You honestly perplex me, Sir."

He laughed one more time as he got up. The captain patted me on the head before he strolled back toward the rocket. "Well, don't hurt yourself thinkin' about it too much, Shera. I need that brain of yours workin' on my damn ship."

I'm going to be awake all night trying to figure out what in the world that brief conversation between us had really been about. I can't help but think there was some sort of subtext to it. Then again, I could just be deluding myself again. Still, he had complimented me in his own way. That alone made the day worth it.

There I go again… I need to get myself under control.


	4. Chapter 4

Shera's Diary

Chapter 4

Apprehension

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

Dear Diary,

Well, a few weeks ago I resolved to drop the oxygen tank issue. Turns out, I lied. I can't let it go. I've taken to studying those plans now every night as I lay in bed, before I go to sleep.

After looking and looking, I've narrowed it down to being tank number eight. It's done just a little different than the other seven, and it's the one that's really catching my eye. Now, if I can just figure out what, exactly, it is about that tank…

The good news is that the rocket is completed, so the next nine weeks will all be systems tests before the lift off. This means I will finally get my hands on those tanks and I can check them in person. Mind you, I'll have a lot of systems to review, but I will make sure those tanks are all right. Even if it means that I'll be burning the midnight oil and doing my studies on the tanks after hours. I mean, I can't very well let my closet obsession over the tanks cut into my other duties.

--------------

Dear Diary,

It's one in the morning. I just got back to my apartment despite going to work today at around six. It's been a long but… interesting day.

Once it got to be around five thirty, tonight, I grabbed a bite to eat and then headed back to the rocket. I studied the tanks as I've made a habit of doing, especially that number eight.

Well, when it got close to midnight, I started to feel tired and not having found anything significant once again, I decided to go home. As I started to leave the rocket, though, I decided to have a look at the bridge of the craft. Just out of curiosity if nothing else. You see, although I'm in charge of checking the systems of the ship, Captain Highwind has taken all the bridge checks upon himself, since that is to be his domain.

Feeling like I was getting away with something, I climbed up to the bridge and entered. I was scared out of my skin to find the captain there, sitting in his would be place, running his hands over various switches and gauges.

Knowing that he'd heard me arrive, I froze in place, waiting for him to look over and see me there, probably to yell at me for being where I didn't belong.

In another rare instance, he didn't, though. The captain didn't even need to look back to know it was me. "Shera… It's later than usual for you to still be spookin' around the rocket."

I kept my eyes focused on him in the dim light, nodding even though he wasn't looking at me. "Sir?"

"I know you been in this rocket every night pretty much. You hang out with those damn oxygen tanks until around ten most nights before leaving and goin' home," he said to me, his voice in his quiet tone.

"Y…you know about that?" I'd asked, curious that he would take any note of my habits.

"Of course I do. I'm in here almost every damn night, checkin' things out and I do have those, you know." With that, he motioned toward a bank of monitors to his left, one of which showed the engine room.

Now, I knew that there were cameras around the ship, I'd approved the plans for those myself, but I'd not been aware that they were ever in use. "Oh…"

He turned in his seat at that point and looked at me. "Shera… you're burnin' the candle at both ends. Those tanks are fine, I wish you really would quit worryin' 'bout 'em."

I dropped my gaze to the floor before me at that, but I couldn't help but make an observation. "You are working here before I ever get up in the morning, and you're still here, so it would seem, when I go home again at night. If there's anyone that's burning that candle, Captain, it's you."

His face broke into a smile at that, and he shrugged slightly. "So I am, but my life _is_ on the line."

"I know…" God in heaven how I knew. "That's why I… I just need to know everything on this rocket is perfect, Sir. I couldn't live with myself if the mission failed and you…" I couldn't bring myself to say it to him.

His eyes narrowed and he nodded again, although I had feared I would have been berated for saying such a thing to him. "Well, I trust you to make sure that don't happen. You make sure this ship is perfect and I promise to live. How's that suit ya, Miss Shera?"

I smiled instinctively at his words. I knew, I absolutely _knew_ that no one else here in Rocket ever, _ever_ saw this side of the captain. "I'll do everything that I can."

"That's all I need to hear." Again, he offered me that rare smile of his, blue eyes turning to me, looking absolutely exhausted. "Go home, Miss Shera. I'll see ya in the mornin'."

"All right. Good night, Captain."

That was that and I came home

I know that if I ever tried to tell anyone in town that I've had these kinds of moments with the captain, that they wouldn't believe me. He was right the first time that we talked. I am the only one here that thinks of him as more than just a part of that rocket.

He's lonely. Somehow I just know that, maybe it's because I am, too. I'll leave it there.

----------------

Dear Diary,

That's it. I'm out of time. There have been no more private moments between the captain and I. Just his usual harsh treatment. There hasn't been any time for it. The last few weeks have been a blur. I haven't slept in three days.

The launch is tomorrow.

The rocket has been locked up tonight for security reasons. I will have just one more check tomorrow, right before lift off.

And that will be that.

Tonight, there's a party at the bar for the captain. I'm going to go get dressed for it now. I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight anyway.

---------------

Dear Diary,

I can't sleep. It's four in the morning and I absolutely _can't_ sleep. The bar closed at three and I got home not too long ago.

If he dies tomorrow, I don't know how I'll go on.

I'm sick to my stomach. I don't know if it's just the stress or the amount that I drank tonight or…

The party started to break up around midnight, since everyone was spent after the last several days of testing and retesting. I'd sat during the entire party at a corner table in the back of the bar, chatting with two of my fellow engineers that I've become close to over the last year.

Well, knowing that I wasn't going to have a cold chance in Hell of actually sleeping tonight, I remained at my table even after everyone else had left.

By one, it was just me at my little table, working on yet another rum and Coke, and Captain Highwind at the bar, a whiskey sour in his hand, his back to me.

I couldn't take my eyes off of him. During the party, he'd been loud and carried on, but now that he was basically alone, his shoulders were slumped as he leaned forward on his bar stool, his elbows on the bar.

I'll admit that when I drink too much, I get emotional, and as I sat there, watching him drink alone, seemingly unsettled, my heart ached.

I love him. I love him and I have from the outset. Despite the way he's treated me most of the time, I love him.

I started to cry.

I thought I was being quiet about it, too. Surely, I thought, there was no way he would know I was doing so from where he sat-- but he did.

I don't know, but it almost seems like Captain Highwind has some sort of sixth sense and without looking or moving at all, he spoke. "Shera… come 'ere."

My legs shaking with my emotion and from my drinking, I managed to transverse the bar. It may have only been thirty feet, but it felt like a mile. I walked up behind him and froze for a moment.

His left hand left the bar and he patted the seat right next to him.

I did as silently ordered and sat beside him, laying my arms on the bar, and staring down at its surface, ashamed that he'd see the tears on my cheeks. I was engulfed in that awful cloud of cigarette smoke that followed him everywhere, even when he wasn't smoking like at that moment.

The captain…

He reached over with his left hand and grabbed my right one as it lay there, entwining his fingers with my own, still not turning his head to look at me. I caught my breath and just… gripped that hand of his for all that it was worth. I don't know what was on his mind because he never said a word, but I think…

I think he was just feeling scared and alone, and with that sixth sense of his, I think he knew that I was feeling something along those lines as well, even if it wasn't my own life.

Tears continued to mark my face, but all I was really aware of was his hold on me. I wanted to tell him so badly how I felt. How scared I was. I knew I had no right, though. He was the one facing the unknown tomorrow.

Like I said, not a word was said the entire time and after two hours of the two of us just sitting there, hands joined, Mike, the barkeeper, came over and told us he was closing shop for the night.

The captain got up as did I and we walked to the door together, and then out into the night air. I looked over at him for a moment, and then he simply took my hand again and started me toward my apartment.

Again, there was just silence between us. Not an awkward one, but more of a reverent one. I really do believe, despite our very few real talks, that we knew one another like no one else on the project.

If nothing else, we seemed to be the only two in town now losing sleep over it.

The captain strolled, his right hand in his pocket, his left one holding mine. He seemed to be in no hurry to get me home, and he didn't take the most direct route there. The fact, though, that he did know exactly where I lived, the very apartment itself, surprised me. He'd never been there before, and yet, he led me straight to my front door.

Finally there, the captain let go of my hand and faced me, putting his hands on my shoulders.

I know I was shaking uncontrollably to be so close to him, to feel him touching me at all.

He spoke, finally. "Well, Shera, I guess this is g'night."

I offered up the best smile I could, my eyes still red in my exhaustion and tears. "Yes, Captain."

Those wonderful blue eyes of his left my gaze for a moment, going off to the side and I could almost see the wheels turning in his mind. I only wish I knew what he was thinking right in that moment.

I don't, though, and if anything goes wrong tomorrow, I'll never get the chance to ask him.

His hands both tightened their grip on my shoulders and he looked back at me again, nodded slightly, and leaned forward, kissing my cheek lightly. I closed my eyes and held my breath while he did so, only opening them again when I felt his hands fall away from me.

"I'll see ya tomorrow," he said, a faint smile on his lips.

"Y…yes, Captain," I stammered back.

Once more, he nodded and then turned, shoving his hands in his pockets and heading toward home.

So… here I sit.

I wish the sun would never rise… but it's a little after five now and I can see that the horizon is already brightening.

I wish that Goddamned sun would just stay down.


	5. Chapter 5

Shera's Diary

Chapter 5

Interference

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

(dialogue from the rocket launch until the rocket's shut off taken directly from the game)

Dear Dairy,

I wish I was dead. It almost happened, too. I can't live with this…

------------------

Dear Diary,

I just drank an entire bottle of Jack. I'll try and write what happened today, now. I couldn't before.

Okay…

I left my apartment shortly before six this morning. I never did go to sleep after the captain walked me home.

Which is fine, because there was a general meeting of the engineering staff slated at six fifteen. I arrived, helped myself to a cup of coffee, and sat at the meeting table with all the others involved in the project.

Our guidance and control manager, Rich, told us that the weather was looking good and that the launch window was going to be between fifteen hundred and sixteen fifty two. He had no reason to believe that there were going to be any external delays and that the countdown would most likely begin at fifteen hundred.

It was at that point that Captain Highwind walked into the room unannounced. He didn't seem concerned that he was late and he just went over to the coffee maker, got himself a cup, and then moved over to stand in the corner of the room, facing us but keeping his gaze down into his cup.

He seemed somber, and just listened to the proceedings with a slight nod here and there. Most of this wasn't his concern. The engineers had basically taken this project out of his hands and all he had to do today was get into the rocket when they told him and then launch.

After Rich's short briefing, it was my turn as the Engineering Lead. I assigned everyone their checks to run that morning.

I assigned myself to the tanks.

That was the only moment that Captain Highwind seemed to react. He looked up from his coffee and over at me, his eyes narrowed in thought.

He didn't say anything though, only straightening up and walking out. The man had to be incredibly nervous, though, so I didn't blame him in the least. Like I've said in the past, I will never hold the way he acts against him.

None of it.

I then went up to the rocket and began my final checks on the tanks. I was interrupted frequently as the various department leads came to me with their final sign off sheets. Everything seemed to be checking out.

I ran my check over the oxygen tanks repeatedly.

By two in the afternoon, only one hour before lift off, I was still in there. Something was starting to click in my mind, and I was growing frantic.

I'll write down here what I realized the problem to be. That way, maybe someday, someone will be able to see this and either validate or refute me.

There are eight tanks, encircling the engine room. Now, seven of those tanks are designed to dump oxygen into the fuel mixture as the rocket gets high enough into the atmosphere for there not to be enough ambient O2 to keep the engine burning. Those seven tanks are piston actuated. That is to say, that there is basically a piston within those tanks that compresses the gas within to a constant pressure. When the temperature goes up and the gas within expands, the piston will back off, and as pressure is lost from the gas being used up, the piston within will begin to compress the gas to keep the pressure at a steady 1500psi. Even if the cooling system doesn't keep the temperature of those tanks down, the fact that the internal volume of them can change will eliminate any risk of them blowing. Even if one of the pistons fails, all seven of those tanks are linked and the others would immediately compensate for it. They were rated to hold 1500psi, and hold 1500psi they would. I had no fear of those tanks having an issue.

It was number eight.

It was independent of all the other tanks. This was the tank that was to supply the capsule of the rocket with oxygen

This was a static tank. It had been pressurized that morning. Its volume would be a constant. It was pressurized to 2100psi, which is standard for this type of application. It wouldn't blow as long as its pressure didn't exceed that 2100 mark.

It was ten minutes to launch when I looked at the plans in my hand one last time.

It was so simple… so horrifyingly simple and I, the captain, and all the others that had reviewed this system had missed it

Whoever had done the initial calculations for the tanks had assumed a psi of 1500 for all of them. Later on, the eight tank had been labeled for 2100, but the original calculations of construction had all been based on the 1500psi rating.

The tank was already over pressured and when that engine fired up, cooling system or not, with that being a static tank, the temperature and pressure of it was going to rise.

And it would explode.

When it did, it would blow out the sidewall of the engine chamber of the rocket and most likely, the force of its blast would cause the other seven tanks to go. If Captain Highwind wasn't killed outright in a massive explosion, he would have died from the lack of pressurization in the life support systems.

He would die, and he was already in the cockpit by the time I made this horrible realization.

I heard the countdown initiate.

The intercom blared to life as I stood there before that tank. "Hey, Goddamnit! Who in the fuck is still in there?"

How was I going to explain in the remaining three minutes what it had taken me over a year to figure out? At that point, I had remembered that there was a pressure bleed off valve on that eight tank. If I could get the pressure within it bled down below 1500psi, there would be a good chance that it would hold. I reached over and turned the valve, hearing a hiss and watching the pressure needle start a slow descent. "It's Shera, Captain. Don't mind me, go ahead with the launch."

"Shera?! What are you still doin' in there?" he shouted back, his voice betraying something.

I tried to keep my tone normal as I continued to watch that needle move toward a safer pressure. "I was still concerned. The results of the oxygen tank test weren't satisfactory."

He seemed to come unglued. "You stupid little bitch! It's gonna get so hot in there that there ain't gonna be SHIT left when we blast off! You're gonna be burnt to a crisp! You're gonna die! You know that, don't ya!?"

What I was doing was working, the needle was almost down to 1500psi. My death didn't worry me. This was my responsibility and if he had died, I wouldn't have been able to go on anyway. At least I could save the captain's life before I went. "I don't mind. If I can just fix this, the launch will be a success. I'm almost done."

There was a brief pause, before I heard him again. "Almost done? You're gonna die!"

I heard him then argue with control for a moment, before he addressed me again. "Goddamnit, Shera... you wanna make me a murderer?"

That was the furthest thing from my mind, I just didn't want him to die, and I didn't want his dream to crumble. I felt tears on my cheeks. "Captain…"

"Shera?!" The captain wanted answers, even as the engine of the ship began to rumble. There was no way for me to get out at that point, I was done for anyway.

I tried my best to still have my usual, happy tone to him. I wanted him to know I was really all right. The needle was down to 1300psi. He would live. "Tank number seven check is complete. Once I complete tank number eight, it's all clear."

At that point, I heard the intercom click on again. It was the captain, but it was… it was that tone from him that I'd only heard before during our few private moments. "Come on, Shera... hurry up... You're gonna die..."

I couldn't respond, only to smile to myself as I finally reached over and shut the valve. The pressure of the tank was at a safe level. I had saved the captain's life. I could die at peace with that.

I heard him again, but this time he wasn't talking to me, just to himself. "What... what am I ...What am I supposed to do...?"

_Just fly, have your dream, Captain…_ I thought to myself, closing my eyes as I heard the engine begin to scream to life behind me, ready to embrace my fate, feeling the rocket start to move.

"Shit!" Captain Highwind yelled and then there…

There was complete silence, and the rocket lurched downward again. He had aborted.

I gasped and grabbed onto the tank before me, feeling the rocket hit the launch pad and begin to list to the side. I thought we were going over but it soon stopped, leaving the entire vessel at an awkward angle.

I gave into my emotions at that point and cried. Either way, I had saved the captain's life, but in order to save mine, he had sacrificed his dream.

In essence, I had made him a failure. A living failure.

Several minutes later, I heard something behind me and I turned around, to see the captain there, his left hand holding onto the entry to the engine room, his right upon his hip. The expression on his face wasn't one that I had ever seen before.

It was pure and absolute hatred. His jaw tensed several times before he said anything, his voice in a growl. "Get the fuck offa my ship, get your shit outta that office, and I don't ever, EVER wanna see your bitch ass again, you got me?"

I nodded, averting my gaze from him, my heart breaking. If there had been something at all between us, it was gone now. I may have saved his life, but I had killed his dream, his pride… for him, that seemed to have been worse than death. I deserved his words. I deserved whatever happened.

At that point, he left. I haven't seen him again since then. I went to my office and grabbed the few things that meant anything at all to me and now I'm here in my apartment again. I've been crying and drinking since.

The man I love hates me, and he hates me for saving his life. I've humiliated him. I wish he hadn't stopped that launch.


	6. Chapter 6

Shera's Diary

Chapter 6

Pariah

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

(I know there's more than two people reading this and I really could use the feedback. Please?)

Dear Diary,

I didn't leave my apartment at all after I got here after ruining the captain's life. I spent most of today inside, too, until it got to be around four. I knew I needed to go to the bank and put in my paycheck since my bills are due, it being the first of the month.

It's only three blocks to the bank, but I figured that it would be best for me to take my car and use the drive up teller to avoid contact with others in the town. I know I'm reviled now.

Well, I got to my car parked out in front of my apartment and…

Someone had slashed my tires. Random acts like that don't happen in this town, so I know it was someone lashing out against me for ruining the launch. So, it had begun.

Not having a choice, I walked to the bank. People on the streets fell silent as I approached, only to talk behind me in low tones about how I had ruined the launch, how I had sabotaged Captain Highwind's mission.

As much as I wished to explain what had really happened, I knew there was no point. No one was going to believe me. The town needed a focus for their anger and frustration. They needed a scapegoat and it was I.

I got to the bank and went up to the teller. She had always been kind to me since I arrived in Rocket, but today she didn't say a word. I placed my paycheck on the counter and she took it, typing something into her computer terminal.

I then watched as she scoffed, picked up my paycheck and tore it in two. "The company has revoked your pay and your account has been cancelled. Please leave, Ms. Sakamoto."

Now, over the years, I had heard rumors about Shin Ra doing this sort of thing to failed employees, but never had I imagined it would be me. However, the company did control everything so they had the power to do such a thing. Realizing that my apartment was mine only by virtue of the company providing it for me, I ran home. I feared all of my belongings being confiscated since I had left for a moment.

When I turned onto my street, my fears were realized. There was a Turk standing outside of my door, a few boxes before him.

I dared to ask what was going on.

He looked down at me over the top of his sunglasses, his face emotionless. "The company has seen it fit to evict you from their property. You may take what is in these boxes and vacate the premises immediately."

I looked at the boxes, seeing that they held my clothes, my toiletries, and my books. Honestly, that's all I could have fit into my tiny car anyway. I took the boxes, one by one, down to my disabled car and loaded them within.

I knew I had to get my tires repaired and then leave town. I went across the street to the service station and neared the attendant. He tried to ignore me at first, but then I made enough of a pest of myself that he acknowledged me.

"Fine, I'll change your tires but it's gonna be at least a grand," he said to me, looking at me as though I was subhuman.

I knew that was highway robbery but I knew I wasn't in a position to argue. Since my bank account had been suspended, I pulled out my credit card and placed it on the counter. The attendant ran it through his machine and then laughed.

"What?" I asked, not understanding.

He threw my card back at me. "It says this card has been cancelled."

The damn company had taken everything I had.

Everything.

Not knowing what else to do, I walked back to my car and locked myself inside, deciding that I needed to think. All I could do was call my mother, but in my shame, I didn't dare. I knew that where ever she was, she was surely being treated badly for simply being my mother. She didn't need my woes on top of her own.

I got out to stretch my legs after a while and I saw a newspaper lying on the ground. The headline nearly killed me.

_**Failed Engineer, Shera Sakamoto, Destroys Space Launch**_

I wanted to scream. Never have I wanted to scream more in my life. Still… I just didn't have the energy.

I retreated back into my car and that's where I am now, writing this. I guess I'm going to sleep in here tonight. I have no where else to go.

I wonder what the Captain is doing?

-------------------

Dear Diary,

I'm so cold right now. I just woke up and despite it being late summer, it got really cold last night. I'm running my car just to get the heater warmed up so that I stop feeling like I'm going to die.

I want to anyway.

At least Captain Highwind is alive. That is my only consolation.

I tried to call my mother this morning and my cell phone isn't working. I guess the company had that deactivated, too.

So, I walked to the phone booth on the corner and made a collect call to my mother, who is currently summering in Costa. She answered on the third ring. "Hello?"

"Mom…" I knew this was going to be hard.

"Shera… I can't talk to you right now. You have let this family, your father's name, and memory down," she said and hung up.

My own mother hung up on me. I'm just that much of a disappointment to her. She always pushed me to be perfect. For the first time since he died, I am glad that my father isn't around to see something.

I'm utterly alone.

I'm also starving. I'm going to use the last twelve gil in my pocket to buy what I can at the store later today. That's really all I can do for the moment.

---------------

Dear Diary,

I'm stranded here in a car that can't go anywhere. I've been completely cut off from the world. Those who were my friends, so I thought, during the project have abandoned me.

Someone wrote the word 'bitch' on the windshield of my car last night in the condensation. They were kind enough to write it backward, so that I can read it from inside.

At least the vandals in this town are considerate. God that sounds lame.

After living in this car for two days, I'm incredibly sore. The attendant at the service station is letting me use the bathroom, but not without a fair share of hassle.

I don't know what to do.

I would welcome a reaming out by Captain Highwind right about now. Anything would be better than this isolation.

I was digging through my boxes out of sheer boredom. I found half a bottle of my old sleeping pills within one of them. I've got them in the glove box, now. I've already been dishonored, I'm alone, and the world hates me. If that isn't a justifiable suicide right there, I don't know what is. I don't think I'll actually do such a thing. Who knows, perhaps a Turk will be assigned to make me 'vanish' soon anyway.

--------------

Dear Diary,

I've been in the car for a week. What little food I've had is gone as of yesterday. The bathroom at the gas station is my only source of water. I got a ticket on my car today for being parked in one spot for too long. I can't pay the ticket, but I did manage to push the car down the street a good thirty feet so maybe I won't get towed quite yet.

I used my last quarter to call my mother again today. She hung up once more, without a word.

I wonder how Captain Highwind is doing. I think about him all the time. I can't imagine how he's feeling. I wish I could apologize to him, but I know it would fall on deaf ears.

I can't believe how incompetent I was. I should have caught that tank error from the outset. I'm so stupid. I ruined that man's life.

I saw a newspaper at the station today. The headline said that the company is canceling the space program thanks to my royal fuck up. That means the captain is now unemployed, too.

Maybe I'll get lucky and Captain Highwind will rethink that notion of being my murderer. Killing me would make him a hero in the town's eyes, at least.

I'll never see him again, though. Not for my killing or anything else.

---------------

Dear Diary,

There's no reason for me to live. I'm going to starve or freeze to death. I haven't eaten in three days now, and the car is out of gas so I can't run the heater. There is no where for me to go. No where. Someone threw something at my car last night, and broke the rear window out so even if the heater did work…

I don't want to die like this.

If I can't figure out what to do by tomorrow, I'm going to take my sleeping pills and just leave it all behind.

No one will miss me.

I'll leave this diary out, though, so that hopefully my reasoning on that damn tank can be seen. I'll write Captain Highwind an apology, too, even if he won't care.

---------------

To Captain Cid Highwind,

If your eyes ever fall upon this, it's because I have been found dead and this diary not simply thrown away as I suspect it will be.

Sir, I have written my explanation over the tank issue a few pages back in this. Please, _please_ look at it and see that I was right.

I didn't mean to ruin your life. I just wanted to save it. You asked me to make sure that everything in that rocket was perfect and I tried. I tried so hard, only to realize a fatal error in those last moments. I truly wouldn't have cared had I been incinerated in that engine room.

My life, as it stands now, isn't worth living and I'm going to end it anyway.

It's the thought of letting you down that is killing me. I know I was the only one on the project team that ever got to see the real you and still, I failed. You promoted me out of faith and I blew it. I have ruined your dreams and your life. It was never my intent.

I would never purposefully destroy the hopes of someone that I love as much as I love you. I never told you, because I knew you wouldn't care or be interested, but my heart was there, dedicated to seeing you through this project and still, I failed.

I don't expect to be forgiven, I just wanted you to know that I'm aware of what my actions have wrought.

Sincerely,

Shera Sakamoto

------------------

Dear Diary,

I thought I was ready to kill myself tonight. I even wrote my apology to the Captain on the last page.

It seems like fate just won't cut me a break.

I came back to the car after using the bathroom at the station, prepared to do what I needed to. When I got in the car, though, I saw that the glove box was opened and that my sleeping pills had been stolen.

I don't know who would do such a thing. How in the hell would anyone even know they were there? Damn it! Damn it all! I'm going to starve to death. I'm so hungry. I just want this over.

I hope, at the very least, that Captain Highwind is getting by all right. He's such a great man that surely, some other opportunity will come his way. After all, he believes that everything in his life happens for a reason.

It's unseasonably cold. It froze last night. I think it will again.


	7. Chapter 7

Shera's Diary

Chapter 7

Deluge

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

Dear Diary,

I woke up this morning at seven, in the driver's seat of my car as has been the norm. Yesterday, I resolved to kill myself, but that didn't happen since the pills had gone missing. This morning, though, I discovered that at some point during the night, someone had come along and without waking me, covered the broken out back window of my car with a sheet of plastic. It was the sound of that plastic being moved by the wind that actually woke me.

Moreover, there is a sandwich and a bottle of soda sitting on the passenger seat next to me. Maybe the cruel joke is that the sandwich is poisoned. I don't really care. I'm so hungry right now that I'm going to eat it anyway.

I don't know who would have done that. Someone in town apparently has taken some pity on me. Maybe there is some hope for me yet.

Captain Highwind told me one time that everything happens for a reason. It could be that's why those pills vanished yesterday and now this token of kindness has shown up today. For the record, this sandwich is peanut butter and apricot jam. My favorite, honestly, and a strange combination for anyone to have come up with out of the blue. I don't ever recall telling anyone what I preferred in such a manner. Perhaps it was one of my former colleagues from the project-- then again, probably not.

-------------------

Dear Diary,

I'm still alive as of nine at night. I suppose that sandwich wasn't poisoned after all. I spent the day doing nothing. It looks like it may rain tonight. At least that plastic over the back window will keep the inside of my car dry. I hope whoever did it understands how grateful I am for that gesture.

----------------

Dear Diary,

My mysterious benefactor must have come by again last night. There was another sandwich on my passenger seat, another bottle of soda, and twenty gil to boot. After I finish my sandwich, I'm taking that twenty to the store to get some much needed supplies.

God I want a shower. Trying to keep clean out of that service station bathroom, the sink to which has no hot water, is not working out too well.

In any event, I'm going to leave a small thank you note on my passenger seat in case they come again tonight. I do want them to know that I appreciate it more than I could ever express.

I still think about the captain. When I went to the service station last night before sleeping, I heard someone talking to the attendant about him, and how he was going to be taking charter flights in his private plane to make ends meet. I admire his resiliency.

------------------

Dear Diary,

I had an awful experience on my way back from the grocery store tonight.

I was walking, keeping my head down, trying to avoid the leers of the town's people, just wishing to make it back to the car without too much trouble. It didn't work.

A man that I've seen around town, usually near the bar, was leaning against a building and I tried to pass him by. He reached out and grabbed the sleeve of my coat.

"So… living in that car must be pretty rough," he said to me.

I couldn't even bring myself to look at him. "I'm getting by."

"There's a way for you to earn enough to at least be able to afford a hotel."

I felt my blood run cold at those words. From his lewd tone, I knew what he was saying. I just wanted to get away and I stepped back, freeing myself from his grip. "I need to go."

"Well, maybe if you won't do it willingly for a buck, I'll just have to come and get it for free sometime," he said, before straightening up and walking away.

I'm so scared. Here I am in this car, alone, on a street that is unlit at night. The locks on the doors haven't worked for ages. What am I supposed to do if he follows through with that threat? I wish I had somewhere to go but there's no place. I happened to see Janice, one of my former coworkers and someone I thought I was close to, walk by a while ago. I got out and tried to talk to her, to beg her to let me stay with her if just for tonight, but she cursed me and ran off.

I wish there were a homeless shelter or something in this town but there just isn't.

I don't want that horrible man to touch me. I don't… that's the last thing I have--

---------------

Dear Diary,

Last night was the most horrible night and yet…

I stayed up out of fear as long as I could, fearing that the horrible man from earlier would come for me. Without having eaten much over the last several days, though, and sleeping in the cold, my exhaustion won out around midnight.

Suddenly, I was pulled from my sleep when I felt the car door next to me open. I opened my eyes to see that man standing there, leering down at me. Rain was pouring, and it was terribly dark, but there was no doubt in my mind that it was him. He held something between he and I, and I found myself confronted with a large knife.

It's ironic that I was ready to kill myself just a few days ago but in that moment, faced with that weapon, the thought of dying ripped right through me.

"Don't you dare scream, you bitch," he growled at me, waving that knife in my face. His left hand, the free one, darted out from his side and grabbed my throat. I instinctively placed my hands against him, to try and get him to let go but he was horrendously strong and I found myself simply out matched.

I still struggled for all I was worth as he started to push his way into the car with me. I felt the blade of his knife pressed below my left ear and I froze. I was so scared…

I felt tears in my eyes and I wanted to scream, but his impossibly tight grip on my neck kept me from being able to do so. His hand tightened, and I felt my world begin to black out.

For the record, being strangled is an interesting event. I don't mean that to be morbid, it's just that it's not so much painful as unnatural feeling, and when you black out, there is really no pain to speak of. Your awareness just begins to fade out.

And mine did.

One last conscious thought ran through my mind.

_At least I won't remember this. God, if nothing else, don't let me remember this…_

I don't know how many minutes I was unconscious, but it couldn't have been terribly long. I awoke to find myself staring up at the ceiling of my car. I was weak, and very disoriented, finding myself unable to move, or perhaps, I was just too scared.

I heard a commotion, the sounds of two men fighting. There were no words, just the noises of their grunts and grappling. Suddenly, the entire car rocked as what I perceived as one of the two men being thrown into the side of the vehicle.

I was still so incredibly frightened, and thanks to my glasses having been knocked away at some point, when I was finally able to lift my head somewhat, I wasn't able to make out a thing in the darkness. It was raining so hard that I couldn't see out of any of the car's glass, since the water had everything distorted.

I felt someone's hands on me and I just closed my eyes, afraid that it was that awful man again. It didn't take me long to realize that it wasn't, though.

Whoever it was, he was being relatively gentle but I still feigned unconsciousness. He checked my pulse it would seem, and sat me back up in my driver's seat. He then did a few other things around me before moving away and closing the car door again.

I just listened to the rain and picked up the smell of cigarettes on the air. It made me just miss the captain. As much as I hate smoking, in that moment, it was somehow the most comforting scent there could have been.

I didn't dare move in the least or open my eyes for hours. It's funny how fear can completely lock you up like that. I've never been in such a situation. When I did dare look around, the sun was rising. The rain had stopped and I saw no sign of anything unusual outside of my car. Still, on the passenger seat was another sandwich.

When I opened the door to get out and go to the service station a while later, I found the usual bottle of soda that had accompanied the previous sandwiches lying broken on the ground. I can only assume that the one that fought off my attacker is the one who has been leaving them. I'll be damned if I didn't forget my thank you note that I had intended to write to them the night before.

Regardless, I won't spend another night in that car. I will have to do something today.


	8. Chapter 8

Shera's Diary

Chapter 8

Lenience

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

Dear Diary,

I've been thinking about things since this morning.

Perhaps I'm delusional, honestly losing my mind due to the circumstances that have surrounded me. It seems entirely possible, and with the theory that I came up with today, well, it may just be evidence.

I think I know who's been watching after me as it were. I know this is crazy, but out of everyone here in Rocket…

I think it's the captain.

I wish now that I'd had the nerve to open my eyes last night and see if it was him.

On the other hand, I could just be grasping at straws.

I have absolutely nothing to lose at this point. In the off chance that it is honestly Captain Highwind, or maybe someone working under his orders, I'm going to go see him. He's truly my last chance. I doubt I'm in my right mind at this point.

------------------

Dear Diary,

A strange day today.

After my earlier resolution to go face Captain Highwind, I got myself cleaned up as best I could and walked to his house. I was so nervous during the two-block walk that I had to force myself to take each step. The memory of last night's attempted assault on me kept me going, however.

I wasn't going to have to go to the indignity of knocking on his door to lure him out. While still a fair distance away, I was able to see that he was outside, working under the hood of his pickup truck out in the front yard. His back was to me, and I finally stopped about two yards behind him.

I remained silent for a moment, trying to think of what to say. After all, his last words to me had been to never be near him again. Still, I thought he was the one that had saved me the night before.

Seeming to sense that I was there, he eventually straightened up, still with his back to me. He wiped his grease-laden hands upon the jeans he presently wore, and then turned slowly, leaning back against the truck's grill. His eyes drilled right through me, but it wasn't that last look of hatred, nor surprise. I could see his jaw tense as he looked me over, his mouth taking on a familiar scowl. "What the fuck? You don't listen for shit, do ya?"

My mouth opened, but words failed me for several seconds. "S…Sir, I… I need to know…"

His left hand reached over to the truck's fender, grabbing his pack of Winstons. He lit one up and took a long drag. It was as though he liked watching me struggle. "Know what?"

"Someone has been… leaving me things in my car and… last night, I was attacked and someone saved me. I thought perhaps…" I began to question my sanity once more.

He scoffed, "What in the hell would lead you to even _think_ for a _moment_ that I would ever do shit for _you_?"

I felt like an idiot. "I didn't think there was anyone else in town that might have--"

The captain cut me off, moving away from the truck and closer, glaring down at me. "I'm the one, Shera, whose life has been torn away from 'em, no fault of my own. I lost my fuckin' job, my dream… everythin'… because YOU decided to fuck with my destiny. Don't you _ever_ delude yourself that I'd go outta my fuckin' way to help you of all people."

I never wanted to cry in front of him. His curses before the failed launch had never gotten to me. I truly felt like my last chance at any sort of salvation had just been taken away from me. It had been my own stupidity and idealism that had let me dare to think he may have been the one. Tears burned in my eyes and soon marked my cheeks, causing me to turn away. "I… I'm terribly sorry… I'll just go…"

"Where? I heard you been livin' in that piece of shit you call a car since the launch day," he clipped back.

"That's very true. Shin Ra cancelled my bank account, my credit card, and evicted me from my apartment. My own mother won't talk to me. I've… I'm just… stuck…" I hung my head, knowing that the wavering in my voice was telling him clearly that I was on the brink and already crying.

"It's supposed to freeze tonight."

I didn't respond to that at all. I wouldn't have known what to say anyway.

"If I let you go back to that damn car and you die of exposure tonight, I'll feel like I killed ya anyway and that scrubbin' the launch to save your ass was a fuckin' waste," he grumbled behind me.

Again, I didn't know what to say to him. I was so hopelessly lost at that point.

"Get your shit outta that car and bring it here. You can stay in my guestroom for a few days until you find a way to get your ass outta my town," Captain Highwind said to me, his voice still angry.

Had I any pride left in me, I would have politely refused his offer. However, my fear of being alone in that car again swept all my reservations aside. If the captain was willing to offer me anything, I would take it. I turned back to face him, offering him the first smile I think I had made since the launch. "Captain, I--"

"Don't say shit to me about it, Shera. This don't mean I like you in any, way, shape, or form. I just can't have your death on my hands. That is the ONLY reason I'm lettin' you into my house. You got me?" He crossed his arms over his chest, his now half smoked cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth.

"Yes, Sir." Once more, I smiled at him despite everything.

I hurriedly carried my boxes to the house from the car and into his spare bedroom.

I'd never been in his house before.

It's furnished very sparsely. There's a couch, chair, coffee table, and television in the family room. The walls are paneled with a dark wood. The kitchen is painted, cabinets and all, in a faint yellow, and there's a simple oak table in there, with four chairs. The hallway toward the two bedrooms is again paneled. There is the guestroom, which I am presently in. The bed is a full, and the walls are just a stark white. The bathroom is across the hall and is done in a faded out blue. As for what the captain's room looks like, I don't know. I've not been in there and the door to it is always shut.

I did take a shower after getting my things here and it was the most wonderful thing. I've been allowed to use his washer and dryer and I'm in clean clothes for the first time in far too long. I'm writing all this while sitting on the bed. I won't leave this room other than when I absolutely must.

I know the captain doesn't want to see or hear me. Just being in his house, regardless of the circumstances, makes me feel safer than I have in a long time. Maybe here, fed and sheltered, my mind will clear up and I will come up with a plan.

I don't even mind the chronic cigarette smoke in the air.

God bless this wonderful man. At least I'll be safe tonight. Even if he wasn't the one looking out for me on the streets, he is still a savior.


	9. Chapter 9

Shera's Diary

Chapter 9

Instinct

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

Dear Diary,

I feel better this morning than I have since before the launch day. There is just something about sleeping in a bed again, finally, that is divine. How I've missed being warm and comfortable.

Not to mention safe.

The captain was right. Even though it's the end of summer, it did freeze last night. Fairly well, too. I went out after I got up and went outside. There was a puddle on the ground out in back of the house from the previous night's storm and it was frozen solid. The captain has some weather monitoring equipment up and there is a display on a little monitor in the corner of the kitchen.

It had been _cold_. The display says it got down to twenty-three degrees Fahrenheit. That's minus five Celsius. I very well could have died from exposure.

I owe Captain Highwind so much.

After getting up and having that look outside, I realized that he was up already, sitting in the family room of the house, watching the morning news and having a cup of tea.

I asked him if he would like for me to make breakfast.

His eyes panned over slowly, until he brought his glare over to me. "I'm watchin' the fuckin' television right now. I eat at seven."

Since it was only six thirty, I took that as a cue that yes, he wanted breakfast. I went back to the kitchen and got to making him some waffles and bacon, since that's what happened to be on hand. I may not be a chef by any means, but I can manage to cook the basics, and after seeing what the captain has in his refrigerator, I will be so bold as to say that I'm a better cook than he appears to be.

Promptly, at seven, the captain showed up in the kitchen. I already had his plate at the table and he grunted and landed in a chair. He held up his teacup. "Refill."

Having gotten to know Captain Highwind at least a little over the months, I knew that he did enjoy a cup of tea so I went over, claimed his cup and got to the task of getting it taken care of.

I went over and placed it back on the table in front of him and then stood to the side, watching him eat. He seemed to be quite content, and several minutes went by where he didn't say a thing.

Finally, he pushed back his plate and then turned in his seat to face me. "All right, I'll admit that you might be useful. Can you make dinner, too?"

I perked up to be talked to at all, and to be offered a way to earn my keep. "Yes, Sir."

He nodded and then got up, taking a step toward me. "Get the dishes washed and I want dinner at seven. I don't care what you make, as long as it's good-- and don't go tryin' to make me eat any health food shit. I like meat and potatoes. Keep it simple. I have tea in the mornin', another cup or two around noon. I don't eat lunch, but I have more tea at four in the afternoon with somethin' small to eat. Dinner is my mainstay, seven sharp. I have a cup of coffee after dinner, and more tea at ten before I turn in. Do you think you can _possibly_ handle that or is it some insurmountable task that you would like to try and sabotage?"

With as good as I was feeling after that wonderful night's sleep, his last comment slid right off of me, like his remarks used to. If he was willing to assign me duties, I supposed he wasn't planning on tossing me out on my ear right away. Thanks to my photo/phonographic memory, his list of kitchen chores and deadlines were instantly noted in my mind.

I will do anything he so wishes. I owe him at least that much.

Just to be around him at all is wonderful. I may yet get the chance to redeem myself.

Well, it's getting close to noon so I'm going to go get the tea going for the captain. Maybe I should make him some cookies or some such for his afternoon tea break. I'll see what I can come up with.

----------------

Dear Diary,

After his noon cup of tea, which Captain Highwind accepted from me without a word, I was handed some money and a shopping list. I took that as a hint that I was to go to the store and get what he wanted. I managed to complete the task without much hassle.

The cashier at the store looked at me strangely. "How in the world are you going to use any of this in that car of yours?"

Her snarky tone passed right through me. I'd dealt with worse. "I am not in my car anymore."

She rolled her eyes at me. "Oh, right, so _where_ are you staying then?"

I couldn't help but smile as I took my receipt and change from her, before picking up the grocery bags. "I am staying with Captain Highwind."

I heard her audibly gasp as I walked away.

Let the gossipy, catty women of the town chew on that for a while.

-----------------

Dear Diary,

Even now, I still cause the poor captain nothing but trouble. I've been here fewer than twenty-four hours and already, he's taking flack for his mercy on me.

I was in the kitchen, having decided to go ahead and make some cookies for his four o'clock tea when I heard a knock at the door.

The captain cursed something to himself in the other room and I heard him get up and answer the door. I dared to look around the corner from within the kitchen to try and see who it might be. With Captain Highwind standing in the doorway, I couldn't see right away, I just heard a voice.

"That bitch is _living_ here?"

"I don't rightly see what business that is of yours, Stephenson," the captain replied, crossing his arms over his chest.

Stephenson. My blood ran cold at the name. He was one of the electrical contractors working on the rocket. He has quite a reputation for being a womanizer and very abusive. I had avoided the man during work on the project, as all the women told me to give him a wide berth.

He didn't seem to agree with Captain Highwind's words. "She cost this town the space program and me the biggest contract I've ever had! I'd say it's plenty of my business! Now, you get that little whore out here because I have a few things to say to her."

I felt my knees go weak, and I didn't dare move from where I was peeking around the corner, not wanting this man to see me. I prayed that Captain Highwind wouldn't call me over.

The captain changed the way he was standing and placed a hand on either side of the doorframe. "You lost your fuckin' job… so what? We all lost our fuckin' jobs. She knows what she did, ain't no reason to beat her for it."

Now, here's what struck me the most in that moment. Captain Highwind, for all of his rough exterior, is not an extraordinarily tall man. In fact, he's honestly rather short compared to most other males. In his combat boots that he wears, he's maybe five foot ten. Stephenson, on the other hand is six four, and probably pushing two hundred and eighty pounds. He is very physically intimidating and is known to be quite a fighter.

Still, the captain didn't seem fazed in the least. He just kept his grip on the doorframe, looking up at the other man.

"I said for you to get her out here now!" Stephenson growled, getting right in the captain's face.

I half expected at that moment for Captain Highwind to haul off and deck Stephenson since he did, admittedly, have an explosive temper. As I've come to learn, though, Captain Highwind doesn't do what one would expect on a fairly frequent basis.

No, he just maintained his position, looking up at Stephenson. "Here's what y'all are gonna do. You're gonna get offa my property and get your ass in your truck. I want you to drive over to Gregory's house and have a little fuckin' tea time with him. You have a good look at his ugly ass and see what happens when guys in this town try to lay their hands on a woman. If you still need further clarification after that, feel free to come on back. You got me?"

Stephenson continued to loom over the captain for a moment, and I wondered what he was going to do. I feared that he would strike the captain, but he didn't. Instead, he just growled loudly and then walked away. I heard his truck start up and drive off shortly thereafter.

Only then did Captain Highwind let go of the doorframe and turn back after closing the door. He instantly saw me peering around the corner. "The damn cookies are burnin', Shera."

He was right! I turned around and got back to the task at hand, trying to calm my nerves after what had just transpired.

I got the table set for his tea and put down the plate of cookies. Right on time, he came and sat at the table, taking up his teacup and drinking. I dared to sit down as well, facing him, but he didn't look at me.

The tension in the air got the better of me and I dared to speak. "Captain… I was afraid Stephenson was going to hit you there for a moment."

Captain Highwind set his cup down and leaned forward on the table. "I weren't in no damn danger there, Shera. His kind ain't a threat to me."

I cocked my head to the side, awaiting his insight.

Those heavenly blue eyes of his narrowed as he looked at me. "Thing is… that kinda guy, sure, he's a big mother fucker, and acts like a real bad ass but… He's the kinda guy that's beat on women his whole life. Which, of course, he can physically get away with because he's just so much bigger'n 'em. Thing is, the women that fall victim to that kinda shit usually are submissive, and all the men he's ever fought have been drunk. Well, I ain't some little submissive bitch and I'm sober as all hell at the moment. I ain't afraid of his little act in the least. Confronted with that, he didn't know what to fuckin' do so he just walked off. He's a Goddamned loser."

"Well, I appreciate that you defended me like that," I said quietly, looking away.

"I did it because it was the right fuckin' thing to do, not because I feel any sorta obligation to you, so don't go readin' shit into it." He reached over and grabbed a cookie.

"Captain… Gregory… is… is that the name of the man that tried to attack me last night?" I dared to ask. I know he denied being involved yesterday, but I think I know better now.

With that, he got up and walked out of the kitchen, not giving me any answer, but taking the plate of cookies with him.

I honestly don't care what his motivation was. He spared me that man's wrath.

Needless to say, some thing inside me had been touched by what he had done. I know it seems insane in light of the way things are but somehow, I can't shake the feeling I have that…

He's the one. He's the one I'm meant to be with. I may be out of my mind but I think… I think this is why fate brought me here. Maybe it wasn't about the rocket at all. Maybe fate did have another plan for me.

Despite it all, I think that fate includes Captain Cid Highwind.


	10. Chapter 10

Shera's Diary

Chapter 10

Upswing

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

Dear Diary,

I literally feel sick to my stomach. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight and I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

I did as the captain desired today, serving all of his meals and drinks up promptly and seemingly to his approval. He even told me, in his own way, that dinner was good. Thank heavens he likes pot roast.

After his last cup of tea, just a little before eleven, he got up from his chair and walked back to his bedroom and shut the door. I, too, retreated to my room to grab my nightshirt before going into the bathroom to take a shower.

Once that was done with, I stepped out of the bathroom and into the hallway. The captain opened the door to his bedroom and stepped out at the same time. He seemed a little surprised to see me and froze for a moment.

He was in a pair of pajama pants but was shirtless.

I'm just going to go ahead and say something, here. I've always imagined that he had a wonderful body, but to see it for the first time took my breath away. He is so well muscled, you would think he spent hours everyday working out, but he doesn't. No, his physique comes strictly from his hands on work. He is simply amazing.

That's not what got to me, though. As he stood there, his eyes went a little wide, as though he was not well for me seeing him. Not because he was shirtless, but rather, because…

I think he didn't want me to know of the injury he had across his chest.

Despite my better judgement, I gasped and took a step closer when I saw the gash that ran for a good thirteen inches or so, just below his collarbones. The wound seemed relatively fresh and he slowly followed my gaze down to the cut before looking back up at me again.

I knew right then and there that yes, without a doubt, he had been the one that had fought off Gregory night before last.

And, as I will never forget, Gregory had wielded a knife. A knife that, so it would seem, he managed to injure Captain Highwind with.

"Good Lord, Captain!" I'd said, sickened at the sight of such a gash. It looked to my untrained eye like something that seriously needed medical attention, including sutures. "He cut you, didn't he?"

The captain's initially stunned air immediately dissipated, and he scowled, then brushing past me and going down the hall toward the kitchen. "Mind your fuckin' business and get your ass in bed. I cut myself machinin' a part out in the shop."

Hurt in the shop? No, sorry, I don't think so.

Well, here I sit, unable to sleep. That cut has to hurt terribly and yet, not once today nor yesterday did he ever wince or act as though anything was awry at all. He's not only suffered emotionally and mentally because of me, but now I know his blood has been spilled.

Why has he done all this for me? He said earlier that it was just his sense of right and wrong, but getting me out of the town with a bus ticket surely would have been easier for him. Maybe it would just be best if I simply started walking tomorrow and got out of this town, freeing the captain of whatever obligation he feels over me. He doesn't owe me any of this.

I've put him in harm's way. God in heaven, I've caused the man I love to be hurt…

--------------

Dear Diary,

I had his cup of tea ready when he walked out of his room at six fifteen this morning. I served the captain an omelet and sausage for breakfast at seven. I sat across from him as he ate, having my own breakfast, keeping my eyes upon him. I have so many questions on my mind, but I didn't dare ask since I know that he will either tell me to shut up or just walk away.

When he finished eating, he told me it was pretty good, but that he liked his omelets with more cheese and no onions. I will remember this, of course.

He left the house a few hours ago, and I think he will miss his noon cup of tea. I'll have the kettle on the stove in the event he does come back in time. I wonder what he's doing, but it isn't my place to ask.

I wonder if the captain likes lemon pie?

---------------

Dear Diary,

It's been a few days since I've written anything. That's because it's just been fairly mundane this last week. I've tended to the captain's dining needs, and I've started cleaning around the house here and there. Captain Highwind hasn't said much to me, just telling me what he wanted me to do here or there, or ways in particular that he'd like me to tweak my cooking to suit him.

Today was a little different, though. At his four o'clock tea, he told me to sit down at the table with him.

I sat and watched as he devoured the last piece of the lemon pie that I'd made a few days ago. When he finished, he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. "All right, here's the thing. I've put an ad out that I'm opening a charter flight business, and it breaks in the paper today. Obviously, when I have to go out and work on the plane, or fly someone somewhere, I can't be in the house answerin' the phone and bookin' reservations."

I nodded, thinking that I knew what he was going to say. I supposed that he was going to tell me that he was hiring someone to work as his booking agent and that I needed to keep out of their way during the day.

The captain picked up his teacup, finished its contents, and then reached over, grabbing a ledger book that was lying on the table, before tossing it down in front of me. "I know it ain't as glorious as rocket science, but you can still find plenty of ways to fuck this up, I'm sure."

"You… you want me to work for you?" I asked, more than a little surprised.

"Shera, you really are kinda slow between the ears, ain't ya?" he shot back, raising an eyebrow in response. "I need a bookin' agent, and your ass is here. Sorta makes sense, don't it?"

Indeed, it did and the fact he would include me in this new business venture flattered me deeply. "Yes, Sir."

He nodded and dropped his gaze away from me. "Now, it's gonna take about forty percent of the gross to keep that plane fueled and runnin'. Taxes are gonna take another fifteen. That leaves forty five percent of the gross to go to my pocket. I'm gonna give you a salary of a third of that profit."

That he was going to pay me anything seemed absurd and I couldn't help but try to voice my protest. "But Captain, I--"

He frowned and raised a hand to silence me. "I know, it ain't gonna be much compared to what y'all made as an engineer, but it's the best I can do for now. I mean, I'll still cover all the utilities and the house payment, so I figure it'll be enough for you to get all that girly shit you need and save a little on the side until ya can get back on your feet."

I smiled. Not from what he had said, but the tone in which he had said it. This was what I thought I was never going to see from him again. It was his quieter voice, which he'd used during those few, precious, private moments between the two of us. Still, I felt the need to clarify what I was going to say. "No, Captain, it isn't that. I feel I owe you enough that I shouldn't be paid at all."

His head shook and he dropped his gaze to the table before him. "Miss Shera… you ain't my indentured servant, ya know. You're gonna need a little pocket money now and then."

"I can work for you during the day for free and then get a job in the evening to pay my way," I replied, my smile not faltering.

The captain leaned forward in his seat, his eyes narrowing at me once more. "You know damn good and well ain't no one gonna hire your ass after this. Shin Ra has had you blacklisted, sure as anythin'. At the very least, it's gonna be months before the media flap over this shit dies down and you'll even have a chance at gettin' a job."

He was right. Absolutely, horribly right. All my years of education had gone down the drain with that rocket failure. I would most likely never work in the engineering field ever again, since all that was dominated by the company. "Do… you think that what I will be paid will be enough for me to get a place?"

A frown played across his lips. "It might be, but it's a cold chance in Hell that you'll find anyone who's gonna rent to you, I'd reckon. I don't mind for you to stay here as long as ya need."

I couldn't help myself. "Captain Highwind, you've been far, far too kind. I don't deserve any of this."

In a heartbeat, he was back to his more common self. "It's just a matter of convenience. You need a job, I need an employee. Don't try to read shit into this, Shera."

At that, all I could do was smile and nod. "Of course, Captain."

He got up from the table and went over to the kitchen counter, picking up a few notebooks, which he then brought over and dropped onto the table with a loud thud. "I've figured out my charges for different flight destinations and there's a list of the days I'm willin' to fly. You better learn that shit and fast, because the next time that phone over there rings, you're on the clock."

I offered him another smile. "I will do what's needed, Sir. I won't let you down."

He rolled his eyes and huffed, turning around and walking out of the kitchen. "Like I ain't heard _that_ one from ya before…"

Shortly thereafter, a knock came to the door. I immediately felt a tightness in my chest and closed my eyes, dreading who it would be. Steeling myself, I peered around the corner when the captain answered.

I couldn't hear what was said, but I saw the captain reach back and pull out his wallet. He took out several bills and handed them over to the man at the door, then signing some sort of paper on a clipboard.

Afterward, the door was shut and Captain Highwind turned around, looking over at me. He seemed to know that I'd watched, but not a word was said before he went over and sat in his chair, flipping on the television.

My curiosity got the better of me and I went over to the window and looked out to see who it might have been. To my surprise, there was a tow truck out front, lowering my poor, vandalized car onto the driveway.

I spun around and faced the captain. "Sir!"

He seemed focused on whatever he was watching already and waved a hand at me. "I'm watchin' the fuckin' television, Goddamnit! Don't bug me!"

God bless him.

The phone did begin to ring before too long, and several flight reservations were made. Things are looking up.


	11. Chapter 11

Shera's Diary

Chapter 11

Temper

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

Dear Diary,

Things here have settled into a routine. A wonderful, regular routine.

The captain flies on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. He also flies on every third Saturday. He takes every fourth week off completely. The days that he doesn't fly, he devotes to maintenance on his plane. I keep him well fed, and he seems content for the most part.

I still sense, though, that deep down, he's lonely.

I've been able to appreciate after living here for a time, that people don't come to him on a social basis. No, the only time the phone rings after business hours, or a knock comes to the door, is when someone needs something.

It's usually nothing big. Advice on fixing an engine, fishing for news on the rocket that stands close to the house, leaning ever further.

At the end of the day, the man has no friends. Long ago, I realized this in a way, with how he's just thought of differently than other people. Although he will never admit it, I can see that loneliness in his eyes.

He was right all those months ago when he told me I was the only one who treated him like a friend.

I still do, and in those occasional moments when he drops his guard and really speaks to me, I can see that I'm the only one he ever treats that way at all.

Although he clearly still resents the events of the aborted launch, and makes a habit of letting me know it, down deep, there really is some sort of bond between us. I know it's not just all one way.

My cooking is getting better, I think. I've picked up a few cookbooks with the money I'm earning and I've started trying new things. It's a lot like the chemistry courses I took back in college, in a way. Honestly? I rather enjoy it.

The captain has put on a little bit of weight, but he's still gorgeous. I think I need to lighten up the deserts just a little.

-----------------

Dear Diary,

What a day.

Being Wednesday, it was bank run day, when the captain goes and puts the week's take into the business account. Generally, he heads out alone, but today he actually took the initiative to ask me if I wished to go.

Of course, I jumped at the opportunity.

Since he carries a significant amount of cash on bank day, he drives his truck the short distance to the bank rather than walking as he normally would. Hence, we got into the pickup and he drove us there.

That, in itself, was unremarkable. The captain drives in his own style. Stop signs seem to be merely a suggestion to him, and he is quite verbal regarding his opinions on other drivers' habits. Nonetheless, we survived the trip there.

Into the bank we went. Captain Highwind made the deposit and then handed me my percentage of the earnings. Business has been very good and what I was given today was more than I had ever gotten from him.

I am so grateful for it. I've managed to save up quite a bit already.

That done, we walked the short distance to the town square, leaving the truck in the bank's parking lot. It was midday, so it was quite crowded, but the captain wanted to have a look in the electronics store there, so we walked.

Then, all Hell broke loose.

"Hey!" we heard someone shout at us.

We both turned to see Stephenson and Gregory together, standing out in front of the bar, clearly intoxicated.

Captain Highwind turned back around and started walking, grabbing my arm and pulling me along with him. "Let's keep goin'."

"I said hey!" Stephenson called out again.

The captain walked a little faster, keeping his grip on my arm, determined for us to avoid a conflict.

"You stop right there, you fuckin' inbred, backwoods retard!"

Captain Highwind stopped instantly, his entire body tensing up and his jaw setting firmly. He didn't turn back to face them right away, but I looked and saw his eyes narrow and his lips draw back slightly.

This was not something I'd seen from him, ever. I grew concerned, since I knew that Stephenson and Gregory were now walking through the crowd toward us. "Captain?"

In a low growl, that only I could have heard, he spoke. "Shera… head back to the truck."

I was mortified. "I'm not going to leave you here! Captain! There's two of them! Please…"

His hand dropped away from my arm. "That's an order, Goddamnit."

My heart pounding in my ears, I took a few steps away, but I wasn't willing to head blindly back to the truck without him.

"You look at me when I'm talkin' to you!" Stephenson said, now just a short distance behind the captain. "Me and Gregory were wondering why you've made that bitch your live in whore?"

Captain Highwind snorted and then turned around slowly to face the two, considerably larger, men. "The fuck you say to me, boy?"

"You heard me…" Stephenson leered at him, "is she a good enough fuck to make you forget what she did to you and your dreams?"

Even from where I stood, I could see the captain's left hand clench into a fist and one of his eyes twitch. "I think you best walk away right now, Stephenson…"

"Or what? I've never seen you fight anyone." Gregory chimed in, standing somewhat behind his cohort. "You've gotten away with a lot because you're some fucking big time celebrity, but that doesn't mean shit to us!"

"Oh really?" Captain Highwind said back simply, one of his eyebrows quirking. "You don't think I can hold my own against two drunk fucks like y'all?"

Stephenson stepped right up to the captain and glowered down at him, their six-inch height difference painfully obvious. He then made the biggest mistake of his life. "What do you think you're gonna do about it, _little_ man?"

There was instantly a dense crowd of onlookers as everyone awaited the inevitable fight.

Something that almost resembled an actual smile crossed the captain's lips at that moment. He drew back his left arm and then let fly with an uppercut right into Stephenson's chin, sending him reeling back and crashing to the ground.

At that point, Gregory charged forward blindly, swinging madly at the captain. He never lost his cool, however, and was able to catch Gregory's fist within his right hand, then twisting his attacker's arm back behind his body.

I will never forget the sound that was made as Gregory's shoulder was snapped from the socket. Needless to say, Gregory fell to the ground at that point, writhing in pain.

Stephenson had managed back to his feet and charged the captain again. He swung out and managed to connect with the left side of Captain Highwind's face.

I yelped when he was struck, but the captain didn't waver in the least, leaving Stephenson a little confused.

That gave the captain the chance to pull back with his left arm once again, then clocking Stephenson between his right ear and jaw.

What they say about the big ones falling hard is entirely true, and Stephenson's unconscious body hit the sidewalk with a resounding thud.

Captain Highwind stood there, breathing hard, glaring down at his two fallen antagonists for several moments, apparently wanting to make sure that they stayed down. Getting himself back in check, he wiped the thin trail of blood that had appeared at the corner of his mouth away, before scanning the crowd that now stood in deathly silence around him.

Something in Captain Highwind had snapped. "All right you fucks, you listen up and y'all listen good…"

You could have cut the tension of the crowd with a knife. They knew that their collective numbers were up.

"Shera… c'mere…" he hissed out, knowing that I'd never actually left.

The crowd parted instantly before me and I went to the captain's side.

"If one more person in this fuckin' town, so much as _looks_ at this woman the wrong way, I'll fuckin' kill ya! I've had it! Out of everyone here, _I_ lost the most! You don't see me threatenin' her… and I won't, I utterly will _NOT_ tolerate _ANY_ of y'all doin' it, either! From now on, shit in this town is gonna change. Most y'all that are here moved here for the project. I've lived here my whole life. This is MY fuckin' town! From now on? I'm in charge. If anyone's gotta problem with that, we can go at it right here and now, because I've had enough. Any of you fuckers disagree?"

I stood there next to him, shaking in my anxiety, dreading the sound of any protests, but none came.

Not a one.

Captain Highwind scanned the crowd, taking inventory of everyone present. "Go back to your miserable fuckin' lives and the next time you see this woman here, you tip your fuckin' hat and wish her a _lovely_ mother fuckin' day."

I could honestly see a few of the people present nod at his words.

Captain Highwind turned to me for a moment. "I think I've made myself clear. We're goin' home."

He started to march toward the truck, the crowd dispersing in his path. I followed him closely, seeing that those around had their eyes averted to the ground.

With that one speech, he'd made an entire town feel ashamed.

We rode home in silence and once back at the house, I immediately got him a cup of tea and a few of the brownies that I'd made this morning.

I sat across from him and smiled. I had never seen someone stand up to others like that in all my life.

…and it had been on my behalf.

He seemed to sense what was on my mind, and in a quiet voice, he made a simple statement. "I only did it because it had to be done, that's all."

I simply changed the subject and asked him what he would like for dinner.

He has requested lasagna.


	12. Chapter 12

Shera's Diary

Chapter 12

Revelation

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

(All references to the name "Cid" by Eden in this chapter refer to Captain Highwind's father, not Captain Highwind. Just trying to avoid any confusion.)

Dear Diary,

It just hit me that I haven't written anything in here for a long while. In fact, judging from my last entry, it's actually been a few months.

We've just been so busy with the business. The captain is always flying or working on the plane, and the phone is ringing constantly with people wanting to make reservations or confirm their flights. When I'm not doing that, taking care of the house, or tending to Captain Highwind, I have to make snacks for the passengers on the flights, since it was a request made often during the first few weeks of service.

Things in town have changed like night and day since the captain's fight with Gregory and Stephenson. Just a day after that, the mail carrier had told me that the two men had packed up their things and left town that night.

For me, that was a huge relief, and the captain seemed pleased in his own way when I told him. They were just too dangerous to have around. I'm sure we weren't the only ones that were happy to see them go.

Furthermore, I can walk to the store and back without any trouble at all. I'm no longer scoffed at or scorned. People have become outright friendly to me. Again, thanks to Captain Highwind's influence.

The town honestly took his words seriously. They do, now, seem to look up to him as some sort of leader, which, admittedly, this town had been lacking. Like a pack of wild dogs, in a way, hungry for someone to be the Alpha.

People come by to ask him things quite frequently and he gives his input, despite how busy he is. I can't help but admire how much the captain is honestly able to balance.

Well, that's about all that I've got to report for now.

That's not entirely true.

There is one other small thing that's caught my attention.

Since we became extremely busy with the charter business, and the captain has to be gone overnight now, often at least once a week, his grooming habits have changed a bit.

Until a few weeks ago, he was always clean-shaven, and kept his hair in a typical military cut. Now, left to his own devices, he's let that all go a little.

Well, a lot, actually.

He only shaves about once a week now and his hair has grown out a bit and tends to usually look a little windblown.

I'm not complaining. Honestly? I think it suits him very well and…

He's simply amazing.

-----------------

Dear Diary,

Merry Christmas.

It's a white one, too. There was a good four inches of snow on the ground this morning when I woke up.

When the captain emerged from his room, I gave him a cup of tea and we went out into the family room. I didn't expect that he'd gotten me anything at all, but I had come up with a small token of my appreciation for him.

I pulled out a box from behind the couch and handed it to him. He turned his eyes up to me as he took it, looking a little confused.

"Go on, open it!" I said, sitting on the floor before his chair.

He nodded and tore off the paper, letting it fall to the ground. The captain glanced up at me briefly before opening the box. "Holy shit, Shera…"

I couldn't help but smile to myself as his expression changed to one of pleasant surprise. You see, over the past several weeks, he's been complaining about the radio unit in the plane not functioning properly. He hasn't had the time to get a new one, so I had taken it upon myself to go ahead and pick one up. "Is it what you wanted?"

Captain Highwind nodded and looked up at me, a smile playing upon his lips. "It's exactly what I wanted, Shera. I know this thing cost ya a small fortune, though…"

It hadn't been cheap, but well worth it after seeing the captain's reaction. It was a small bit selfish on my part to get it, too, since he now would have no excuse to not contact me during his longer flights. "It was nothing, Sir."

Once more he nodded and then set the box down on the floor. I watched as he got up and left the room for a moment. He returned a few minutes later and handed me something.

I looked at the box, seeing that he had clearly wrapped it himself. I recognized the blue paper from what was in the hall closet and there was tape every direction on it. Bless his heart, he'd tried, anyway. "Captain… you shouldn't have…"

"Just open the damn thing already," he grunted, landing back into his chair and leaning forward to watch me.

I got to the task and started to unwrap it carefully, peeling away the tape.

This seemed to annoy the captain on some level and he waved a hand at me. "Just tear the fuckin' paper, Shera."

I couldn't help but laugh and I did as told. It was a laptop computer, and I gasped. "Dear God, Captain!"

He frowned and shook his head. "It's for the business, that's all. I figured it would be easier for y'all to do the bookin' and all that on a computer rather than them ledger books."

Whatever his intentions for the gift, it was well appreciated. This would be a lot nicer than keeping the records all by hand. I was incredibly grateful and I, without really thinking about it, got to my knees and leaned into the captain, putting my arms around him in an embrace.

His arms closed around me in return, and I was instantly engulfed in the smell of cigarettes that always surrounds him. It was one of the most wonderful moments…

We pulled away from one another slightly after a few seconds, but still had our arms around each other. I found myself looking right into his eyes and suddenly realized what a compromising position I'd just put us in.

Other than the one embrace we'd had the night before the launch, we'd never really had any physical contact so to speak.

He swallowed hard and his eyes reflected something like uncertainty. There was instantly color on his cheeks. I froze, not knowing what to do.

I saw his eyes leave mine and look toward my mouth for a moment, before coming back up again. "Thanks, Miss Shera…"

"…and thank you, Captain…" I managed to whisper back.

Captain Highwind produced a faint, lopsided smile and then pulled his arms back, squeezing my shoulders lightly before letting them fall away from me. "Don't mention it."

I got back up, my heart still racing. "Yes, Sir. I'll get breakfast going."

"Sounds like a plan," he said back, picking the box with the radio back up and looking at it some more.

I know it's a silly fantasy, but part of me wonders if he had thought of kissing me in that moment. I guess I'll never know.

-----------------

Dear Diary,

I've wondered, now and then, what the captain's childhood must have been like and today, I got some insight into it.

Today was one of the Saturdays he wasn't out flying. I had just set the table for the captain's four o'clock tea when I heard a knock at the door. I went to answer, since the captain was in the bathroom washing up.

When I opened the door, I was at once terribly confused. I found myself staring at Captain Highwind, except with snow-white hair and a face that reflected an age of over sixty-five. "M…may I help you?"

The older version of the captain glowered at me, remaining silent. An older woman, who was to his left, stepped in front of him slightly, offering me a smile. "I'm terribly sorry, we should have called first. Is Junior around?"

God in heaven, I had no idea that the captain's parents were still alive. This had to be them… well, this man was surely his father if nothing else.

I stepped to the side and motioned for them to enter. "Oh, yes, please, come in. He'll be out in just a moment."

The old man still said nothing and strode in past me, followed by the woman. They stood there in the center of the family room, and I remained by the door, not sure of what I should do.

A few moments later, the captain emerged from the bathroom. I heard him walking down the hall, and he called out loudly as he approached. "Shera! There's no Goddamned soap left in the guest ba--"

He stopped dead in his tracks and fell silent when he saw our guests. The captain's entire body became rigid and he straightened up to his full height. "Momma… A….Admiral…"

I've never seen the captain look so horrendously uncomfortable. It didn't go by without my notice that he had called his father Admiral instead of Dad or anything else.

Finally, the older man spoke. "Is this how you treat your guests? You just stand there like a deer in fuckin' headlights?"

An observation, if I may. If the captain has a tendency to sound cold, to be downright biting with his tone, his father's voice cuts right to the bone.

The captain looked over to me. "Tea."

I nodded and went straight into the kitchen, putting the kettle on. The three of them soon followed and sat around the table. I placed cups before everyone and got them filled, then pulling out a plate of cookies from the counter and bringing it to the table before sitting down as well.

The captain looked at me. "Miss Shera, this is my mother, Eden, and my father, Admiral Highwind."

I offered up my most polite smile. "It's nice to meet the two of you."

The admiral didn't even look at me, but his mother smiled back. "Well, it's nice to meet you, too, Miss Shera."

I felt horribly out of place.

The admiral turned his vicious gaze over to the captain. "She's the one that botched your launch, ain't she?"

The captain flashed me a look, before dropping his gaze to the cup before him. "Yes, Sir."

Captain Highwind was clearly not himself in front of this man and I was feeling a knot forming in my stomach.

His father took a sip of his tea, looking at me briefly. "So what in the hell is she doing here?"

"She works for me," he replied back quietly.

"Well, send her home. This is a family meeting," the admiral growled.

I moved to get up, but felt the captain place his hand on my knee under the table, making me stay.

The captain looked at his father. "This is her home, Sir."

Then something interesting happened.

Admiral Highwind raised a hand abruptly and the captain cowered.

He cowered like a dog that's been hit before does when someone moves too quickly toward it. I wanted to honestly cry. This was not a side of the captain that I had ever been aware of.

The admiral's hand slammed down onto the table top, causing everything to rattle. "What the fuck? You let your launch get blown, and now you're gonna tell me y'all are livin' in sin with the bitch that ruined your life?"

With that, his mother stood up, taking her teacup into her hand. "Miss Shera, perhaps we should retire to the other room and let the men talk."

As reluctant as I was to leave the captain at the moment, I felt his hand leave my leg and I knew that he was indicating that I needed to go with her. I took my cup and retreated into the family room with her.

I sat on the couch, cradling my cup in my hands and Mrs. Highwind sat in the chair opposite to me. I could hear the admiral's voice continue to berate the captain, and the captain's occasional meek replies.

"So, you're living here?" she asked me, a smile upon her lips.

"I am, but the captain and I, we aren't involved. I have my own room, Mrs. Highwind," I said back, looking back toward the kitchen, my heart aching for whatever the captain was undergoing.

She followed my gaze for a moment and her smile faltered for just a moment. "Please, call me Eden."

I simply nodded, swirling my tea in its cup.

Eden got up from her chair and came to sit with me on the couch. "Shera, please don't be so tense."

I looked over at her. "I'm sorry, it's just… the captain seems…"

She set her cup down onto the coffee table and looked straight at me. "I know. Junior and Cid don't have the… easiest relationship."

"Junior? That's what you call the captain?" I asked, trying to relax a little.

"Yes, that's correct. My husband's name is Admiral Cid Augustus Highwind, and our son is Captain Cid Augustus Highwind, Junior." Her smile returned.

"Oh…" I tried to make conversation. "So, he's an admiral? Was he in the Air Force?"

Disregarding my question, she spoke, "Shera, can I ask you something?"

I simply nodded.

"I may have just met you, but with the way that you looked at my son, can I safely assume that you love him?"

My heart jumped into my throat. Am I truly that easy to read? Feeling that she had me pegged, I went ahead and made my confession. "Yes, I do, very, very much."

Her smile grew. "Then… I'm going to tell you some things, so that you can understand Junior better, because I know there are things he will never tell you."

I nodded, eager for any information about the captain. He never had mentioned anything of his childhood. "I would be very appreciative of that."

"It started when I was working as a waitress at a diner in Junon. There was a young airman that started coming in, having just joined the Air Force. Right away, I was taken with him." She looked up toward the ceiling, a smile playing across her lips. "He was such a beautiful young man, Shera… Strawberry blonde, ice blue eyes… I was smitten right away. He made a habit of coming in everyday and although he was a little off standish at first, he eventually warmed up to me and we started talking, seeing one another outside of the diner. Within a few months, he got orders that he was being transferred to Rocket and he proposed to me. The very next day, I found myself as Mrs. Cid Highwind."

I couldn't help but smile. It was clear that these memories were of her best times.

"In any event, we moved to Rocket. At the time, this town was used as a launch station for Shin Ra's small rockets, which were strictly used to put satellites into orbit. That's how the town had been named, since it had started as just a military establishment. Well, sometime after, there was a conflict that broke out between Wutai and Shin Ra. Now, Cid had already been promoted to Captain by then and he was deployed. My heart ached, but I knew that this was one of the risks of marrying a military man, and I accepted it, knowing the best I could do was to keep the home fires burning." She took a drink of her tea before continuing. "Two weeks after he had left, I discovered that I was pregnant. I called him and he was so happy… He took leave as often as he could to be with me during that time, and at the end of my pregnancy, he managed to get an entire month off so that he was there when I gave birth. When the doctor announced that I'd had a son… You have never seen a man more proud. He was overjoyed. It was the only time I've ever seen that man cry in the thirty two years we've been married."

I nodded. This didn't sound like the man currently sitting in the kitchen yelling at the captain at all. "I see…"

"He went back to his station, leaving me alone, although he called twice a day. Just a few weeks after Junior was born, I got a phone call… It was Cid's commanding officer. He told me that my husband's airship had gone down and that he was missing, presumed dead." Her eyes closed for a moment, and her shoulders slumped.

"Dear God… I can't imagine…" I whispered.

"It was the worst moment of my life, Shera. If it hadn't been for that baby boy I had, I wouldn't have been able to go on. That little boy was my life, though, so I did what I had to do. Five years after that call, there came a knock to the door. I answered and thought I was looking at a ghost. It was Cid… He'd been found in a prison in Wutai and rescued just a few days before. He was little more than a skeleton and…" Eden had to stop to wipe her eyes.

I felt a burn in my own, and a lump in my throat.

Her eyes then came up to meet my own. "He wasn't the same. Whatever he went through in those five years, I've never been told. He was changed, though. There was a shell around him after that, one I was never able to break through again. Even though Junior was only five years old, his father talked to him like he was soldier, barking orders. He… Cid… he took a desk job back here in Rocket and was eventually promoted to Admiral."

I looked down into my then cold tea. "I'm so sorry…"

Her voice became almost a whisper as she went on. Clearly, she didn't want her husband to hear. "Years went by, and I hoped, I had truly hoped, Shera, that Cid would turn back into the man he'd once been, but he didn't. It got nothing but worse as he aged, though and when Junior was only twelve years old, Cid became violent. He started breaking things in his fits of anger and then he turned on me and Junior."

I had to ask the obvious. "Why didn't you leave him?"

"Shera… he was an Admiral for Shin Ra. If I'd tried, I would have lost custody of my son and, like an idiot… I still hoped he would change…" She lowered her gaze in shame.

I didn't know what to say.

"All I could do was put myself between Cid and Junior when he would go into his rages, trying to spare my son. The physical violence went on ... It wasn't constant… maybe once every three months or so but…" she paused and shook her head. "I just kept hoping he was going to get better."

I nodded.

"By then, Junior was fifteen. He signed up for the Air Force, lying about his age and left home." More tears marked her cheeks. "At that point, my husband started having seizures and he was taken to the hospital. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor… They operated and his life was saved, and it turned out to be benign, but it had damaged the part of his brain that controlled his behavior. All this time everyone had thought he was just suffering from post traumatic stress, when honestly, there had been something growing in his head…"

I reached over and touched her hand. "How awful…"

She looked at me again. "Junior… Shera… He's grown up without much faith in the world or people at all. He never really had any friends as a boy, and I know to this day he still keeps himself distant. Despite my best hopes, he has that same shell his father had when I met him. Before Cid disappeared, when we were first in love, when I first got through to him, I knew that I was the only one that had ever managed. The man that was inside had loved me more than anyone on the planet ever could have. If you've gotten through to my son, like I once had with his father, understand that he loves you. I know my son, when he's not around his father is a hard man in his own right, but…"

I think I understood what she was saying. "Your son can be very difficult, Eden. He can also be incredibly gentle and understanding, though, too. He's… he's saved my life, he picked me up off the street despite what happened with the launch… He's stood up to this entire town on my behalf."

"Because he loves you, Shera. It may take him a long time to come around and admit that, but I promise you that if you stick with him, it will be worth it." She offered me a smile.

"I will be here with him for as long as he will have me," I replied, my heart touched to hear these things.

"Then, be ready for one hell of a ride. I can only imagine how wonderful it would have been had his father, Cid, not had is mind ripped apart. It takes a special kind of woman-- Highwind men are difficult by nature, I think, but if you have the kind of personality that can tough it out through his rougher moments, I think you may just end up a very happy woman."

I smiled at her. I knew what she meant completely.

At that moment, the admiral walked in from the kitchen. "It's time to go."

Both Eden and I stood up, and she walked to her husband's side. The captain emerged from the kitchen and looked over at me and then his parents.

The captain's mother looked over to him. "Junior, Miss Shera certainly is a nice girl."

"She surely is," he said quietly, keeping his eyes trained on Eden.

"Well, we will see the two of you later," she said, starting for the door and opening it.

I threw caution to the wind and walked right up to the admiral. I offered him a smile. "It was good to meet you, Sir."

He looked down at me, his eyes so much like his son's. The fact that I was seemingly unrattled maybe confusing him. "Good day, ma'am."

I smiled once more as he retreated after Eden, closing the door behind him. My gaze turned to Captain Highwind, and his to me. "Are you all right?"

He nodded slightly, seeming to relax now that his father was gone. "Yeah. What'd Momma talk to ya about?"

I loved that such a hard man as the captain, at nearly thirty years of age still called his mother 'Momma'. I debated on whether or not to tell him what his mother had said, and remained silent for a moment.

"Well?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

I walked over and looked up at him. "Captain, she told me everything."

The color blanched from his face and I wondered if I'd made a horrible mistake in telling him the truth. "She did?"

"Yes," I replied simply.

"I…" he sighed, letting his arms move back to his sides.

"You're afraid of turning into your father on some level, aren't you?"

The captain's eyes dropped away from mine. "I ain't like him…"

It was another moment with the inner Captain and I grabbed onto it for all I was worth. "No, you're not, not like how he turned out to be, anyway."

His blue eyes panned up to mine once more, and an eyebrow quirked.

"But from what your mother said about your father, before… what happened to him happened, I think you are. She said he was the most wonderful thing in the world back then, and I think you are now." I dared to raise my hand and place it on his shoulder.

The captain closed his eyes for a moment, and then reached up and across his chest, to lay his hand upon mine. "Shera…"

I smiled and got to my tiptoes, placing a light kiss on the captain's cheek and then walked back to the kitchen. "I know, she and your father were involved, and we're not. I'm only here for convenience, right?"

I could hear him catch some words in his throat and I knew that he turned to watch me walk away.

Something inside me felt incredibly good in that moment.

I know fate brought me here not for that rusting rocket outside, but for the wonderful man who almost died within it.

Oh Lord, I've been up until three in the night writing this all up! I better get in bed!


	13. Chapter 13

Shera's Diary

Chapter 13

Revelation

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

Dear Diary,

February twenty second! It's the captain's birthday! He's flying today, but he's slated to be back home tonight around six thirty, in time for dinner. I've picked up a nice prime rib roast from the store. I'm going to make it along with some sweet potatoes, since that's his favorite. I'm also making him a cake, a chocolate one, with that really dark chocolate frosting that he prefers.

I'm sure he's going to act like the fact I even _know_ it's his birthday annoys him, but I think deep down, he'll appreciate the gesture. I picked him up a small gift, too. It's nothing big. I just happened to notice that his work gloves were getting quite worn so I purchased a new pair.

Oh, and lastly, I got a case of that particular beer, Condor Gold, that he loves. It's hard to get it way out here in Rocket, but with the help of Mike, the bartender, I was able to pull a few strings and get some shipped to us.

I'm very excited!

------------------

Dear Diary,

As I figured, the captain acted upset when he came home tonight, but once he took off his coat and then came into the kitchen, he absolutely melted. His eyes scanned the table, seeing that I'd made his very favorites and I immediately handed him a bottle of beer.

"Well, I'll be damned, Shera…" he said, going over and sitting down before drinking a bit. "This… this looks real good."

"I'm glad you're pleased." With that, I sat across from him and we had dinner.

That man can sure eat a lot! He had five beers by the time he had finished dinner and then had another two as he worked on three pieces of cake.

Obviously feeling what he'd drank, he left the kitchen after a while and went out to the couch, taking yet another bottle with him. I then got his present and handed it over, sitting next to him.

The captain tore away the paper and opened the box. "Well hey, lookie there."

I smiled and watched as he put the gloves on. "Do they fit all right?"

"Just dandy," he said with a small laugh, before taking them off and setting them on the coffee table again. "This was all real nice of ya."

I felt a blush upon my cheeks. "You deserve it, Captain."

He poured the remainder of that eighth beer down his throat and then let the bottle hit the floor in front of the couch since reaching back to the coffee table seemed to be past his ability at that point. He fumbled for a moment, but managed to get a cigarette lit and to his lips. "Naw… you know what? I don't deserve shit…"

I've been living in this house now for nearly six months and although I've seen the captain drink here and there, this was the first time I'd ever seen him legitimately drunk. The expression on his face was relaxed, more so than I'd witnessed prior. The defensive wall he normally maintained wasn't just weakened, but it was honestly _gone_.

"I think you do," I said back quietly.

I know it was the alcohol, I have no illusions otherwise, but he draped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me in tightly against his side. Spawned by inebriation or not, I embraced the moment and settled in against him, not even minding the fact that happened to be breathing smoke right onto me. I closed my eyes and just let my mind drift, feeling so very content there with him.

I felt him pull the cigarette from his mouth and crush it down into the ashtray that forever sits on the arm of the couch. "Shera…"

I opened my eyes and looked up at him, wondering if I'd really heard his voice or if it had been my imagination.

He was looking down at me, his expression warm, his eyes only half open but shining with something I'd not seen before. "You… you know, you've sure put up with a lot from me…"

"You've been nothing but wonderful, Captain." There was a warmth creeping up within me, one that I wasn't really familiar with.

"You have…" he whispered, leaning a little closer to me.

I felt myself flush again, and I could feel my heart pounding in my ears. I wondered if he was going to kiss me… I'd never been kissed before. I just looked back at him, probably looking a little scared.

His arm that wasn't around my shoulders moved, and his hand came up and touched my cheek.

I started to tremble.

The captain smirked faintly and then closed his eyes.

I did as well and within a few seconds, I felt his lips against mine lightly.

If time could only have stopped in that moment…

…but it didn't.

The kiss was short and sweet, his lips just against mine for a moment before he shifted and slumped forward just a little more, resting his head on my shoulder.

"Shera, I…"

"Yes, Captain?" I asked, such a hope within me.

"…I'm really fucked up… I need to get to bed…"

Pardon me here as I quote the captain, but Goddamnit all to hell! I cursed inwardly, that hope thusly quelled. "Then let's get you to bed."

With that, we both managed to get up from the couch and I walked down the hall, with the captain leaning on me for support.

Now, I've never been in his room in all the time I've been living here. This was an exceptional circumstance, though, I figured. I reached out, opened the door, and flipped on the light.

Captain Highwind instantly brought up his left arm and covered his eyes, the sudden brightness seeming to get to him. I helped him sit on the edge of his unmade bed and then I turned on his bedside lamp, before turning the main light off.

This seemed to suit him better and he sat there and pulled off his shirt.

I didn't want to be rude and watch him undress, so I turned away and just scanned the room around me. The walls in his room have the same dark wood paneling as much of the rest of the house. His bed sheets and comforter were blue, I'd noticed before looking elsewhere. There was a small nightstand that held the lamp I'd turned on. The master bath was on the left side of the room.

I couldn't help but notice the long spear hanging on the wall over his dresser. "That's quite a weapon."

He grunted, still struggling with his clothes. "My granddaddy's…"

"Is that so?" I asked, intrigued.

"Yeah… Goddamned boots won't fuckin'… He was a dragoon. Rode dragons, all that shit." With that, I heard him shift around on the bed. "I ain't naked, for the record, you can look."

I laughed at myself and turned to face him again, seeing that he was stripped down to his boxers. The scar from the knife wound months ago still visible on his upper chest. "Is there anything that I can get you?"

He nodded before flopping back drunkenly. "Yeah… how 'bout a glass've water and some aspirin. I don't need no fuckin' hangover tomorrow. In the medicine cabinet over my sink…"

I offered him a nod, even though he was laying with his eyes closed, before turning and going into his bathroom. I disregarded the towels that he'd just dropped on the floor and made my way to the cabinet over his sink. I opened it and scanned the assorted things within for the requested aspirin. I found them in short order and prepared to close the door, but then something caught my eye.

I reached in and dared to turn the prescription bottle around that sat on the lower shelf, wondering what he could be on since I'd never known him to go to the doctor or the pharmacy.

I caught my breath.

It was my sleeping pills.

The ones that had gone missing from my car's glove box so many months before.

The captain… it had been the captain who'd prevented my intended suicide.

I shook my head in slight disbelief and turned my attention to his sink, spotting a glass there, which I filled with water before returning to his side.

He was laying there, with his eyes still closed and I worried for a moment that he'd passed out, but soon his left hand rose from the bed and was held out toward me. "Gimme three of 'em…"

I opted not to mention my sleeping pills and I dumped three of the aspirin into his hand, and then passed the glass of water to him when his right hand rose as well.

The captain sat up, took the pills, drank the water and then handed me back the glass, that I just sat on the nightstand.

"Is there anything else, Captain?" I asked.

"Naw… I'm good," he grumbled back, rolling over onto his side and facing away from me. "I'm just gonna sleep."

I smiled and turned off his lamp, then making my way toward his door. "Goodnight, Captain."

"G'night, Shera," I heard him say back. "And, uh, thanks for all this tonight…"

"No problem, Sir," I replied, my smile growing as I pulled the door closed behind me.

Happy Twenty-Ninth Birthday, Captain Highwind.

---------------

Dear Diary,

My goodness, I forget about this diary anymore for such long tracts of time. I suppose it's because months go by without much change in our daily routine that we've settled into. Plus, with as busy as we've been with the charter business, I just haven't had much time.

I've read what I wrote last time, and it was months ago.

Today is the anniversary of the launch failure.

Being Wednesday, the captain wasn't flying and I noticed from the moment that he got up, that he seemed more withdrawn than normal.   
I served him his morning tea and breakfast, which he took without anything said to me at all. If there is ever a day he's going to be reminded of what I did to ruin his life, though, this is it and I didn't blame him for ignoring me.

After breakfast, he disappeared out of the house for several hours. At first, I didn't bother to try and find out where he was and I just stayed at the desk in the family room working on the businesses' paperwork. When he failed to come back in for his noon tea, though, I grew concerned and stepped outside.

I walked around for a while, before I spotted him sitting out on the launch pad, smoking a cigarette, staring up at his rocket. I suspected that's where he'd been all day. I felt that I should leave him be to reflect, but he looked over toward me and seemed to want me to come closer.

I approached him and he patted the ground next to where he sat, indicating that he wanted me there. I sat and looked up at the rocket as he was doing.

"It's been a year already," he said, almost in a whisper.

"That it has."

He turned his head and looked at me, plucking the cigarette from his lips. "Why?"

I looked at him as well. "Why what, Sir?"

"What was it? Tell me, tell me what it was that you were so _fuckin'_ obsessed with… What was it that kept you in that engine room, ready to die?" His gaze didn't waver in the least, his expression entirely serious.

I've never broached the subject with the captain. I'd never felt that he wanted to know. This was my chance to redeem myself, perhaps. "Do you remember when I told you that I thought there was something wrong with those oxygen tanks?"

He nodded slightly, his jaw tensing.

"Well, despite the fact that you ordered me to leave them be, I didn't. I kept thinking about them, studying the plans, trying my best to figure out what it was that was wrong."

He just nodded again.

I looked down at the ground before me. "On the launch day, I went into that engine room, to check those tanks again. It turns out that the plans were wrong. The number eight tank was over pressurized. The plans had stated for all the tanks to be built to hold 1500psi, but the eight tank, the one for the environmental systems… it was filled to the standard 2100."

One of his eyebrows quirked.

"I decided that I would open the valve on that tank and drain it down to under 1500, so that it wouldn't explode." I felt myself flush red. "If it had blown up, it would have severely damaged the rocket and caused it to fail structurally, or, you simply would have suffocated once out of the atmosphere without it to keep pushing oxygen into the flight capsule."

"You were ready to let yourself be killed?" he asked, his eyes still upon me.

"It was either my life or yours, I felt. I knew it was too late for me to get out by the time I figured out what was really wrong with the tanks, so what else was there for me to do other than to at least make sure that the rocket was going to work for you?" I looked back up at him.

"And you thought that even with you in there, doomed to death, that I would launch anyway?" He took a long drag from his cigarette, awaiting my answer.

"I wanted you to go anyway. It was your dream, and I'm the one that had failed to make sure that the rocket was perfect for you, just like you'd asked me to." My voice wavered in my regret.

"You had to know that I wouldn't have launched, though, with you in there," he said flatly.

"Perhaps, but if I'd tried to just tell you what was wrong with the tank without staying to just try and correct the problem, Captain, you know very well that you would have blown me off and launched." I sighed deeply. "As such, you would have died, and I would have carried the burden of your death."

The captain's eyes fell away from me, and he looked over at the rocket. "You're right."

I just watched him.

"I would have gone. I wouldn't have heeded your warnin' about the damn tank, and I would have launched." He flicked his cigarette off into the distance. "I'd be dead."

"I wouldn't have been able to live with that," I confessed.

"That day, a year ago, I would have told ya that havin' died in that rocket would've been better'n livin' with the shame or disappointment that I ended up facin', Shera." His eyes closed, and his head was slowly hung.

I couldn't help but ask. "…and what would you say now?"

He huffed and then opened his eyes, turning his gaze to me. "I'd say I was a Goddamned fool then."

"I'm glad you've found something worth living for, then," I replied, giving him a smile.

With that, the captain simply got up, patted my shoulder and walked away.

I wish I knew what he'd found worth living for.

I wish it was me.


	14. Chapter 14

Shera's Diary

Chapter 14

Rut

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

((Holds up a sign Will write for reviews!))

Dear Diary,

The frequency with which I'm updating this journal continues to decline. It's been a little over six months from the last time, once more.

I turned twenty-five a few months ago, and the captain took me out for dinner that night. It had been quite nice. For a gift, I had been given a gift certificate to a clothing store.

In the captain's words, "I just don't fuckin' know what a woman would want. You need new clothes for work, though, since our passengers do see ya on occasion."

It was a lovely night, his doubts over his gift giving included.

Today, however, is February twenty second.

This time? It's Captain Highwind's thirtieth birthday.

He was down most of the day. I've come to appreciate that he sinks into these little depressions here and there, but today, I excused it. Turning thirty, for him, seems to be a big one.

I, once again, made prime rib for his dinner, the chocolate cake for dessert, and procured a case of that beer. It seemed to make him happy last year, anyway.

Tonight, he got in from his last flight at just a few minutes past seven, and I had dinner waiting for him.

He came in, landed at the table, and started to eat, without much acknowledgement toward me.

"Happy Birthday, Captain," I said quietly, bringing a beer over to him and then sitting down as well.

"Yeah… thanks. It looks good…" he replied, starting to get his plate loaded up.

We had dinner in relative silence before retiring to the family room. He sat in his chair, and I sat on the ground before him. Both having been drinking during dinner, I think we were both a little tipsy. I was, anyway.

I reached under the coffee table and pulled out the gift I'd gotten for him. "I got you something."

The captain reached out and took the box from me and opened it. When he saw what was within, one of his eyebrows cocked.

I had to laugh. "It's a GPS system for your truck. You always seem to get frustrated when you can't remember how to get places on the ground, so I thought it would be a good idea."

"I've actually been thinkin' about gettin' one of these. Thanks," he said back, before setting the box over on the coffee table again. The alcohol and present seemed to cut away some of the darkness that had been around him, and I finally saw him smile. "Shera, can you do me a favor?"

"Anything, Captain."

"Can you promise to make me the same dinner on all my birthdays? I mean, I really do like it. Hell, you're the only one besides my momma that's ever even remembered my birthday." The captain looked at me.

I smiled broadly and laughed a little. "I would be glad to, Sir."

"Good girl…" he sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Can I ask ya somethin' else?"

I couldn't help but wonder what was on his mind. "Absolutely."

He broke into a lazy and amused grin. "Y'all still a virgin?"

"Captain!" I said back, half laughing and throwing the nearest convenient magazine at him.

Deflecting the periodical with a wide swing of his arm, he laughed. "You said I could ask anythin'!"

"When, pray tell, have I had the chance for my… status to change since you last asked me before the launch?" I was giggling now, both from the ridiculous question and the amount I had drank.

"I dunno… I'm gone overnight a lot! Maybe y'all are havin' wild parties when I'm away," he laughed back.

"You know me better than _that_, Sir." I rolled my eyes, my smile not fading.

"You plan on dyin' that way, then?" he asked, still clearly joking.

"It's not a possibility I've written off at this point!" I laughed so hard that I snorted.

His expression suddenly changed, and he leaned forward in his chair, locking into my gaze, looking deadly serious. "Well, I can fix that for you."

I must have turned fire engine red at that and I stuttered for a few seconds. This was so out in left field. "Uh…I… I, uh… C…Captain…I…"

His eyes narrowed for a moment, before he broke into a grin. "Aw… I'm just fuckin' with ya!"

Relieved on one hand, but really… disappointed on another, I laughed as well. "You're just terrible!"

"Yeah, so I've been told a time or two." The captain sank back into his chair again, still snickering to himself.

I figured that I had nothing to lose and turned the tables on him at that point. "What about you?"

An eyebrow quirked. "What about me what?"

"What's your sexual history?" I asked, crawling over to the couch, deciding that the floor just wasn't very comfortable.

He didn't reply.

I looked over at him once I got situated. "It's only fair, Captain! You did ask me and turn about is fair play."

The captain growled to himself discontentedly. "Well, I ain't no damn virgin, if that's what y'all are askin'!"

"I didn't suppose that you were," I retorted, having to smile at his uncomfortable expression.

"I ain't…"

"How many girls have you been with?" I couldn't help myself. This was information that I honestly wanted.

"Four." He avoided looking at me at all.

"So you've had four girlfriends?"

"They weren't girlfriends," he sighed.

I looked at him, wondering. "Oh?"

"I don't really… I don't talk about this shit, Shera."

"All right, if you don't want to, you don't have to." I'm sure my disappointment was obvious.

"You really wanna hear this?" he asked, sitting up slightly.

I nodded, despite myself.

"Why?"

Well, he had me there. "I feel like I don't know much about you other than what your mother has told me on the few occasions she's come over."

"My momma don't know none of this shit," he laughed back.

"I would hope not!" And then I had another giggling fit.

Have I ever mentioned that beer can be a wonderful thing?

"They were all just sorta… one nighters, really…" The captain's eyes drifted up toward the ceiling. "I'd go to a bar, get drunk and girls… there's just girls that have a thing for pilots, ya know?"

Oh God how I knew, and I nodded.

"I usually turned 'em down, but there were a few times that I drank probably a little too much and… I didn't refuse." His cheeks took on a dark hue.

"But it never panned out into anything?" I quietly asked.

"No. Hell, all four times, they left right afterward. Never heard from any of them ever again because I was just some sort of conquest and they were onto the next great thing." There was something in his voice as he said that.

"That's really… kind of sad, Captain." Something in my heart ached.

His eyes closed. "I was so Goddamned drunk when it happened each time, that I didn't feel much and I remember even less…"

"When was the last time it happened?" I supposed I might be prying now, but as long as he was answering and I was drunk enough not to hold my tongue…

I barely heard his answer. "Eight years ago."

I examined him as he sat there, eyes closed, mouth no longer displaying anything even remotely like a smile. The loneliness around him was almost tangible in that moment.

This was his thirtieth birthday and he'd never had a girlfriend.

Who was I to talk, though? At twenty-five, I was no better.

One of his eyes opened and he got up, unsteadily from his chair. He came over to the couch and sat down beside me, leaning back against the arm of it. The captain held out his arms to me. "C'mere."

I did as asked and got closer to him. He pulled me down and against his chest, keeping his arms around me tightly and pulling his legs up onto the couch. I felt him kiss the top of my head. "Shera?"

I lay against his chest, hearing his heart beat within. How much alike, and yet different than his last birthday this had proven to be. "Yes, Captain?"

"Thanks for stayin' around," he said quietly.

"Thanks for having me, Sir."

"You… I, uh… this… what we've got kinda goin' here between us, it's all right, ain't it?" There was some discomfort in his tone, although I didn't really understand what it meant.

I answered as I thought he would want me to. "That we're business partners? Yes, I'm all right with it."

"Business partners…" his voice cracked.

I looked up at him as best that I could. "…and friends."

He kissed the top of my head once more before falling asleep there with me against him.

I got up after a long while, not waking him. I covered the captain with a blanket and am now sitting in his chair, writing this and watching him sleep.

_…and friends._

Sometimes, I question my own intelligence.

------------------

Dear Diary,

So, I'm still out of my groove. This time, it hasn't been six months since I last wrote.

It hasn't been a year…

It's been almost two years.

_Two __years_.

I'm still living in the captain's house, in my own room, of course. I've looked, from time to time, for my own place. It's not that I want to leave the captain's home at all, it just seemed like I should be putting some effort into being on my own, right?

Captain Highwind was right, though. Even now, all these years later, no one will lease a place to me. They aren't rude about it ever, they just never call me back after I leave a rental application.

Honestly? I'm glad I've never been called back. It would, after all, be a lot harder to look after the captain's needs if I wasn't in his house.

The charter business is still going well. The captain even traded in his old plane for a newer one. Shin Ra invested in our business, in return for getting their logo on the plane. Sadly, it came prenamed the _Tiny Bronco_, a name that he, admittedly, dislikes. When I asked him why he didn't just change the plane's name to suit him better, his answer was simple.

"Because it's bad luck, _real_ bad luck, to rename a ship or plane, Shera."

Well, pardon me for not knowing! I had to laugh, I truly did.

Anyway, the captain is in another funk. I finally broke down and asked him what it was before he took off this morning.

He looked me square in the eye. "I'm ready, all most, to sorta… give up on this town."

I didn't quite understand. "Sir?"

"This town, Shera." Captain Highwind's eyes turned toward his decaying rocket. "I've started thinkin' that I should move. I mean, it'd be cheaper to live somewhere like Kalm and it'd be closer to most of our charter clients. Besides, I'm tired of feelin' like a Goddamned babysitter around here."

I got what he meant with that. Increasingly over the years, the people of this town have come to depend on the captain's input on things. They basically regard him as something of a mayor now. When it first started, he welcomed it, but he's come to feel like it's more of a burden. A part of me, though, wondered if it was just the presence of the rocket that was wearing on him. However, that was not my main worry over what he'd said. "If… if you move, though, will you want me to go with you?"

Captain Highwind looked at me like I'd just said the dumbest thing he'd ever heard. "Of course I'd want you to go! Goddamn, Shera! You're my fuckin' partner!"

He's an ass, but I sure love him.


	15. Chapter 15

Shera's Diary

Chapter 15

Deviation

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

(Some dialogue in the last entry was taken straight from the game. I've got to stick true to what happened, right?)

Dear Diary,

Dare I say that Captain Highwind is as giddy as a school girl?

We got a call today. The new president of Shin Ra, Rufus, is slated to come to our small town in just a few days.

The captain is absolutely convinced that it's to announce the refunding of the space program! It seems impossible, but I have to agree, why else would the president be on his way out here?

Captain Highwind has put all his charter flights on hold pending the president's visit, and is now devoting his every waking hour to that rocket. He's sure that although it's leaning and damaged, that it is salvageable. I've dug out all the old plans and schematics that I could find amongst the captain's things, and I've started reviewing them as well.

After almost five years, my engineering skills aren't as sharp as they used to be, but I'm surprised exactly how much is coming back to me.

If that rocket is going to go up, by God, this time, I'm going to make sure that it's perfect.

----------------

Dear Diary,

The president is supposed to be here tomorrow. I should have drugged the captain's last cup of tea to get him to sleep.

----------------

Dear Diary,

I'm just going to relay the events of the day today as best I can without getting emotional.

The captain got up before the sun ever rose and went out to work in the rocket. Hearing him moving around woke me up and I, too, got to work before much longer.

A little later in the day, I was walking from the rocket back toward the house to try and get the captain's noon tea started, when I saw a group of strangers standing around the plane.

I went over to them, wondering what they wanted. "Um… may I help you?"

There was a blonde boy amongst them and he turned to me, looking like he wanted me to go away. "No, we're just looking at it."

I noticed at that point that the boy was wearing a SOLDIER uniform and I became curious. I thought that either they wanted to schedule a charter or they were with the president's entourage. Although I was normally the booking agent, with the present delay in flights, I knew better than to say anything otherwise without the captain's approval. "If you would like to use it, please ask the captain."

They just looked at me blankly.

"The captain should be in the rocket. I'm Shera, and what are your names?" I was honestly starting to wonder about this lot.

They introduced themselves, indicating to me that they weren't with the company.

I looked back toward the rocket. "So you're not with Shin Ra. I thought the approval for the reopening of the space program came."

The blonde gawked at me.

My disappointment was clear. "President Rufus is scheduled to come here. The captain has been so restless all morning."

With that, they all turned away from me and headed toward the rocket. I was left with an unsettled feeling, but returned to my duties.

About a half an hour later, the group of them came back to the house, and my curiosity got the better of me. "Excuse me... Cloud? Did the captain say anything?"

He told me no, and that struck me as strange since the captain always has something to say.

I was going to question him further, but then the door to the house was flung open and the captain walked in. He seemed to be in a foul mood and he motioned toward the strangers. "What the fuck, Shera? What, are you blind!? We got guests! Get some tea, Goddamnit!"

"I… I'm sorry." He was right, I'd not shown them much courtesy, and I went over to the stove.

There was more said between them all, and then the captain seemed to absolutely blow. The stress had caused him to crack. "Shut up! Sit your ass down in that chair and drink your goddamn tea!" He growled loudly and started to walk toward the door again. "Damn, I'm pissed! Shera! I'll be in the backyard tunin' up the plane, an' make sure to serve them some tea! All right!?"

I sighed to myself and faced the visitors. They all seemed a little shocked, but I assured them that Captain Highwind's behavior was to be expected in light of the circumstances. This didn't seem to be a good enough answer for them, however, so I related the story of the failed launch nearly five years ago.

Finally, I reached the end of the tale. "He pushed the emergency shut down switch, aborting the mission to save my life. After that, the space program was cut back and launch was canceled. It's my fault his dream was destroyed... That's why... it's all right. I don't care what the captain says, I'll live my life for him."

We all jumped a little when the door to the house was thrown open again and Captain Highwind returned. "Shera! You still haven't served 'em tea?!"

I apologized and turned back to the kettle on the stove, checking it and then getting some cups down from the cabinets.

The captain continued to grumble as he sat at the kitchen table, ordering Cloud to do the same.

Once more, the door was thrown open, and in walked Palmer, who we hadn't seen since the cancellation of the space program. He acted like he owned the place. "Hey, hey! Long time no see! So Cid, how ya been?"

The captain looked over toward the Shin Ra executive. "Well, if it ain't fat man Palmer. How long were you figurin' on keepin' me waitin'!? So? When's the space program gonna start up again?"

Palmer waved a hand and huffed. "Hey, hey! I don't know! The president's outside, so why don't you ask him?

This only frustrated the captain further and he got up hastily and marched out the door. "Goddamnit! Good for nothin' fat fuck!"

With the captain out of the room, Palmer came closer to me demanding a cup of tea, which I handed over. A few moments later, everyone went outside, leaving me alone again.

I went over to the kitchen window and opened it, to see if I could hear what the president was saying to Captain Highwind.

All I could hear was the captain's angry and deeply disappointed voice. "What the..! You got me all excited for nothing!? Then, what'd you come here for?"

My heart sank like a rock. That's all I'd needed to hear to know that they weren't here for the space program at all. I honestly grew angry. How dare they do this to the captain!

I continued to listen in and I heard the president then tell the captain that he intended to take the plane! If that plane was going to be taken, I wasn't going to let it be by Shin Ra. I turned and ran out of the house and up behind Cloud. I knew there was no sense in what I was about to do, but something just compelled me. I caught the young man's attention and pulled him back into the house without the captain's notice, since he was too busy having a meltdown.

Once in the house, I spoke to him quietly. "You wanted to use the Tiny Bronco, right? I believe Palmer is going to take it. Why don't you go talk to him?"

Cloud offered me a nod and then stepped out of the house, and I watched as he walked over to the plane, resting on the opposite side of the house from where Captain Highwind was still arguing with the president.

I stood there, not knowing what to do. It was clear to me in that moment that everything in the captain's life and mine was about to change forever. So much for the rut that we'd settled in over the years.

Cloud and his group managed to get past Palmer and the engines to the plane started! They were taking it and I knew that it was better, somehow, than if I'd not done anything and Shin Ra had gotten it.

At the time, I couldn't help but think, _score one for Shera!_ Although, I knew the captain was going to lose what little grip he had on reality at the moment.

Sure enough, the captain stopped his yelling spree at the president when he heard the engines of his precious plane come to life. He ran like I've never seen him run before around the house and over toward the grass airstrip that the plane was now taxiing down.

He was chasing the plane! I couldn't understand what in the world he thought he was going to do! I didn't think he would be able to catch it and then, it got worse.

…the guards that had accompanied the president all opened fire at the plane and Captain Highwind!

This didn't deter him, however, and he managed to grab onto his plane for all he was worth, pulling open the side door and vanishing within. I could hear bullets ricocheting off the fuselage and I was terrified.

Still, that plane gained speed and a few seconds later, it was in the air, captain and all. However, some of the last bullets fired seemed to hit the tail of the plane, causing a considerable piece of it to fall away.

I slammed the door to the house and locked it, hoping that the president and Palmer would just go away and after a while, they did.

I tried to radio the captain a short while later. "Captain?"

There was static for a bit and then came his voice. "Shera…"

"Are you all right?" I asked, worried that he might have been injured during his escape with the plane.

His voice took on a very welcomed warm tone. "I'm fine. The plane's fucked up and we're actually on the water right now but… I'm fine. They… they didn't do anythin' to ya afterward, did they?"

I couldn't help but smile at his slightly protective tone. "No, Sir, they just left without a word to me."

"Good… I'm real glad to hear that. Look, if they do come back, just cooperate and do what they say. I don't want ya gettin' hurt. These guys have told me exactly what's goin' on and I'm gonna help 'em out with a few things. I'll be home as soon as I can, okay?"

"Yes, Captain," I said back, just praying for his safety.

"All right, Miss Shera, I… I'll talk to ya later."

At that, the radio went dead and I've been pacing the house since.

I wish I knew what was happening, God in heaven, I wish I knew.


	16. Chapter 16

Shera's Diary

Chapter 16

Tension

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

(I'm glad that you all are enjoying this! Gives me the warm fuzzies!)

Dear Diary,

Captain Highwind has been gone for three weeks. He's called or radioed, as the case may be, everyday. Still, I feel so alone with him gone. The things I'm hearing on the news are starting to honestly scare me. Media control or not, Shin Ra can't keep hidden the fact that things are getting bad on a global scale.

The news reports, though, blame it all on a group called AVALANCHE. Even though Captain Highwind hasn't disclosed any information about what he's gotten himself into, I fear that he's now one of the AVALANCHE fugitives that Shin Ra is after.

When he does call, he deflects all of my questions about what it is he's doing. Instead, he turns the conversation back toward me, asking if I'm all right and if the people of the town are being kind.

I wonder if he's as scared as I am?

--------------

Dear Diary,

When you open the newspaper on a given morning and see that the man that you love is on a list of prisoners slated to be executed…

Shin Ra caught the members of AVALANCHE and as I dearly feared, Captain Highwind is amongst them. The report says that the prisoners are all to be executed individually and that it will be televised.

A woman, named Tifa Lockhart, is scheduled to be the first one.

I'm sick… I can't function at all… If he truly ends up being killed…

--------------

Dear Diary,

Sometimes, life, or maybe it's fate, pushes you as far as it possibly can. Sometimes, it does it and then snaps you back at the last moment, to go the other way and you're thrown into some sort of wonderful, incomprehensible relief. That relief, though, is all too often short lived.

The first execution was slated for three days ago, but right before it happened, the signal to the television was cut off and a 'please stand by message' popped up.

I sat there for hours, seeing that stupid test pattern, too afraid to move, for fear that if I did, the last possible glimpse I would ever get of the captain alive would flash by. Then, around midnight, the television came back on and went back to it's normal programming.

Still, I sat there, waiting, wondering…

Then, there was a faint roar outside.

At first, I dismissed it, but it got louder, increasingly louder, and the whole house began to shake. A shadow fell over the house and the ground rocked as something… something big alit outside.

I was pulled from my vigil before the television and went outside, dreading what it could be.

Out on the airstrip sat something that I couldn't quite get my mind around. It was an airship. One that I recognized from my engineering courses as being the _Highwind_, the first ship that the captain had ever designed. Although I was well versed, even now, in the dimensions of the ship, to see it in person was absolutely awe inspiring.

I was shaken out of my reverie, though, when a hatch on the side of the ship opened up and out came Captain Highwind!!!

I couldn't help it and I shrieked in my shock and joy. As he emerged and started to walk toward me, I was unable to hold myself back and I ran to him as fast as I could.

He'd escaped. Somehow, they'd all escaped.

The captain swept me up into his arms. "Glad to see me?"

"Captain…" I couldn't help it and I broke into tears, clinging to him for all I was worth.

We stood there for what felt like several minutes before finally we pulled away from one another. I had to take off my glasses and wipe my eyes. Soon, he took my hand and led me toward the house.

Upon entering, he sat at the kitchen table and I immediately got the water heating on the stove. I knew, if nothing else, that he would want a little tea.

I placed his cup before him in short order, and sat across from him with a cup of my own. "Captain… I'd heard that you and the others had been captured and you were going to be executed… I've been so scared."

He nodded and took a sip. "That's how it was supposed to go but we broke the fuck out and then stole that." Captain Highwind motioned back over his shoulder, indicating the airship. "Fuckin' absurd that I had to steal somethin' I built, ain't it?"

"I don't care what you had to do to get out of there, I'm just glad you did," I said back, staring down at my tea.

"Well, I guess y'all know by now that those folks I'm with are AVALANCHE…" he said in a quiet tone.

"Yes, Sir, I know."

"Well, they're tryin' to save the world."

I looked up at him. All I had been hearing on the news was that they were a terrorist organization. However, having suspected that the captain had joined up with them, I knew that couldn't be the real truth. It seemed like he was ready to give me the answers that I had been craving for so long. "Save the world, Captain?"

He nodded and sighed tiredly. "Shera… I've learned and see shit over the last few weeks that… I uh…"

I watched as he hung his head and closed his eyes. If I didn't know him better, I would have thought he was on the verge of tears. "Captain?"

"There was a girl with our group… she was just a Goddamned kid… Sephiroth…" his words trailed off.

Sephiorth? I knew that name. He was back from the alleged dead, terrorizing the planet.

I reached across the table and took hold of his hand. "Sir..?"

"I saw her get killed. Right in front of Cloud and the rest of us. Slaughtered like a fuckin' animal." His eyes opened and looked up at mine.

I examined him then. He seemed… older. The last few weeks had clearly added years to him and I felt a pain in my chest. I may not have been told exactly what he had been through since leaving, but I understood it all on a much deeper level. "I'm so sorry…"

"Yeah, now, Cloud ended up gettin' fucked after that, and he fell into the Goddamned Lifestream. He's in a hospital in Mideel at the moment, bein' tended to by that Tifa girl. The others and I left them be for the time bein' and I decided that we needed to stop here. Since I'm the one flyin' that bird, I get to do what I want." He turned his hand beneath mine, grabbing my wrist. "I wanted to just check up on things, ya know?"

I nodded. "Everything has been fine, Captain. The town is--"

He shook his head, cutting me off. "I don't give a fuck about the town."

I simply stared at him, feeling a blush on my cheeks.

"We're gonna all spend the night here. The others'll all bunk on the ship, but I wanted one damn night in my own home." His fingers tightened around my wrist a little more. "In the mornin', we'll head out to keep tryin' to thwart Shin Ra and Sephiroth. For right now, though, I…"

"What's that?" I asked quietly.

"I don't want to think about any of that shit for now. I know it ain't close to my birthday, but… do y'all think there's any chance you could make one of them prime rib roasts?" A hopeful smile came to his lips.

"Anything you want, Captain." I knew, that in light of the circumstances, that this might be the last time the captain and I would have together and if he wanted prime rib, by God, he was going to get it.

"Thanks, Shera. I'm gonna hit the shower." With that, he got up and walked back toward his room.

I took that chance to go out and get what he wanted for dinner. It's now in the oven and the captain, who seems just so tired, is asleep in his chair before the television. So, here I sit, on the couch, hoping that the rest of today and tonight lasts longer than I know it will.

My captain is determined to save the world, but he came home for dinner.

Sometimes, I wonder about him, as much as I love him.

-----------------

Dear Diary,

After watching the captain nearly eat himself sick last night, we retired out into the family room. We ended up on the couch together, his arm draped around my shoulders. It was perfect, as far as I was concerned.

A long silence had passed between us while the captain had burned through three cigarettes. Although I hadn't been able to get any of that Condor Gold that he likes on such short notice, Mike had hooked me up with a bottle of Jameson when I stopped by the bar on the way back from the store. We'd finished a good third of that bottle with dinner and, as was so often the case when we'd both been drinking, our conversation took a swerve from the norm.

"You ever think 'bout havin' kids?" he asked, his eyes closed and his head against the back of the couch.

I nodded slightly. "If… if I ever found myself married, I would love to."

"I think you'd make a real damn good momma."

I sat back from him slightly. The very idea that he would have ever thought about such a thing was strange. "You do?"

"Well yeah," he opened his eyes and looked at me. "You got the patience of a damn tortoise. Y'all are real good about tendin' to shit. Surely, I'm as hard to deal with as a kid, right?"

The levity in his voice made me smile. I was flattered, deeply. "I appreciate the vote of confidence."

"I just call shit like I see it, Shera." A smile lingered on his lips.

"And you? Do you think you'd ever like to have children?" I asked, settling back into his side.

"Well…" he paused for a moment. "I got the easy part, bein' Daddy if I did."

"So, you'd let your kids call you Daddy and not make them call you Captain?" I openly wondered.

He laughed. "I ain't as much of a hard ass as the admiral. I think I'd like kids, though. Teach 'em to fly and all that. I just don't know if… I mean… like ya said, there's that whole havin' to get married to a woman I think would be nice to have 'em with."

"You just said you thought I would make a good mother," I couldn't help but laugh back.

"You would. You wouldn't ever marry me, though," he replied with a sigh.

"Why do you say that?"

He shifted next to me slightly. "Because, y'all know me real well. You know what sort've a damn jerk I am, Shera."

"…and, you don't think of me like that anyway." I felt a little disappointment within.

He was strangely silent for a moment.

"Captain?"

"I don't know if… uh… Shera, I drank too much with dinner and I don't wanna say anythin' in this state that might make us feel weird, ya know?" His head lulled too the side a little and I looked up, seeing him looking down at me.

I wondered what he meant by that. There were only a few possibilities:

He may actually have thought of me in those terms, but was afraid I didn't feel that way.

He may not have thought of me like that but feared that maybe I was interested in him and he didn't want to hurt my feelings.

He was drunk and willing to say that he didn't think it was a bad idea at all but he knew he would sober out of such a notion come tomorrow.

Whatever the case, I didn't wish to make him uncomfortable at all. "Well, I can respect that, Captain."

Several more minutes of silence then passed.

Then, the captain said the strangest thing to me I've ever heard him say.

And I've heard him say some fairly strange things.

"Shera, sleep with me."

I sat bolt upright and looked at him. I'm sure my expression was representative of my shock. "C…Captain?"

"I just want ya to stay with me in my room tonight. I ain't gonna try nothin' at all, it's just…" his voice wavered and trailed off.

I moved closer to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. I wanted him to tell me whatever he had to. "Sir?"

"What I've gotten into with these guys… Shera, the world… It's really in danger and I don't know if what we're tryin' to do is gonna mean shit." His eyes reflected fear, honest to God fear. "I don't know if I'm gonna ever get back here and… I really just don't want to be alone tonight. That ain't the alcohol speakin', it's how I'm really feelin'. Will ya?"

There was no way I could have ever refused him. Certainly not with this sort of request. If there was a chance that he could die in the ensuing events, I wasn't going to be away from him that night. "Absolutely."

He kissed my cheek and then got up, offering me his hand. I took it and was pulled to my feet and he led me down the hall. I was trembling badly at that point, even though he'd said he wasn't going to try anything.

Actually, deep down, I think I was honestly hoping that he would…

Once in his room, he turned on the lamp beside his head and stripped down to his boxers before sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked over to where I was still standing close to the door. "Shera, you gonna sleep in all your clothes or what?"

I had to laugh at myself. "Just a moment."

I turned and went into my own room, getting out of my day clothes and into a set of pajamas. I returned to the captain's room.

He was still sitting on the edge of his bed and he offered me an expression of… gratitude? "I was thinkin' y'all were gonna just go into your room and vanish for the night."

I shook my head and sat on the other side of his bed. "No, I'll stay with you. I'd do anything."

The captain reached over and turned off the light, then moving to get beneath the sheets. I slipped under them as well, making sure to stay on the side of the bed I'd chosen.

He rolled onto his side to face me. "Shera?"

"Yes?" I asked, my voice quiet, but showing my anxiety.

"C'mere." I felt him pat the mattress right beside him.

I did as requested and slid closer to him. Soon, his left arm closed down over my waist and he pulled me in further, until my back was against him. The heat radiating off of him was amazing and felt so incredibly good compared to the cold sheets.

He moved a little behind me and sat up slightly, kissing the back of my neck once before he settled in. "G'night, Shera."

Resolving that we were, in fact, just going to sleep, I smiled to myself and closed my eyes. "Goodnight, Captain."

He left this morning before I awoke. I was startled out of my sleep when the rumble of the airship started outside. I hated waking up alone but… part of me wonders if he slipped out because he just didn't want to say goodbye?

I would have cried if he had. I guess I wouldn't have really wanted to have him see me do that.

I happened to notice that he took the rest of the remaining cake that I'd made, though.


	17. Chapter 17

Shera's Diary

Chapter 17

Intervention

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

Dear Diary,

It's been six days since the captain left again. I've kept my eye on the news, but not much is being revealed about the AVALANCHE situation or Sephiroth. There was an earthquake in Mideel a few days ago, it was reported. I hope that the captain's friends that were there are all right.

He still radios or calls once a day, usually in the evening, but he doesn't tell me what's going on. In his words, "What I don't tell you, Shin Ra can't force outta ya, later. I just don't wanna get ya in trouble, Goddamnit."

Well, I can appreciate that, even with as desperate as I am for information. As long as I get word from him every night that he's still all right, I can sleep.

More or less.

Okay, I'm not hardly sleeping at all.

After that last night that he was here, and being in his bed with him, mine suddenly seems awfully cold and lonely.

-----------------

Dear Diary,

There's something visible in the night sky suddenly. It's a horrid orange fireball that looks as though it's on a collision course with the planet.

Although it's been there for the last few days and is the favorite topic of discussion in the town, there was no mention of it at all in the news until today.

The report said that it was just a harmless comet that would pass by us without any fear of impact.

Mind you, the media is all controlled by Shin Ra.

Well, it certainly doesn't look like any sort of comet to me and it's obviously getting closer.

I'm putting my money on it really being something bad.

Very bad.

-----------------

Dear Diary,

I was out pulling weeds this morning when I saw a convoy of Shin Ra vehicles roll into town. I was approached by two Turks, and my blood ran cold.

One of them I recognized as the man that had been there when I had found myself evicted from my apartment. It may have been five years past, but there are just some things you never forget. The other was… carrot topped, smaller, and unkempt looking.

I stood up, pulling off my gardening gloves. I remembered the captain's orders to cooperate fully if Shin Ra came along demanding anything. "Can I help you?"

The slovenly one smirked at me. "We're looking for Shera Sakamoto."

"That's me," I readily admitted.

"Hey, you were right for once! That was easy," the smaller one scoffed up to his larger partner. He then turned his leering green eyes to me. "Here's the deal. So, that rocket? You're gonna get all the people in this town that used to work on that rust bucket together and you're gonna repair it, capiche?"

I couldn't help but ask, "Why?"

Once more, the red head turned to his partner. "Do you believe this shit? Why, she asks?"

The larger one just shrugged.

The other turned to me again. "I'll tell you why! Because we need this rocket to launch something into space to blow that fucking meteor outta the sky!"

I knew it! That thing in the sky was something bad. The news had been spun. I couldn't help but feel a little full of myself at that moment. "But it's just a comet, so we've been told, that is no threat."

"Well, I'll let you in on a little secret," he told me, leaning closer. "It is a threat and unless you do what you're told, you're going to die from it. How's that suit you?"

I thought that was humorous on some level since if I refused, it wouldn't _be_ the meteor that killed me, it would be these Turks. "So, I'm to get that rocket ready for launch, then?"

"There, you _can_ learn!" he shot back, smiling. "So, go get your pretty little ass to work!"

"Who's going to fly it, though?" I asked instinctively.

He scoffed at me. "We're just launching it to crash it into the meteor, retard. It's just going to go up on autopilot."

I had to agree that made more sense than sacrificing a pilot. Again, I remembered my promise to Captain Highwind to comply with Shin Ra's requests. If nothing else, I supposed that working on the rocket might help pass the time since sitting around idle wasn't doing me any favors. "All right. I'll get started right away."

"We'll be keeping an eye on you, so don't try anything cute!" The Turk snarked at me, before turning around and swaggering off.

His partner looked at me over the top of his sunglasses before following the other.

After that, the other members of the old project started coming to the rocket and I got to work getting things organized.

I won't tell the captain of all this when he calls tonight since I don't want him to worry about things here. I'm sure he already has enough on his plate.

---------------

Dear Diary,

I'm shocked at how quickly the old project crew and I have gotten this rocket back into working shape. Of course, we did do a lot of restoration a few months ago when we thought that the space program might be reopening. Still, I have to get the autopilot system up and running and then it will be launched.

Those two Turks have been hanging around me an awful lot. They make me incredibly nervous, though. Since I don't trust them not to have gone into the house and have bugged it at some point, I've unplugged the radio and have taken the phone off of the hook. The last thing I would want is for the captain's location and well being to be compromised because they traced a call from him.

I hope he's all right, still.


	18. Chapter 18

Shera's Diary

Chapter 18

Complication

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

Dear Diary,

Pardon my French here, but holy fuck!

It's been quite a ride these last… days? Has it been days? I don't know, it's been a long time, but I haven't slept yet so it seems like just one incredibly long day.

Okay… Let me think for a moment.

It was early in the morning and I got up. I ran some final checks on the rocket and made sure that the autopilot was working one last time. That done, I went into the control room and told Palmer the news.

"Sir, all has checked out with the rocket."

That awful, corpulent man stepped right up to me. "Then I will have one of my engineers give that rocket one last once over, and then we shall launch it!"

The cloud of disgusting stink that clings to him made me want to gag. All I did was nod. Clearly, on some level, they didn't truly trust me.

I was ordered to stay in the control room at that point, and I did, just keeping a vigil close to the control room window, knowing that it would be the last time that I got to see the rocket.

I saw someone in a Shin Ra uniform emerge from the rocket and start toward the control room sometime later. When he entered, he flashed a glare over at me and then went straight to Palmer. "Sir, I have news."

"Well? Get on with it!" the fat man declared.

"I checked all the levels over in the rocket and it looks like Ms. Sakamoto there was trying to pull a fast one." His eyes once more turned to me.

I couldn't believe it! I'd done no such thing! I stood up. "Wait! I--"

I fell silent when a guard present suddenly came over and jabbed the barrel of his rifle against my neck.

"What did she do?" Palmer asked.

The Shin Ra engineer laughed. "She had one of the oxygen tanks under pressurized."

I tried to respond, but couldn't as the gun was pressed against my skin harder.

"The eight tank was supposed to be at 2100psi, but she had ordered it filled to only 1300psi. I've had that corrected, though," the man said, self-satisfied.

I couldn't believe it! It wouldn't have mattered if that tank had been empty all together since the rocket was _supposed_ to go up unmanned. Obviously, this man didn't understand that it was just the life support tank and that it was, in fact, only supposed to be at 1500 or less.

Of all the things to come back and bite me in the ass!

Palmer congratulated the engineer and they started to speak amongst themselves. Since their attention was on one another, they didn't see what I did.

As I continued to look out the window, with the gun still to my throat, I couldn't help but see, to my horror, that the captain and two of his companions from AVALANCHE were sneaking onto the rocket!

Now, the stakes had just been raised. If I had said something to try and get them to stop the captain, he would have been killed. However, letting him get on that rocket with that damn tank over pressurized wasn't going to serve him any better. Not to mention, the autopilot was locked and he wouldn't be able to divert the rocket from a collision course with that meteor!

I had to get away and get onto that rocket myself to either fix that tank or to make sure that the escape pod on the rocket was all systems go, since I'd not bothered to look at it.

After all, it was _supposed_ to be unmanned!

I threw caution to the wind and I…

I spun around and kicked the guard that was holding the rifle to my neck in the testicles.

He folded over like a rag doll and I bolted for the door. I heard some shouts behind me, but then Palmer's voice rang out above them all.

"Let her go! She'll be killed if she gets on that rocket now anyway! Prepare for launch!"

I sprinted across the field and made it all the way to the stairwell that would take me to the entry hatch on the rocket. Thanks to my adrenaline rush, I was able to take that staircase two steps at a time. I passed several unconscious guards on the way. Obviously, the captain had fought his way up, thus clearing the path for me. As I took the final few stairs up, the two Turks that had been casing me since arriving in town came running down.

"Get the fuck outta the way!" the red haired one shrieked as he and his partner forced their way by me. "It's gonna launch, yo!"

Relieved that they weren't concerned with me in the least, I made my way into the rocket. The hatch closed on its own behind me as the launch sequence was initiated. I had made it onboard, but just barely.

I continued to run until I got to the oxygen tanks. I went straight to the number eight one and cursed to myself under my breath.

The idiots _had_ filled it all the way to 2100psi!

I reached out to open the relief valve like I had done the last time, hoping to bleed it to an acceptable pressure.

After five years of being unused, that valve was frozen shut.

Try as I may, I couldn't get it to turn.

I couldn't…

I suddenly felt hopeless, but my thoughts were cut off as I heard the engine fire up behind me and the rocket begin to lurch upward.

Now, I knew I had to get that escape pod working, since that tank was going to blow, either suffocating all of us or destroying the rocket outright.

With the heat already getting intense from the engine, I ran out and over toward the escape pod controls. I got the computer there initiated and started to enter codes like mad, trying to activate it. The rocket had now been pushing upward for several minutes by the time I finally remembered how to activate the escape pod.

That done, I prepared to run back through the engine room and up to the flight deck to get the captain and the others.

Before I got even one step, my worst fear was realized.

There was an ear splitting screech as the eight tank's outer shell failed, quickly followed by the blast of it exploding. The cacophony, along with the change in air pressure, left me stunned and deafened.

The rocket hadn't blown up completely, though. It did, however, mean that we had to get off of it quicker, since the atmospheric pressure inside the craft was now dropping. I crept along the wall, back toward the engine room as best I could. Although my ears were still ringing, I could make out the sound of the rocket's engine cutting off, indicating that we were out of the atmosphere.

To my horror, I heard the captain's voice. "Don't worry 'bout me… Hurry up and go! If you don't hurry, the rocket's gonna crash into the meteor!"

Then came Cloud's voice. "…I can't go without my friends."

I continued to try to get closer to them, still disoriented from the blast.

"You fuckin' moron! No time to worry 'bout other people!" Captain Highwind called out, indicating to me that there was something profoundly wrong.

I shook my head, trying to clear my senses, hearing Cloud's voice one more time, then followed by the captain.

"You're stupid! You're really fuckin' stupid! Tank number eight blew up…" the captain trailed off, his voice then getting quieter as he thought aloud. "So tank number eight… really was malfunctionin'… Shera, you were right… But, this is the end for me."

I managed around the corner and into the engine room, now cooler since the rocket's last stage had been cut. I looked right at the captain, seeing that he was on the floor, crushed beneath a large chunk of the tank. I went right to his side, and spoke, calling him something other than Captain for the first time since we'd met. "Don't say that, Cid."

His eyes, confused and in pain, turned up to me. "Huh? Shera?!"

I smiled down at him, terrified that he might have life threatening injuries. "I tagged along. I came to help you."

In his frustration, he lashed out. "You stupid bitch!"

I just let it slide. I knew he was only upset because I was now in danger as well. His two companions and I grabbed the metal that was laying on him and managed to free him.

The second he was out from under the tank fragment, he looked over at me, looking ashamed. "…sorry."

I just offered him a smile and examined him briefly, seeing that his injuries weren't that severe. Assured that he was not going to die, I got up and motioned for them to follow me. "Hurry, I'm going to detach the escape pod."

They came along behind me and stood there as I put in the final codes to deploy the pod.

Cid stood directly beside me. "Hey, Shera? Does this pod really fly?"

I glanced over my shoulder and offered him a smile. "It'll be okay. I've been checking it until now."

One of those rare, genuine smiles came to the captain's face. "Then I'm relieved."

I felt tears in my eyes. "Thanks."

At that, the entry hatch to the escape pod slid open and we all climbed in, and were jettisoned into space. The captain kept his face right to the window, looking out, talking to himself quietly.

I didn't dare say a word. This was his dream, to be in space, and I didn't wish to interrupt him.

In the distance, the rocket collided with the meteor, but failed to destroy it. The mission had been in vain.

The captain would have lost his life for nothing had I not done what I needed to do.

Several minutes passed, and the escape pod began to reenter the atmosphere. I couldn't help but be afraid in that moment. We just seemed so helpless.

I leaned forward in my seat and covered my face with my hands, just wanting the ride to be over. Before long, though, I felt Captain Highwind's arms around me, holding me to him as we continued our decent.

He whispered reassurance to me as the pod shook violently. I buried my face into his flight jacket and tuned out all that was happening. I decided that as long as I was with him, I was all right with whatever happened.

Not long after, the pod's parachute deployed and our plummet was slowed until we finally splashed into the ocean.

Finally down and feeling safe, I sat up and looked into the captain's eyes.

He looked back at me, offering me a smile. "Shera… really, thanks."

"I'd do anything for you, like I've always said," I replied quietly.

Cloud took it upon himself to open the hatch to the escape pod and radio for the _Highwind_ to come and pick us up.

In the two hours that we had to wait for our rescue, the captain never let go of me. We didn't say anything else to one another.

We didn't need to.

All doubts about the past had just been righted.

When the airship arrived, we were taken onboard. Captain Highwind went straight to the bridge, taking me along with him.

"Shera, I'm gonna get you back to Rocket, okay?" he said to me as he placed his hands on the controls.

I nodded. As much as I didn't want to be separated from him, I knew that he still had things that he and the others needed to do. "All right."

"Hey…" he said to me after several minutes.

I turned away from the view window and looked over my shoulder at him. "Yes, Sir?"

He laughed a little to himself. "For one, don't you feel like you gotta call me Sir or Captain anymore. I… I kinda liked it back there when y'all called me Cid."

I blushed openly and had to smile. "All right then, Cid."

"Good deal," he said back, before looking down that the controls for a moment. "You know what? When this is all done, Shera… I uh…"

I stepped a little closer. "Yes?"

He looked over at me, locking me into his gaze. "I'm gonna teach ya… how to fly."

There was something in his tone in that moment… something that… I couldn't help but wonder if that had just been a metaphor for something else?

Whatever the case, I felt tears in my eyes. "I would love that, Cid."

He seemed to blush then and turned his attention back to flying.

An hour later, we were back close to the house in Rocket. To our relief, everyone involved with Shin Ra seemed to have already abandoned the town.

The captain… or should I just say Cid, landed the ship and walked me to the door. "I wish I could stay a while, Shera, but…"

I nodded. "You've got to go and save the world, it's all right."

His mouth opened as though he wanted to say something further, but then he rethought it and reached out, pulling me to him quickly.

I was caught off guard and gasped in surprise as he placed his lips against mine, his hands gripping tightly at my back. I closed my eyes and melted against him.

This was my first real kiss and I submitted to him fully, my breath caught in my throat as he invaded my mouth for a few moments.

When he finally pulled away, I was literally weak at the knees and I stood there, speechless.

"I'll be back as soon as I can, all right?" he said, his own face marked with color.

"Y…yes, C…Cid…" I stuttered back, feeling like I could die happy at the time.

Cid then gave me one more smile before turning and running back toward the airship. Before he boarded, he waved at me one last time. Shortly thereafter, the _Highwind_ was back in the air.

I wonder, now, if perhaps Cid actually does feel something for me? Maybe he was just caught up in the moment after all we'd just been through.

Maybe, but I don't think so.


	19. Chapter 19

Shera's Diary

Chapter 19

Surprise

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

(...and a thanks to Cythen for picking out my typos and such so that I can get them fixed in a timely manner.)

Dear Diary,

It's been several days since the rocket and Cid's departure again. The meteor still hangs in the sky, but it's much lower on the horizon now. The news has finally admitted that it's on a collision course for Midgar. People have been told to evacuate, but as is so often the case with human stubbornness in these situations, they aren't getting out. It's estimated that over 85 percent of the people in Midgar are still there, having some misguided faith that Shin Ra is going to do something for them.

We can thank the news for that, since they keep reporting that the company is feverishly searching for a solution.

People can be incredibly stupid, sometimes. And, if the company or AVALANCHE doesn't find a way to stop it? Oh, I'm sure there will be a public outcry.

Come on, people! Get your families out of there! You have plenty of warning! It's just so… frustrating.

I've plugged the radio back in since Shin Ra no longer has a presence in Rocket. The ca-- Cid, has taken to calling every night again, just to ask how I am and to let me know that he's still kicking.

I'm so worried about him.

I can't get that kiss out of my mind, either. I wonder if he was just wrapped up in all the emotion about losing the rocket, seeing space, and all that, or if he did it simply out of some sort of sentiment for me?

--------------------

Dear Diary,

I couldn't sleep last night. I was restless, more so than I've been.

Cid didn't radio, and not having heard his voice and having that reassurance that he was still amongst the living fold, made any meaningful rest impossible for me.

It was about four in the morning when I heard something outside of my bedroom window. There had been a sound, like something tapping on the glass that got my attention. Startled and afraid, I got to my knees and lifted up the edge of the curtain to see what was out there. Lately, there has been an influx of creatures around the town, most of which seem quite vicious. Thus, the first thought on my mind was that one of those beasts was outside of the house.

When I peeked out, there was something looking right back at me that made a startled screech when I yelped in fear. It quickly ducked out of sight and I heard it run around the side of the house toward the door.

I grew even more afraid, since I couldn't remember locking the door before bed. Not knowing what else to do, I ran from my room and into Cid's. I pulled his grandfather's spear off of the wall and headed toward the front door with it clutched in my grip. It was the only weapon that I knew of in the house and even though I wasn't versed in fighting, I supposed that if motivated enough, I'd learn very quickly how to use it.

I got to the front door and gathered the last of my courage. I saw that it was slightly ajar, indicating that I hadn't locked it, nor even shut it properly.

Drawing in one last breath and trying to steel myself, I kicked open the door and charged out onto the porch. I found myself face to face with…

A chocobo?

So much for a terrifying monster.

With my hand still shaking in my anxiety, I reached out and stroked the bird's neck. I saw that he was bridled and wearing a saddle. "I thought you were something that came along to eat me."

I heard the distinct flick of a lighter and then heard a very familiar, drawling voice.

"Y'all ain't got nothin' to be scared of. I ain't known 'em to eat people so far."

I dropped the spear that I was still supporting with my left hand to the ground and I spun to see Cid leaning against the side of the house, smirking at me. "Cid!"

He straightened up and walked up to me. "Howdy, Shera."

I was confused, to say the least. "What are you doing here?"

"We all decided to take… a lil' break," he said, pulling the cigarette from his lips and flicking some ashes to the ground.

"But that meteor! It's so close! I mean…" I was glad he was home, I truly was, but I wondered how they could be doing this.

He reached out and placed a hand on my shoulder. "I know, but we've got seven days before impact. It was…generally agreed last night that we would take two days off."

Looking up at him in the dim light, I asked. "Why?"

"We talked about it, and there were those on the ship that felt like they had things they needed to do before we went in to face off with Sephiroth. One guy wanted to see his daughter, another wished to go back to Wutai. I mean, just in case we failed, we all wanted to see family and what not one more time. Mostly, though, it was for all of us to take a minute to remember what it is we all are fightin' for." His hand slid from my shoulder and gripped my upper arm. It dropped away from me completely after a few seconds, and he let his gaze fall to the ground.

I nodded slightly, seeing that he suddenly looked a little uncomfortable. I opted to change the subject for just a moment. "Where's the airship?"

He finished his cigarette and went over, dropping it in the old coffee can that was forever on the porch. "North of here. Sorta parked it central to where all've us needed to go. I rode that damn bird here from there."

"Oh… well, you should probably get his saddle and such off of him," I said quietly, seeing that the bird was now trying to graze out on the lawn.

Cid nodded to me and then went over and did just that. He threw the bird's things down on the porch and stepped right up to me again. "Think there's any chance I can get a little tea? It's damn cold out."

The fact that I was cold from being out in my pajamas finally sank in and I had to agree that it seemed like a good idea. I moved to pick up the spear from the ground beside me, but Cid claimed it first.

"You were really gonna pike the bird with this?" he laughed.

"Well… I thought it was a monster or some such. I didn't know what else I could have used." I opened the door and stepped into the house.

"Goddamned, Shera. There is a shotgun in my closet, for future reference." He propped the spear up in the corner of the kitchen and I went to get the water heating for the tea.

A few minutes later, we were sitting at the kitchen table, across from one another. Finally, feeling like he didn't have anything else to hide now that the fight was almost over, he proceeded to spill to me all the events of the past several weeks.

The tale didn't end until well after the sun had crested the horizon. Then, with the morning light coming in through the window, I could appreciate how tired he looked.

"Cid, why don't you go rest for a while," I suggested quietly, reaching across the table and taking his hand.

He nodded, clearly agreeing. "Yeah… a few hours in my own bed would be real damn nice right about now. You just make sure to not let me sleep too long. If this is the last time I'm gonna get to be home, I don't wanna sleep through the whole fuckin' thing."

I suddenly felt the sting of tears in my eyes.

He had doubts that he was going to survive.

That notion broke my heart and try as I may, I couldn't contain myself. "Cid…"

Seeming to realize what had just run through my mind, he got up and came around the table, pulling me up from my seat and into his arms. He held me in his strong embrace, rocking me slowly. "Shera… I'm gonna give this every fuckin' thing I got. I wanna get out of this alive, with the planet saved. That's truly what I intend to do. I don't want you to think otherwise, okay?"

I managed a muffled response to his words, but the tears still fell.

He sighed and took my hand, leading me back to his room. After pulling his curtains closed to block out the morning light, he turned back to me. "I've had y'all up since an ungodly hour. Why don't ya just take a nap with me?"

Knowing that I couldn't pass up the chance to sleep close to him just one more time, I readily agreed. I crawled onto his bed and then sat there, waiting for him.

Cid offered me a faint smirk and then pulled off his shirt, tossing it over to the floor.

I couldn't help but gasp. His body was bruised and cut in several places. It looked like he'd been through Hell. "Cid… my God…"

He shrugged and got to work on his belt and pants. "It looks worse than it is. I'm all right, Shera."

I looked away for a moment, not wishing to stare as he got down to just his boxers. A moment later, I felt him sit on his side of the bed and then lay down. I laid back as well, turning my head to gaze at him.

He was looking right back at me. "Don't be afraid, you know I ain't gonna get weird."

With that, I couldn't help but laugh a little to myself and I rolled onto my side and scooted closer to him, until I felt him spooned up against my back, and his arm draped over my waist.

I knew this was something I could get very used to if fate permitted.

I then thought about the kiss we'd shared before his last departure. I couldn't help but ask him about it, but before the first word escaped me, I could hear him quietly snoring behind me.

I somehow wasn't surprised. It seemed like fate was determined to keep me guessing about what was really going on between us.

Soon, I was out, too, and I slept for close to four hours before I awoke. I slipped out of bed at that point and got something in the oven. Now that I've written this, I'll go wake him up and serve him his very late breakfast.


	20. Chapter 20

Shera's Diary

Chapter 20

Confession

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

Dear Diary,

Poor Cid.

Even though I let him sleep until nearly one this afternoon, it wasn't even ten thirty tonight before he fell asleep in his chair, watching television. I've covered him with a blanket, and am sitting on the couch, unwilling to get any further away from him. I suppose that when I've finished writing this, I'll get him up and into bed.

When I woke him up this afternoon and got him into the kitchen to eat, he sat there in silence. I felt that there was something different about him. He wasn't being quiet because he was mad or in any sort of bad mood whatsoever. Cid was just… different. Contemplative…

After that, we went into the family room and just sat. He watched a few of his favorite movies, and drank some beer. Usually, even on the best of days, I could count on at least one explosion of frustration or anger from him about something, but there was just… nothing.

I couldn't help but ask him when we retreated back into the kitchen for dinner if everything was all right.

Cid just nodded, keeping his eyes on his food. "Yeah, I'm just… tired."

I knew that wasn't the case. I mean, sure, I knew he was tired, but that had never kept him this silent before. "Oh… it just seems like you've got something on your mind."

"I _am_ sorta in the middle of tryin' to save the world," he replied quietly, with a laugh.

"I would imagine that's quite a burden," I said, and despite the dire circumstances, I smiled.

"You'd think…" He fell silent again for several moments while he finished eating and then pushed back his plate. His hands wrapped around the cup of tea he had. "You can tell when I'm full of shit, can't ya?"

"There are times, yes, when I know you're not being entirely open with me." I got up and took our plates over to the sink before bringing the cake I'd made for dessert over to the table.

His eyes lit up momentarily and he immediately cut himself a large piece. "I been cravin' this forever."

"You do seem to have an affinity for it, I've noticed. You took the last one I made you back onto the airship. I had to buy a new cake pan thanks to that." I smiled broadly.

"Guilty as charged." He took another break from the conversation as he devoured his cake and then cut another piece.

I just watched him as he proceeded to have a total of four pieces. I don't know how he can eat that much of it without getting sick.

"Yeah, well… anyway, it ain't just the mission on my mind," he nearly whispered.

"Is that so?" I wondered what it was.

Those wonderful blue eyes of his came up to meet mine. "Since that rocket launch and… seein' that you really were right about that eight tank… To be real honest, I've felt like shit. The way I've treated ya all these years… Why didn't ya ever just tell me to go fuck myself? Why put up with it when you knew, you _knew_, Shera, that you were right?"

"I felt that it was my responsibility to have found that mistake long before the launch so that it could have been fixed ahead of time. It was _my_ failure," I answered honestly. Since we were on the subject of the past, I couldn't help but ask my own questions that I'd kept buried for five years. "I think the better question is why did you, believing that I'd ruined your dream, still… look over me when I was evicted and living in my car? I know it was you, Cid, that covered my back window after it was broken out, that had left me that money and those sandwiches, that fought off Gregory when he attacked me, and that…"

"That what?" he asked leaning forward onto the table.

"I found my sleeping pills in your medicine cabinet. You took them out of my car…" My voice failed me at that point.

He knit his brow and dropped his gaze back to the table's surface. "Yeah, it was all me, Shera."

"Why?"

Cid tensed his jaw and took a deep breath. "I liked ya. I sorta had… started to feel like there was somethin' between us before the launch and even with as fuckin' pissed off as I was afterward, I just couldn't write you off completely. I wanted to, but I just couldn't. I found myself walkin' past that car on my way home from the bar every night since I took to drinkin' real heavy that first few weeks. You didn't deserve all the shit that fell on ya then so I just… I did what I felt like I had to do."

I watched as he suddenly blushed horribly. I reached over and took a hold of one of his hands. "Cid?"

"I knew I had to take those pills… You left that Goddamned diary you write in on the passenger seat and I read it though the window. I saw that you intended to kill yourself… I couldn't let that happen so I stole 'em." He looked up at me sheepishly.

There was so much that he'd just said in those last few statements, that I was forced silent for a moment as I absorbed it all. I blushed myself when I realized that he'd read my diary. However, it was the fact that he said he felt like there was something happening between us before the launch that caused my heart to leap into my throat. "Cid… if the launch had gone as planned and you'd survived… what do you think would have happened?"

Cid shrugged a little. "I was… kinda thinkin' that I'd try goin' for a real relationship with ya if you'd been interested. I wasn't sure if you were just so nice to me, though, because we were friends or if y'all really liked me like that."

"I would have definitely been interested," I confessed, feeling my cheeks literally burn.

He nodded. "After the launch failed, sure, I was mad but I still… I never woulda let you into my home… I never woulda let you stay here for all these years if… I mean… I'm tryin' to…"

I tightened my grip on his hand. "Cid… you don't have to say anything that you don't want."

Cid had a faintly angry expression pass behind his eyes, but then it faded and he locked into my gaze again. "Shera, I love ya, I always have."

I stopped breathing and felt like I was about to fall out of my chair.

There it was. There was no more wondering about what he meant with what he said nor with what his gestures toward me symbolized.

I suddenly felt like an idiot for not having known all along. "C…Cid…"

"Well… I shoulda said it five fuckin' years ago. I shoulda told ya before the original launch in case I'd died so you woulda known. I shoulda said it afterward. I shoulda said it before I ended up with AVALANCHE. I shoulda said it when ya saved my life again on that fuckin' rocket. I shoulda… I shoulda said it the last time I was here in case anythin' had happened to me…" There was a look of pain upon his face. Captain Cid Highwind had just humbled himself completely.

The thing was? I think deep down, on some level, I _had_ known. In a way, he had said it with the things he'd done. "You showed it, though."

"I'll never forgive myself for the Hell I've put you through, Shera. Never." I could have sworn there was a hint of tears in his eyes.

"It's all right, Cid." I reached over with my other hand as well, now holding both of his.

"No, it ain't. I've wasted these five years, Shera. Now, the world might end and we don't got the damn time for shit." He looked away from me.

"You're not going to fail. You and the others will win this, I believe it completely. Then afterward… we can take things from there." I couldn't believe any of this was happening.

He nodded to himself, drawing in a shaking breath. "You… you said you woulda been interested if I'd asked ya to try a relationship with me five years ago. You… you meanin' to say you still feel that way?"

I couldn't help myself and I got up from my seat and went around the table. I went right up behind him and bent down, leaning against his back and placing my arms around his neck, resting my chin on his left shoulder. "I think you know the answer to that."

He laughed a little to himself, and brought his left hand up and placed it on my arms. "Shera…"

"I don't want you to worry about anything, Cid," I said quietly, trying to contain my happiness for his sake. I know that he doesn't like emotional moments. "Look, it's almost nine now, and that movie you wanted to watch is about to come on. Go in the family room and I'll bring you another cup of tea, okay?"

Cid nodded to himself and got up. He kissed me on the cheek before retreating into the family room.

Alone for a moment, I…

I did a brief happy dance as I waited for the water for his tea to heat.

I know, the world is in danger of ending but right now? I don't much care about that.

Cid loves me.

He really, honestly _loves_ me!

Everything that I'd been through in the last five years had been worth it, it truly had!

When the water was hot, I made his tea and took it out to him. I then sat on the couch and just watched as he enjoyed his movie.

Cid would look over at me frequently. I didn't say much to him because I knew that he was trying to cope with all that had just been revealed between the two of us. I've learned, over the years, that when he's muddling through something, he's best left to himself.

Sure, in my fantasy world all these years, he would confess his love for me and then carry me off to bed. I knew, though, that this was how it would really happen if it did.

He would fess up finally, and then feel all self-conscious about it for a day or two before daring to make any sort of real move at all.

Sadly, we don't have several days. We have until tomorrow when he has to go back.

Like I said in the beginning of this entry-- he's now asleep in his chair.

Time to get him into his bed.

(Sorry I took a few days off there. Merry Christmas for the Christians, Happy Holidays for the others, or… just sit around and be miserable if you're a Witness. Tomorrow, on Christmas Day, I turn 31. Cripes.)


	21. Chapter 21

Shera's Diary

Chapter 21

Departure

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

Dear Diary,

Let's see…

I roused Cid from his sleep in the chair after my last entry and got him to his bed. He asked if I would stay with him again, and I naturally did. Nothing happened, though.

We just slept.

This morning, I got up and prepared his breakfast. He appeared at the kitchen table right on cue at seven. We ate, and nothing much was said between us. It seems like he's still muddling through his confession from yesterday.

And, that's all right with me.

I know, now, that he does really care and that's honestly enough for me.

Do I wish that… Oh Lord, I can't even write it but yes, I wish that things between us could go to… another level before he has to leave again today. I know that if nothing else, though, Captain Cid Highwind takes his time to get around to things and he'll have to save the world before he and I ever... if we ever…

I'm so embarrassed, I'm making myself blush just thinking about it.

It's time to make lunch.

---------------

Dear Diary,

Time is too short sometimes. It drags when you don't want it to, and when you wish things would last just a little bit longer…

It just falls through your fingers like water.

He left again.

I got his lunch served up and he ate well, but when he was finished, he looked over at me. "Shera…"

"Yes?" I said back, already knowing what he was about to say to me.

"I gotta get goin'." His voice was flat in that moment, lifeless.

Nodding, I got up and went around the table. "Cid… I know you can't promise me anything, but…"

He smiled as my words trailed off and he got up as well, pulling me in for an embrace. "I'm gonna make it through this. That's the only way I get to be with ya, right?"

I nodded again, this time, with my head against his chest.

"Well then, I'll do it. Hell, I've beaten the odds this far," he said, almost with a laugh.

"Just… be careful," I squeaked out.

Cid held me for several more minutes, and I could hear his heart racing within the whole while. Eventually, he stepped back from me, grabbed his coat from the back of his chair and took my hand. He led me to the front yard and I stood idly by as he got his bird saddled up.

When that was done, he waved me over and I went to his side. He tossed the cigarette he'd been working on to the ground and took me into his arms again. I closed my eyes and held on for all I was worth, dreading that it might be the last time I ever touched him.

Still keeping me close, he spoke quietly. "Now, y'all are gonna stay in that house until I get back, right? God knows what sorta shit's gonna fall from the sky in the next few days."

"Okay," I managed.

He looked down at me and leaned closer, until our lips met in what was just our second kiss. This time, it seemed to last just a little longer than before, and I am in no way complaining.

When he finally stepped back, he offered me a smile and a nod before turning and getting on that chocobo he'd ridden home.

I clasped my hands together before my chest, praying silently that he would be all right as he rode away. There were tears upon my cheeks, and I was shaking, not only in fear, but as a result of that kiss, too.

He stopped the bird just a short distance away and turned back to look at me. "Shera?"

I gazed at him, trying to hide my crying. "Yes?"

"I love ya," he said, barely audible.

I broke into a wide smile at that. "I love you, too, Cid."

Once more, he gave that curt nod of his. "Oh, and one other thing…"

"Yes?"

That trademark smirk of his came to his lips and I think he may have blushed slightly. "Remember when I told y'all I was gonna teach ya to fly?"

I nodded.

"I meant it…" He turned back around in the saddle and let the bird take a few more steps before stopping again. This time, he didn't turn to face me, but he spoke one last time. "When I get home, I'm gonna make ya an honest woman and we'll get to makin' them kids we were talkin' about a while ago."

I about fell over at that and then he got his bird to trot off down the road.

Make me an honest woman?

What in the hell does that mean?

I guess I'll have to wait until he comes back home again.

Please, God, let him be safe…


	22. Chapter 22

Shera's Diary

Chapter 22

Anomaly

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

Dear Diary,

It was absolutely impossible to sleep last night. I'm too scared over what might be happening to Cid. I sat up and just watched the television. The newscast said that there were still many people in Midgar, despite the impending disaster. They said that some have opted to send their children to the outskirts, but have stayed themselves.

I foresee a lot of orphans in the near future if the world doesn't end.

…and that's a big _if_.

So, I sat and I watched, I watched and I prayed. I prayed for Cid, I prayed for his friends. I prayed for the people too stubborn to leave Midgar. I prayed for the children that had.

There wasn't much else that I could do, really.

Then, at around four thirty this morning…

The television went dead. All the channels.

I went to the radio and heard a report saying that there were now vortices spiraling down from that meteor, and that they were ripping up the upper plate of Midgar. That, in turn, had destroyed the television transmitters there, thus ending the signal.

So, it has begun.

It's now almost noon as I'm writing this. The radio reports are getting more frantic. There are now tales of a mass exodus of people out of Midgar. Only now do they realize the foolishness of having stayed there so long. The problem is? The town only has a few ways out and now they're so crowded with people…

God, I don't even want to think about it…

----------

Dear Diary,

It's almost midnight.

The radio is now dead.

There's so much interference in the atmosphere from that meteor that all signals are completely garbled. If I felt alone before, now I feel completely abandoned. Not even the short wave radio to the airship is responding in the least.

I always wondered how I would feel if I really thought I was going to die from something out of my control.

Now, in that moment, seeing the world falling apart around me…

No… I don't truly believe I'm going to die. I can't… because if I die, that means that Cid failed.

Somehow, I know he won't fail.

Perhaps that's some sort of primitive coping mechanism in a dire circumstance? To hold onto whatever hope you can to keep from panicking? That could be but…

I don't think so.

I'm honestly calm inside now. I have been since about… four this afternoon. I could, off handedly, blame it on the fatigue of being up for two days. Still… there's just something inside of me that says everything is going to be all right. Despite what my outward senses are telling me.

Cid won't let me down.

He never has.

-------------

Dear Diary,

Two thirty in the morning…

I was standing out on the porch, looking at the sky. The whole thing, in the darkness, had taken on a strange red glow. As I watched, though, there was a bright flash from the north, and what looked like a pillar of fire shot up into the sky. From the top of that, streaked away something that looked so tiny to me at this distance…

I have no idea what it was, but it caught my attention.

That eruption from the north, though, it fell back downward, adding a white glow to the horizon in that direction. There seemed to be a change in the air after a while, and then the strangest thing that I have ever seen began to take place.

In the sky, all around, came these green tendrils through the atmosphere. They interlaced with one another, all heading west toward Midgar. I walked out onto the grass and couldn't help but notice as faint green wisps were coming up out of the ground all around. Those tiny, ghost like strands, looking like nothing more than Cid's cigarette smoke, drifted upward, joining the other streams of energy in the sky. Lifestream… it's the Lifestream itself.

The planet is doing something on it's own behalf. I can't possibly know what…

--------------

Dear Diary,

It's five in the morning now.

The sky is black.

No more Lifestream… no more red to the west, white to the north.

It's just complete and absolute darkness. Sunrise will be at seven fifteen this morning. Part of me wonders if even that will pierce this veil. There's not even any sound out.

It's incredibly eerie.

The fact that I've been up for two days straight is sinking in. I'm going to go lie down for a while and try to get some rest. I hope Cid won't mind, but I'm going to try sleeping in his bed. I can't stand the thought of being in mine right now.

I just want him home right now.


	23. Chapter 23

Shera's Diary

Chapter 23

Humility

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

Dear Diary,

Praise God in Heaven.

By the time I got in bed this morning, it was almost six. The sun was just beginning to brighten the eastern sky. Although I had doubted that I would be able to sleep, my exhaustion won out and got the better of me. Not only did I fall asleep, but it was such an incredibly profound sleep that an earthquake couldn't have roused me.

Nor the landing of an incredibly massive airship.

Subconsciously, I did hear it, and that roar and shaking was incorporated into my dream that, lamely, involved the clothes washer malfunctioning and chasing me though the damn house!

Fatigue can do some strange things to the mind, that's for sure.

However, when I heard the front door to the house open, I did wake up because it wasn't something my mind could interpret as anything other than what it was.

Cid _had_ to be home.

My heart raced and I woke up instantly, practically leaping out of the bed. It was ten in the morning. I ran out of the bedroom and into the hall and then, at the other end of it…

Cid walked into my line of vision.

I began to cry in my happiness, and ran to him, but just as I reached him, he lurched forward and collapsed.

I caught him as best that I could, but ended up just being pulled to the floor with him.

I cradled him in my arms and looked down into his horribly drawn face. "Cid?!"

His eyes were barely open, bloodshot and spent. "Shera… I'm home…"

It was then that I looked at his body as I held him. His clothes were horribly tattered, and worse, bloodstained. "Oh God, Cid…"

"I'm… just tired…" he whispered to me, too proud to admit that he was horribly hurt.

I remembered how he had never once flinched or acted like he was in pain from any injury I had ever seen him take, so for him to be this completely devastated, I panicked. Not knowing what else to do, I struggled up to my feet and then did my best to get him up off of the ground.

It took all that I had to haul him up from the floor and I half carried, half pulled him into the bedroom. Once inside, he managed to climb onto his side of the bed, before just collapsing against the mattress.

I knew I had to get his clothes off of him to see how badly he was injured. First, I managed to pull his jacket off. The poor man cooperated as best he could, and we got his shirt off, too.

It was then that I saw what was really wrong with him. Just his torso alone showed multiple severe injuries. Bruises, lash marks, and lacerations, the worst of which started on his left side and wrapped around his stomach. It was terrifyingly deep and I was sure that he had just _barely_ escaped evisceration. "Cid… I need to call the doctor…"

Normally, he was too proud to accept such help but this time, he offered no resistance, only opening one eye slightly, and then closing it again.

I picked up the phone on his nightstand, and immediately called the town's doctor. He quickly agreed to make a house call and I left Cid's side for just a moment to make some tea for him. Just as I was about to go to the bedroom with his drink, the doctor arrived. I led him back to Cid's bedside.

The doctor quickly assessed his injuries, and I set the cup of tea on the nightstand.

"Ms. Sakamoto," the doctor said to me, cutting away the remains of Cid's fatigue pants, leaving him in just his boxers, "I'm going to have to give the captain multiple sutures for these wounds. You may wish to leave."

I nodded slightly, prepared to go, until I saw Cid's eyes both open and land on me.

"Shera… don't…" he managed out, his voice dry. "Stay…"

The fact that he was so brave as to face all the things in his life that he had, only now to be seemingly afraid of being sewn up, touched something within me. I climbed up onto the bed, and sat next to where Cid was laying. He offered me a smile and took my hand before closing his eyes again.

The doctor got to work then, but I didn't watch what he was doing, since it made me a little queasy simply to be there. Instead, I kept my eyes focused on Cid's face, seeing him occasionally grimace as the doctor worked.

It took nearly two and a half hours for the doctor to finish suturing and bandaging Cid's injuries. When he was done, he pulled off his latex gloves and tossed them into the bedside trashcan.

I looked over as the doctor gathered his things. "…I…is he going to be all right?"

The doctor nodded and pulled out two vials of pills that he set on the nightstand. "As long as he takes those antibiotics for three weeks and doesn't over do it, he'll be right as rain. The other pills are for the pain, but I know what kind of proud man he is and I suppose he won't take them."

At that, Cid mumbled something to the effect of, "That's Goddamned right…"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at that and I got off the bed, and saw the doctor to the door. He told me that he would be back to check Cid's injuries and change the bandages in two days.

As if there's a cold chance in Hell that Cid won't have the bandages ripped off of himself by then.

In any event, I returned to the bedroom and went right over to his side. The tea I'd brought at the doctor's arrival was stone cold and I picked up the cup to go warm it, but Cid reached out and grabbed my arm. "Where're ya takin'…that…?"

"It's cold, Cid," I said quietly.

"Cold tea sounds real good right now, though…" he replied weakly, trying to sit up.

I instantly sat beside him and got an arm beneath him. Doing the best I could, I got the cup to his lips and he drank. It didn't take long, though, before he was too worn out to drink anymore and I laid him back down.

Knowing that he needed to sleep, I went over to the window and closed the curtains to block out the afternoon light, for which I received a grateful grunt.

"C'mere…"

I turned to see that his left arm was raised up and I walked over, getting on the bed and laying at his left side, taking that hand within my own. "I'm so glad you're all right…"

"Saved the world…" Cid whispered, "all of us… We did it… that fuckin' thing is gone… ain't gonna hit the planet after all."

"I knew you'd do it," I said back quietly, rolling onto my side to look at him.

Even now, as beat up and tired as he was, he was the most wonderful thing I have ever lain eyes upon.

He produced a faint smile. "Well, it's what I had to do to get me to this."

I remained silent, not knowing what to say and recognizing this rare and gentle tone from him.

"I wasn't put on this planet to ride that rocket into space…" he said, his head lulling to the side and his eyes cracking open and looking at me, "nor to save the damn world…"

Still, I kept quiet. I didn't dare interrupt him, since there was clearly something behind his eyes.

"None of that crossed my mind. Not a damn bit of it. All I could think of durin' the whole fuckin' fight was gettin' back home to my Shera." With that, his hand tightened around mine.

I felt tears fall from my eyes. "Cid… all I thought of was you getting home…"

"So, I guess that means y'all weren't brought to Rocket to just work on the damn space program after all, ne?" His lips curled into a tired and lopsided smile.

"I've… hoped for a long time that maybe I was brought to Rocket just to be with you," I whispered back.

"Well… I think that's fair enough to say at this point. Now, I'm fuckin' tired and no offense, but you look pretty Goddamned spent, too." His eyes slowly closed again.

"I am."

Before anymore was said, we were both asleep.

He had saved the world.

---------------

Dear Dairy,

I woke up to see that it had gotten all the way to seven in the evening. Poor Cid was still sound asleep next to me and I got up quietly and went out into the kitchen, knowing that I had to get something for him to eat. I just made soup and tea, figuring that it might just be the easiest thing for him to get down for now.

Once that was ready, I took it into the bedroom, and turned on the lamp. He stirred from his sleep reluctantly, but soon, his hunger got the better of him and he sat up. I just watched quietly as he had his dinner, the very act of breathing still seeming to take a great effort on his part. I did get him to take some of the antibiotics that the doctor had left, but as I suspected, he refused the pain medication.

He didn't argue about it, he just would not take them. When he was done eating, he made the short journey to the bathroom and then just back into the bed. Within a short while, Cid was asleep again.

I myself am still relatively tired, so I figure that I will stay up to about eleven or so, and then I will go back to sleep as well, so that I can get up and get him some breakfast in the morning.

----------------

Dear Diary,

Five years I've been around this man and never will he cease to amaze me.

Yesterday, he seemed on the verge of death.

This morning, his alarm clock went off at six in the morning.

Six, I will say again.

I was facing away from him and just suspected that it had gotten flipped on accidentally somehow. I made no move and within five seconds, I heard him reach over and turn it off. I prepared to go back to sleep at that moment, but Cid groaned loudly beside me and I felt the bed move as he got up.

_All right_, I thought to myself_, he's probably just going to the bathroom. I'll give it a little longer before I go out and start breakfast._

That wasn't it, though. Soon, I heard the shower running. Now, I knew the doctor had ordered Cid not to get his bandages wet, and yet there he was, apparently going ahead and taking a shower. I knew I was in no position to stop him if that's what he wanted to do, so I just rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling, trying to get myself to wake up.

I heard the shower turn off after several minutes and the bathroom door opened. It was still fairly dark in the room since the sun wasn't quite up and the curtains were drawn, but I still watched as Cid walked from the bathroom and over to his closet.

Wearing absolutely nothing.

I about died and quickly closed my eyes.

I'd never seen him completely undressed before and I found myself blushing horribly, but I just tried to pretend to be asleep. After all, I figured he had only done that because for one, he was too tired and sore to care, and secondly, he probably supposed that I was still asleep.

Battered and beaten or not, he's an incredible specimen. I've often wondered how he can maintain such a physique without working out… I mostly had just seen his back as he walked, but… damn.

Either way, he disappeared into his walk in closet, and I heard him rustling around inside for quite a while. Still, I feigned sleep and eventually, I heard him reemerge from within and go back into the bathroom.

Soon followed the sounds of him brushing his teeth and doing other things. He even took the time to shave, which seemed really odd, all things considered. Then, I heard him walk back out, around the bed, open the curtains, and then sit beside me. "Shera…"

I opened my eyes and looked at him, instantly shocked. "Oh my God… Cid?"

I sat up, disbelieving what I was seeing. He had cleaned himself all up and he was wearing his dress uniform from back when he was in the Air Force. I'd never once seen him dressed up at all, and it was quite a surprise.

"Time to get up, we got shit to do today," he said simply, offering me a smile.

Instantly, a fear cropped up in my mind. "Cid… you didn't accidentally take too many of those pain killers the doctor gave you, did you? I mean… you're still too hurt to be doing anything and… why are you wearing that?"

His expression indicated that I had missed something obvious. "Because I ain't got a suit and I hate tuxes. Get your ass up and put on somethin' nice. For the record, I ain't had none of them pills, either. Need my mind clear today."

I just stared at him.

Cid got up and headed for the door to the bedroom.

I got to my feet and decided to protest. This was all just unacceptable considering his condition. "Cid! You get back in bed right now!"

He stopped with his hand on the bedroom door, and slowly turned back to face me. "You're jokin', right?"

"You're too sick to be doing whatever it is you're thinking of doing right now!" I said, trying to sound somewhat authoritative to him for once.

"I told you that when I got home, I was gonna make you an honest woman, now let's go get shit taken care of!" he shot back, seeming somewhat annoyed.

"What does that even mean?" I crossed my arms over my chest and stood my ground. His antiquated sayings didn't always make the most sense to a born and bred city girl like myself.

His expression absolutely fell, and his hand fell away from the door and back to his side. "Shera… It means I wanna marry ya."

I suddenly felt like a moron. "R…right now? Today?"

"You got a better time in mind?" he asked, one of his eyebrows quirking.

"N…no, I just… this is awfully sudden…" I managed to get out before…

Before I lapsed into a moment of tunnel vision, my ears started ringing and then…

Well, there wasn't much of an "And then" because apparently, I'd passed out.

Next thing I knew, I was lying on the floor beside the bed, my head pounding and feeling myself cradled in Cid's arms, being shaken gently.

"Shera?!"

My eyes opened, and I found myself looking up at him. "Cid…"

"Goddamn, woman, you just dropped like a rock there! Scared the shit outta me!" His face betrayed the fact that he was honestly worried.

The haze in my mind started to clear and I sat up slowly, still feeling dizzy. "M…marry me right now?"

"Shera… you get stupid over the last few months?" he quipped back, his tone indicating that he was joking and not meaning to offend me at all.

"No, I'm sorry, it just caught me out in left field." With that, I managed to get back to my feet.

"…you do want to, right?" he asked, suddenly sounding unsure.

"Of course I do!" I replied, watching as he stood back up as well.

Cid offered me a nod. "All right, then. Go get dressed. Look… I know you probably wanted some big fancy weddin' but… I just want us to be hitched. If I had to wait any longer before we did anythin' else, I ain't sure I'd make it."

I felt a blush come to my cheeks. "…if you're talking about sex, what difference does it make if you've already done it before?"

The color absolutely drained from his face and his mouth opened for a moment, but he said nothing.

My blush got even worse then, as I wondered if I'd just screwed up and assumed incorrectly. "Cid?"

He went over and sat on the edge of the bed, hanging his head. "Shera, I lied…"

"What?" I went over and knelt on the floor in front of him.

"…I lied." His eyes came up and met mine, his expression full of shame.

I was horribly confused, and I'm sure it showed. "Cid?"

"I did go home with four different women back in the day like I said, but each time…" his voice trailed off and he looked to the floor again.

I reached out and placed a hand on his leg. "Each time what?"

"I…" He paused for a moment, and shut his eyes. "I… couldn't actually… commit to the act when we got to that point. Consider it… a massive equipment failure…"

I couldn't help but notice how his voice cracked, and I found myself leaning a little closer to him.

"…I couldn't do it. I couldn't fuckin' do it because I didn't… have any feelings for 'em. It just wouldn't work for me."

I kept my eyes on him, realizing what he'd just said, but needing a moment for it to sink in. If he had humbled himself to me before with his admittal of having feelings for me, doing this had just absolutely humiliated him.

"So, you're saying…" I couldn't quite bring myself to say it.

He lifted his head and looked at me, his face now red and his eyes looking dimmed. "I'm a fuckin' liar… I ain't never… I'm a…"

Captain Cid Highwind, Jr., now thirty-two years of age, was a virgin. If I hadn't just passed out a few minutes before, I may have done so at that moment.

I moved forward and embraced him. Hearing that had made me the happiest woman on the planet. "Oh Cid…"

His body tensed within my embrace. "You… you ain't pissed?"

"Why would I be?" I pulled back and looked into his eyes. "I love you either way, it's just now… you're going to be… just mine…"

He offered me the most grateful smile I think I have ever seen. "I love ya…"

"And I love you. Now, I'm going to get dressed and we can head out, if you're _really_ feeling up to it." I stood up again, reaching forward and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I could have a compound fracture of my femur right about now, Shera, and still be ready to do this," he said with a grin.

I couldn't help it and I outright laughed at him before turning and walking toward my own room.

The notion that Cid is possibly one of the only men on the planet that can equate sex with actual love is just… mind-boggling.

The more I learn of him, the more I'm realizing that his outward act toward the vast majority of the world is just that-- an act.

Oh dear, there's something I have to go do before I finish this entry…


	24. Chapter 24

Shera's Diary

Chapter 24

Resolution

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

Dear Diary,

I didn't get the chance to finish writing what I was writing yesterday now, did I? Well, let's see… my mind is just spinning right now.

So, I went to my room and grabbed the only nice dress that I had and then took it into the bathroom with me. I got cleaned up as quickly as I could, my heart racing at the very thought I was going to actually marry Cid. I don't think I've ever gotten ready so quickly for anything in my life.

Within ten minutes, I was throwing the bathroom door open and running back into my room to get my shoes on. When I stood up from where I had sat on my bed, I spotted Cid leaning in my doorway, smiling at me.

"Goddamn, woman, I didn't think it was possible to get you outta the house in less than an hour," he laughed at me.

I smiled and went to him, grabbing my purse from where it was hanging on my room's doorknob. "Call me motivated."

He nodded and took my hand, leading me to the front door and outside. I instinctively started to head toward the truck, but he pulled me toward the sidewalk instead.

"Cid… you're not well enough to walk there, and surely you don't want…" my voice failed me, and I kept my eyes fixed on the ground.

"I'm better'n I've ever been in my life and I don't care who sees me takin' ya to the courthouse. If they ask? I'm gonna say, 'yeah, that's right, I'm marryin' Shera,'" he said, tightening his grip on my hand. "It ain't that far, anyway."

I couldn't help but laugh and smile, turning my head to look at him. I could appreciate that his color was still ashy from what he had been through and his injuries—at least, that's what I equated it to. "Cid…"

"Hush. Let's just go do this." His eyes fixed forward and his jaw set.

I realized that this was now a mission for him and he wasn't wanting any distractions. He was taking this seriously, or perhaps, this was what he had to do to hide his fear. We were, after all, entering unknown territory.

I watched him as we walked the three blocks to the courthouse. He was standing straight, chest forward, head up…

Proud.

This was not a way that I'd seen him going around since before the failed launch all those years ago. With a spark of sadness, I recognized that for the last five years, he had been a man completely lost. Yes, he had carried on his daily routines, he'd carried on with his business, but he hadn't felt like he'd had any real direction in his life. Cid had just been… adrift for the last five years, feeling that fate or destiny had forgotten about him. He had been living as though his purpose was over…

He had been doing little more than just waiting for the remaining years of his life to just run out.

It seems like it wasn't until then, during that walk to the courthouse that he had rediscovered a purpose. Cid had once more started to believe in something, something that he had forgotten on that launch pad ages back.

No one questioned us at all as we walked, hand in hand, together. People stopped, and they certainly stared, but no one said a word. In fact, all we got were a few shocked gasps from some of the busy body women in the town. Females that clearly could not believe that Cid was touching me at all, and surely, they couldn't fathom the fact that we were now going up the stairs to the courthouse together.

We entered, and the old man that was behind the counter lifted his eyes and examined the two of us. "Oh, Captain. Is there some legal matter that you need assistance with?"

Cid laughed. "Just wanna marry my woman here."

The old man's eyes went wide. "Captain?"

"This is where people go to take care of this shit ain't it?" he shot back, letting go of my hand and crossing his arms across his chest.

"Why, yes, it is, Captain, I just… well, no one thought that you and Ms. Sakamoto were… involved like that." He turned and began to riffle through a file cabinet to his left.

"We weren't." That was all Cid said in return.

That seemed to satisfy the clerk and he set a few forms on the counter before us. "You need to fill those out and I'll need to make copies of your ID's. Marriage license is forty gil, and then we can do a civil ceremony afterward."

Cid picked up a pen and quickly got to filling out the forms in his tiny printing. After only two or three minutes, he signed the documents with his illegible signature and then handed me the pen as well. "Your turn."

I took it and filled out what I needed to, seeing that Cid had taken the liberty of filling in all my information that he knew off the top of his head, and I have to admit, I was surprised with how much he did know. It wasn't long before I placed my signature on the bottom of the last paper. That done, we handed our identification over to the clerk and he Xeroxed them before handing them back.

Cid forked over the forty gil and the clerk gave us the duplicates of the forms.

The clerk picked up a book from a drawer. "It's a lovely day today, would you like us to do this outside?"

Cid looked over at me. "You game?"

I just nodded.

"Good," the clerk said, coming out from behind the counter and heading for the judge's chambers. He went over to a door and knocked on it, causing the judge to emerge. She was handed the book by the clerk and then approached Cid and I.

"Good morning, Captain," she said, straightening her black robe, before looking over at Cid. "Paul told me that you and Ms. Sakamoto here would like to be wed outside?"

Cid nodded. "That's about the long and the short of it."

She didn't seem shocked at all and headed for the door. "Well then, let's go."

We all went outside; Cid, the judge, the clerk, and I. She remained at the top of the stairs, and motioned for Cid and I to take our place just a step below. The clerk stood just a short distance off, acting as our witness.

The judge opened up her book. "We are here to unite Captain Cid Augustus Highwind, Junior, and Shera Sierra Sakamoto in the bonds of matrimony. It is not an institution to be entered into lightly. Captain Highwind, repeat after me; I, Captain Cid Highwind, take you, Shera Sakamoto, to be my lawfully wedded wife, 'til death do us part."

He cleared his throat and seemed to go rigid. "I…I, Captain Cid Highwind, take you, Shera Sakamoto, to b…be my lawfully w…wedded wife, 'til death do us part."

I couldn't help but smile as his voice cracked and he stumbled upon his words.

The judge then looked at me. "And Shera, repeat after me; I, Shera Sakamoto, take you, Captain Cid Highwind, to be my lawfully wedded husband, 'til death do us part."

My smile lingered as I looked at Cid. "I, Shera Sakamoto, take you, Captain Cid Highwind, to be my lawfully wedded husband, 'til death do us part."

I couldn't believe my eyes at that moment. As I kept my gaze locked with Cid's, I honestly saw a tear break loose and roll down his cheek.

The judge moved right along. "Captain, do you have a ring for Shera?"

To my surprise, he reached right into his pocket and pulled out a gold band with a single diamond on it. When he had gotten that, I don't know, but it meant that he had planned this at least somewhat.

"Place it onto her left hand and say, with this ring, I thee wed," the judge said.

I could appreciate as he took up my hand, that he was shaking noticeably. He slipped the ring onto my finger, and quietly, he repeated, "With this ring… I thee wed."

That's when my own tears finally broke loose, but I tired to keep my composure as best I could.

The judge looked at me. "Shera, do you have a ring?"

Cid laughed quietly to himself and reached into his pocket once more, then handing over a plain gold band to me. I shook my head as I took it.

"Place it onto the captain's left hand and say, with this ring, I thee wed," she said to me.

Despite my own shaking, I was able to get that band onto his finger, and with a damn dryness in my throat, I recited the oath. "With this ring, I thee wed."

"Then by the power vested in me, I pronounce you man and wife. Captain Highwind, you may kiss your bride." With that, the judge closed her book.

Cid looked down into my eyes, another tear upon his cheek before he pulled me in close and kissed me deeply.

We both jumped as a cheer went up behind us, as several spectators had gathered. Turning, we faced the crowd, surprised to see that there were close to thirty people there.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to present to you, the new Captain and Mrs. Highwind," the judge said behind us.

Those amassed applauded and Cid descended the steps, keeping a hold of my hand. We made our way through the audience, accepting our congratulations from them. People seemed pleased on some level. Then again, very little ever happened in Rocket and any event was an…event.

Soon, Cid led me away from them and back toward the house. As we walked, I couldn't help but ask him. "When did you get the rings?"

He laughed to himself and dropped his gaze to the ground. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

I looked over at him. "Try me."

He stopped and faced me as we stood on the lawn in front of the house. "I bought them the morning of the launch."

My eyes went wide.

"Yeah… I know… I don't know what in the Hell I was thinkin' at the time, either. I just… You'd left that little silver ring that you used to wear all the time on your desk in the engineering department and I took it, got that ring your wearin' now in the same size and got one for myself, too." His cheeks turned red.

I was speechless, utterly and completely speechless.

Cid shrugged it off and pulled me toward the house again. "C'mon, let's get inside."

I went with him and shrieked when he picked me up, _despite_ his injuries, and carried me into the house. "Cid! Put me down! You're in no sha—"

He silenced my protest with a kiss.

One hell of a kiss.

A kiss so deep, that I didn't notice us get into the house, nor was I aware that we had gotten all the way into the bedroom until I found myself being placed down onto the bed gently. He pulled away from me, sitting next to me on the bed.

There was something in the way he was looking at me that I had never seen before and I felt my blood pressure spike. "Cid…"

"Wait just a second, okay?" he said with a smile, before getting up and walking out of the room.

I remained where I had been placed on the edge of the bed, feeling my heart pounding in my chest. Staying put, I heard him walk down the hall and then out the door to the house. Several minutes later, he came back into the house, went into the kitchen and I heard some glasses being pulled from the cupboard. When he finally returned to the bedroom, he was holding a bottle of champagne in one hand, and two glasses in the other.

"Had this bottle on that ship. It was in the captain's quarters and I never opened it, figurin' that I'd save it for when I got home. 'Course, I didn't think I was gonna be quite so fucked up when I got home, but now seems as good a time as any to have it, dontcha think?" he said, coming over and setting the glasses on the nightstand.

Never having had champagne more than twice in my life, I had to admit that it didn't seem like a bad idea in the least. I folded my hands on my lap and nodded. "It sounds lovely."

Cid sat beside me and wedged the bottle between his knees, getting to the task of pulling out the cork. I couldn't help but notice that he winced in pain as he moved, but knowing that he would be too proud to ask for help, I remained silent.

The cork let go with a 'pop', but he didn't lose his grip on it and tossed the cork onto the floor. Reaching over, he filled to two glasses, set down the bottle, and then passed me my share.

Cid held up his glass for a moment. "Well, Shera, here's to the pay off, eh?"

I laughed and tapped my glass against his lightly before sipping at it.

Cid, on the other hand, downed his completely in one shot.

"Are you really sure you should be drinking like that with those injuries?" I asked instinctively, as he filled his glass a second time.

He stopped mid pour and brought his eyes over to meet mine. "Holy shit… I damn near just blew this…"

"What?" I was utterly confused.

Setting the bottle down again and making no move to pick up his glass, he huffed. "I don't wanna be drunk right now…"

I took one more sip from my glass before setting it next to his. "Well, you did down that first glass awfully fast…"

He got up and went to the window, looking out for a moment. "Yeah… well, I think one glass is enough. I've got the bug to build another airship after flyin' the ol' Highwind around these last few months."

I just went with the topic change and nodded, turning on the bed to look over at him. "How long has it been since you've designed one?"

"Six years. Since pretty much right before they put me on the space program. But yeah, I'm gonna build another one of them… and you know what?" he asked, pulling the curtains closed and turning to me.

"What's that?" I cocked my head to the side.

"I'm namin' 'er after you when I do." He stepped closer to the bed.

I couldn't hide my blush, even though the room was darker now. "Oh, Cid… that's very sweet…"

"It's the least I can do for ya…" Cid stood there for a moment and then took off his uniform's dress coat and tossed it over onto the chair in the corner.

"You promised me you'd teach me to fly, too," I laughed back, admiring him since I knew it would be a long time before I ever saw him dressed up again.

His expression suddenly turned deadly serious. Reaching to his neck, he pulled off the ascot that had been around his collar and then unbuttoned his cuffs. "Are you ready to learn now?"

Suddenly, the exact connotation that he'd meant when he'd said that before hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt my cheeks burn. "I…"

Cid's eyes didn't leave mine as he knelt down and untied his dress boots, then straightening up again and getting them off. That done, he sat on the edge of the bed next to me and leaned close, pulling my glasses from my face and setting them on the nightstand. "You tell me when you are, and I'll show ya, Shera… I'll…"

I felt my body begin to shake, and I noticed that his breathing had picked up, too. With my hand trembling, I reached up and touched the side of his face. "Cid… I am…"

He growled deep in his throat and placed a hand on the back of my neck, pulling me in for a kiss, crossing over instantly and invading my mouth. I was completely unsure of what to do in that moment and I just submitted to the kiss, feeling his free hand grazing up and down my left arm.

A few moments later, and I felt both his hands leave me, though his lips remained against mine a bit longer. When he pulled away, I opened my eyes to see that he was unbuttoning his shirt, but his gaze was fixed on me still.

In short order, he pulled his shirt off, and tossed it to the floor. I gasped slightly to see that yes, as I had suspected, he had ripped all of his bandages off, leaving his injuries plain to see.

"It's all right, Shera… I'm okay, I really am, all right?" he said, reassuringly, knowing what my reaction had meant.

"I just…"

He reached up and placed a finger against my lips, silencing me. "I've waited all my adult life for this moment, Shera. I ain't gonna let a few little wounds keep me from bein' with ya."

I nodded slightly, knowing that arguing that was not an option, and, to be quite honest…

I don't think I could have waited any longer, either. I was burning inside like I had never known.

Still trembling badly, I bent down and slipped my shoes off, letting them remain at the bedside. When I sat back up, Cid instantly kissed me, and I felt his hands go around me, finding the zipper on the back of my dress. I couldn't suppress the nervous shiver that ran though me as I felt that zipper slowly parted down my back. I sighed against the kiss when I felt his hands upon my back for a moment, before he moved to pull my dress down my arms and body.

I kept my eyes closed, instantly shy and as I pulled my arms out of my dress, I instinctively crossed them over my chest.

"Shera…" he said, his voice barely audible.

I opened one of my eyes, feeling his hand beneath my chin. "Yeah?"

He wasn't looking at anything other than my eyes. "Would… would ya be more comfortable if we waited until tonight when it was completely dark?"

I saw the disappointment in his eyes as he said that, but it caught my notice that he was willing to make sure that I was comfortable with the situation. Feeling that I needed to give him some sort of sign that I didn't want to wait, I reached behind my back and undid my bra, then pulling it away and sending it to the floor. "I wouldn't want you to wait…"

There was a hitch in his breathing as I did that, but he still just looked into my eyes before kissing me again. This kiss held more desperation and as his left hand moved between us, I groaned quietly as he touched what was now given to him.

Seeing that I was definitely having an effect on him, I decided that I should show him some initiative. I placed my hand on his leg and let it slide up slowly, noticing how his breathing got quicker as I did so. I let my hand find its way to his belt and I got to the task, although be it a little awkwardly, of getting it undone.

I wanted him so badly… I couldn't believe the way my body was screaming.

It literally ached. I'd never thought such a feeling was possible.

I was compelled to get up quickly and let my dress fall to the floor, leaving me in just my underwear. I placed a hand against Cid's shoulder as I did this, feeling so dizzied with my emotions, dare I even say lust, that I feared I would fall otherwise.

He stood up as well, pulling me against him for another kiss, his lower body pressed firmly against me.

Despite the fact he was still in his uniform trousers, I could feel instantly that there was no "massive equipment failure" on his part. No, his body seemed agreeable to what was taking place.

I caught my breath again as I felt him take a hold of the waist of my underwear and begin to pull downward. Being that it was my best satin pair, they moved easily and soon, they dropped away and I was left completely exposed to him.

I opened my eyes as he stepped back, once more appreciating that his eyes remained locked with mine. He wasn't examining me physically, he seemed more concerned with watching for any hidden signals from my expression.

His hands got to the task of undoing his pants, and soon he was stepping out of both those and his boxers.

The two of us stood there for a moment, now honestly there for each other's approval. I watched as Cid closed his eyes and knit his brow slightly.

I knew he wanted me to just go ahead and have a look at him, and so, feeling even more of a blush creep across my face and chest, I lowered my eyes and had my first look.

I've known for a long time that his chest was well muscled, and even though he was marred with injuries, it was still as remarkable as ever. His abdominal muscles have always been irresistible to me, and I couldn't help but reach out and trace a line down the center of them as my eyes continued lower. I let my hand fall away and held my breath as I looked…

Yes, I've seen naked men before in movies and such, but nothing had quite prepared me for the real deal. I had constructed in my mind, naturally, what I figured he would be like, but my expectations of Cid's visage had fallen short of the reality.

If what I had seen before, as I had mentioned in movies and such, was average, then he was definitely above that average, and clearly, he was as ready as he could be.

I don't know how long I had been looking at him, but he broke the moment. "Shera?"

I brought my gaze back up and met his blue eyes, somewhat ashamed. "Cid?"

There was a question in his expression, although he didn't seem to have the ability to vocalize it.

"You're absolutely amazing," I whispered to him, moving slowly to sit on the edge of the bed.

A grateful smirk passed his lips and he sat beside me, placing a hand on my shoulder. He kissed me once more, this time, pushing me back as he did so. I complied and soon felt him move onto the bed properly, lying beside me. We continued to kiss for a long time, still seemingly somewhat afraid to make our next advances.

After a while, I shivered again. Cid moved away for a moment and pulled the sheets up and over us. That seemed to make both of us feel a little better about the situation, and soon, I felt his hand upon my stomach, creeping slowly lower.

At that first contact, when it was made just a few seconds later, my whole body tensed in anticipation, but his hand remained steady and I knew that he was just testing me. I reached to him as well, daring to touch what I never had before, earning a pleased growl from him in response.

He moved from my lips and to my ear after a time, whispering. "Shera… are ya… ready?"

I kept my eyes closed and nodded the slightest bit. "Yes…"

"I love you, don't you ever forget that…" Cid said quietly, as he moved from beside me, to press down onto me.

"I love you too, Cid… so much…" I gasped back, feeling that he was starting his advance, a cry burning in my throat suddenly at the new sensation.

"Goddamn…" he growled out, before covering my mouth with his own again.

I had always feared that there would be pain the first time I made love, but it wasn't the case. It was as though my body was so absolutely ready for Cid that everything proceeded in perfection. There was no pain at all, just a wonderful completeness within me. We were joined, everything as it should be… everything as it should have been so long ago, but worth the wait.

Cid moved in steady waves upon me, causing my long-suffering passion for him to come to complete fruition. I gasped for breath and cried out, feeling as though I was dying some absolutely wonderful death. A shock ran through my body, and I pushed back my head into the pillow, my eyes closed. I peaked, begging him, pleading with him, to keep going and see me through.

As I let go, his body responded to mine in its natural way, and he pushed himself up with his arms for his last few drives. Even though my climax was passing, I cried out again to feel him coming upon his own, feeling him within me. He threw back his head and cried out my name as I was given everything he had.

It was the most perfect moment there has ever been in my life.

With us both sated, he kissed me again, conducting me back to the earth as an utter feeling of peace came over us. Our first union over, he moved to lie beside me, keeping me close. In light of his physical state, I knew that he would need to rest, and I laid there silently as he slept, eventually drifting off as well.

Things have worked out as they were meant to between he and I. Things weren't always easy, in fact, they were harder, at times, than I ever would have imagined. Having stayed through it, though, I have been rewarded on levels I never would have dreamed of.

I've had this diary since I was a child and just now, fittingly, have I gotten to the last page within it. It's appropriate, though, because from here on out it will be a new book in my life, so it is with a tearfully happy heart that I write in this one for the last time.

-Shera Sierra Highwind

The End

(A/N- Well, there it is. The end to yet another story. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. There are a lot of things in this one, as with most of my stories that are biographical.

What I hope you all take away from this is the knowledge that love… real love, when you find it, isn't always an easy thing. When you find the one, though, the honest to God _one_ that's meant to be in your life, not only will you look back and realize that it was them from the beginning, but even the roughest things with them will always work out. People these days are in such a rush to find "love" that they never really give it a chance to get past infatuation before they label it as love true. This means that often times, when that infatuation fades, they're left with nothing tangible. Real love comes after infatuation burns out, though. It is not an instant thing, but one that takes months, sometimes _years_, to really develop.

I hope that every one of you has the chance in your life to find that real love. Never give up on it, and remember, it isn't something you can force, or even anticipate. It will find you when you least expect it, it will leave your head spinning, it will make time go by so quickly that ten years down the road, you may find yourself still sitting next to that one person wondering where the days all went.

…and even though it went that fast, you may just end up wondering what took you so long in the first place to end up with that person to begin with.

This is dedicated to the man that I knew for years before we ended up together. To the man who has never been outwardly emotional, but who has never left me feeling unloved. To the man that has never, honestly, angered me in the twelve years since. To the man that I know has probably found me hard to deal with, perhaps even hard to love, but who has loved me none the less. To the man that has taken care of me since I was just a girl, getting out into the world. To the man who stuck with me as I had to mature in a lot of ways, despite himself being four years older and not required by any means to put up with what he did. To the man that put a wedding ring on my finger a decade ago and has never said he regretted it. To the man that gave me my two children, and who goes to work everyday at Vandenberg Air Force Base to work on the control and launch systems for the rockets and missiles that make up our United States Missile Defense Program.

This is for _my_ Captain Cid Highwind, Richard J. Williams.

I love ya, guy.)


End file.
